stitch fix – Page 2

Stitch Fix, Part 20, the Last Part, For Realsies This Time

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another goddamn Fix because she meant to cancel after the last one, but she forgot and she’d bumped up the date because she didn’t want the box to arrive while she was out of town for the holidays, so whoopsies.

And if they’d knocked it out of the park with this one, I may have kept on, but they didn’t, as you’ll soon see. (Click here to read Part 19, and follow the links to previous posts.)

As usual, I let the package languish on my bedroom floor way past the 3-day turn-around window, so then I tried to whip Kate into giving me some fast feedback.

I waited and waited and WAITED for a response.

Good news was I got to see her the next day! Bad news was pretty much everything in the Fix. I really wanted to like the next thing. (When I refer to the orange biker sweatshirt, this is what I mean.)

In the end, I did end up keeping it, because I didn’t want to lose my $20 styling fee, and the last two items were, respectively, a No and a No.

Sometimes I don’t know what Kate is saying. I googled it, and apparently, Trogdor the Burninator is from Homestar Runner, an animated web comic which I haven’t looked at since I lived in Astoria, Queens, in… 2002? I’m a few episodes behind, apparently.

Sometimes my Kate translator is turned up to 11 though, as evidenced here:

Would I have gotten “fat thumbs” from “day thumbs”? Impossible to say. Might’ve wandered around wondering why Kate’s thumbs worked better in the dark. I better start a GoFundMe for Kate’s massive-paw triple-sized keyboard. Who’s in for a few bucks?

As I said, I’m done with Stitch Fix for now, but I really did enjoy the experience. If you want to try it for yourself, please use this link. They might still give me a $25 credit, and I’ll start ‘er up again.

Stay tuned for future fashion posts! Girl’s still gotta dress herself.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and get access to super-secret posts!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Stitch Fix, Part 19, Maybe the Last Part?

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back with another Fix! (Read Part 18 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

Let’s jump right in, shall we? You can probably see from the set of my mouth that this piece had me perplexed. I immediately consulted with Kate.

In my opinion, this was amongst the worst things Stitch Fix had ever sent me. Kate surprised me by finding something positive about it.

To their credit, once I looked at the package insert, I saw that they called a spade a spade, or in this case a sweatshirt, though they fancied it up a bit: Market & Spruce Torrence Textured Knit Sweatshirt.

Next up were some Soho skinny jeans from Edyson. Stitch Fix, we TALKED about whiskers.

Yikes, “contouring” reminds me I learned that one look four years ago, and I haven’t learned a gotdamn thing about makeup since then. (Also, oof, I’ve aged so much in four years! Kids, man.)

As much progress as I’ve made in the fayshun department, I still sometimes have no animal instincts about a shirt.

I’m pretty close to my all-time heaviest weight these days, so I do look Jennifer-Animation-possibly-preggers in the pink one, but that’s the fault of my gut and not the shirt, and I really did love the color, so I kept it.

For the next bit, we need to travel back in time to when the Avid Bruxist was a fashion noob. Do you recall the here for sex outfit, of which a component was the purple pleather jacket? OK, good, let’s carry on.

Note: Although the author may be here for sex, no one else is here for anything other than demanding snacks, strewing toys all over the house, and shitting his pants. As our president-elect would say, SAD!

Honestly, I probably should’ve returned the jacket because it’s really squeezy on my big ol’ upper arms, but when Kate says, “Dayyyyyum,” and a student says, “You look so fly in that jacket, Ms. Scott!” you keep a thang even if fits like a blood pressure cuff. Maybe it’ll make somebody else be here for sex.

Kate didn’t answer my question about pleather care though. I googled it, and I guess I was supposed to rub it with baby oil or leather conditioner, but now it’s too late. Pieces of it flake off and stick to my neck. Oh! I have an idea! What if I get someone to sew a faux fur collar onto my faux leather jacket? Is that a good idea?! Maybe that’s a terrible idea. Like I said, instincts lack.

This might be my last Fix, y’all. I’ve learned a lot about style and what flatters me, so maybe I can save myself some money and just order stuff from websites? What websites do you guys go to for reasonably priced, fashionable clothing?

If you do want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit.

Stay tuned for future Fixes! Maybe! Maybe not!

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and get access to super-secret stuff!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Stitch Fix Part 17, or I Like Me in General

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back with another Fix! (Read double-feature Parts 15 & 16, and follow the links for previous posts.)

You guys, this fashion journey I’ve been on the last few years has proved to me that anyone can learn anything–you just have to accept the pace of the student. When Arlo came home from the hospital after not taking anything by mouth for the first seven and a half months of his life, he could take eight watered-down drips of puree. For a long time, it looked like he was going nowhere, but now he eats a whole banana mashed with peanut butter, and I kinda don’t know how we got here. It’s like watching your own hair grow.

Anyhow, look at how I master this Fix with only slight guidance from Kate.

First, another maternity shirt. Why, Stitch Fix?

She likes me in general. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I like me in general too. Likely a combination of being in my 40s (thus giving fewer fucks about stupid shit), having my kids, and exercising regularly. But dressing more fashionably for the body I have is a not-small part of it too.

Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. I’m actually going through a bit of a depression right now. Work is really hard, and I’ve only slept through the night fifteen times in the last two years. And I’m still not desperately in love with my own self, but yeah, I like her. She’s a cool bitch.

Something I don’t like? These pants:

Or these pants:

And then the bane of my goddamn existence: shoes. Flats, in particular.

I shuffled around the house in them for a couple days, and they felt comfortable… until the very moment I stepped outside and scuffed the bottoms. Now, they rub and squeeze. It’s not footmurder exactly, but they’re not fluffy dinosaur feet slippers either. I’m hoping I can break them in, and all will be well.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes! (Another one’s coming down the pike shortly. I’m behind schedule. As usual.)

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Stitch Fix, Part 14, Wherein Kate Shirks Her Duties, But It’s Mostly OK

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (Read Part 13 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

I’m getting the hang of things, you guys. Or at least, sometimes I know when something is a total no, like these jeans* which were wrong in every way except color.

Even when I know something’s terrible, I like to check in with Kate to see if she has any sass about it.

Kate was delinquent in getting back to me this time. It’s OK–I moved on–but I definitely needed her to let me know if it was OK that I liked this shirt:

Why is she under the impression that my feeling good in something is more important than it actually being fashionable? WE’RE NOT THERE YET, as evidence by my pattern misstep:

Oh, well.

Anyway, sometimes I get a thing, and I think it’s ridiculous, but I have a flashback to the orange biker jacket sweatshirt thing, and I doubt myself.

In this case, there was no reason for self-doubt.

My love for Stitch Fix is well-documented, but occasionally they send you a snoozer of a piece, like this:

It might have a detail that’s somewhat interesting:

She didn’t get back to me! And I was like WHY DO I EVEN PAY HER, but then I remembered I don’t pay her. I knew a wrap dress would get her attention though:

There was no reason I wasn’t telling her, other than the usual footmurder and thighfire issues. But!

(a) I wore bike shorts with a dress (the one from the very first Fix), and though they were a little loose and peeked out underneath by the end of the day, and I felt like a goober wearing bike shorts… my thighs ended the day with no mantle plumes.

Then, on a reader’s recommendation, I purchased some Undersummers. These, I can wholeheartedly recommend. While not terribly sexy (they’re giant, beige, high-waisted bloomers), they are very lightweight and non-squeezy; they stay put; and most importantly, they preclude chubrub just as well as bike shorts without making me feel like as much of a goober.

(b) I bought two pairs of sandals that accommodate my perfectly square feet:

these Blowfish Malibus, that are cute but not supportive and make my legs ache by the end of the day (WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL, LADIES)

…and these navy blue Clarks, which are less cute but way more supportive

Footmurder and thighfire SOLVED. At least until winter when it’s too cold to wear open shoes.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

*If you care about such things: (1) DRD Ena skinny jeans, (2) 41Hawthorn Dawney scallop trim blouse, (3) Skies are Blue pagan back strap chambray top, (4) Market & Spruce Brandey criss-cross back ribbed knit top, (5) Gilli Gary knit dress

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Stitch Fixing, Part Unlucky 13

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back! With another Fix! (Read part 12 here and follow the links for previous posts.)

My fashion coach Kate was not visiting for this one–boo hoo hoo hoo–so I had to rely on her textual healing.

First up were some olive green pantaloons. I have to say, as someone who loathed the skinny jean phenomenon when it started, I’ve somewhat come around to it. Probably just in time for it to go out of style–am I right?! Is it over?! It’s almost definitely over. Nobody ever accused me of being an early adopter. I just listened to the Hamilton soundtrack for the first time last week.

Anyhow, I still feel a little like an ice cream cone when I’m in skinny jeans, but they do create a sleek line:

Kate agreed that I should keep them, which was good because I had already worn them to work.

I got to thinking that maybe there just aren’t any flats that’ll work with my Barney Rubbles. So despite my difficulty with heels in the past, I bought some cute black dressier flip-flops that have a 1 1/2-inch heel. I figured it was nothing! A kitten heel! Meow! …And my feet go numb within mere minutes. Utilitarian flip-flops 4 lyfe!!1!

Next up was a sleeveless blouse that I liked a lot, but I’m still unclear when a thing is, as Kate says, hiding my light under a bushel, or not showing off my sweet rack and tiny waist. (Note: Kate moved away before I had the boys, so she still thinks I have a sweet rack and tiny waist, rather than deflated boobs and floppy abs.)

I kept it, and I love it!

I wanted to keep this next shirt SO BAD. Hard to see, but it had two layers of scalloped edges, and a cool back, but there was a problem.

Kate said the problem was not my bras or my boobs, it was a design flaw. Back it went.

Next was this:

I wasn’t crazy about it, plus if you look at the first pic in this post, I have basically the same shirt (navy, lacy-necked, sleeveless blouse) without the sportsball shoulders. Bye bye.

Kate’s an idea man. But Body Glide wears off, Spanx are uncomfortable, boy shorts ride up, and those Bandelettes I bought don’t cover enough real estate on my ample inner thighs–I still get hot spots. Besides, wedges make my feet fall asleep, Birks aren’t my jam (anymore–I wore the shit out of some Birks in high school), and chucks… well, I suppose I could get me some chucks.

But I already have like six dresses in my closet that I don’t wear. I sent it back.

So my two big fayshun problems remain. Footmurder! Thighfire! My fashion misadventures are pretty much Game of Thrones. HBO, CALL ME.

For those of you keeping score, that’s Keep 2, Return 3. Unlucky Fix. But you guys, I still love this service. A friend told me she was thinking of trying it, and I was like, “Wait, but you LIKE to shop, don’t you?” She said she loved it. Thrill of the hunt. And I had to tell her that I think Stitch Fix and similar services are for people who (a) hate shopping, (b) are bad at fashion, or (c) both.

If you’re a (c) like me, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Stitch Fixing, Part 10, or Ladies Ladies Please

YOUR FASHION-CHALLENGED AVID BRUXIST! SHE IS BACK! WITH ANOTHER FIX! (See part 9 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

Before we get into all the clothes-horsing, let’s address some other aspects of my attempt not to devolve into Frumpmom:

(1) Thumbs down: I’ve been negligent in the makeup department. I use tinted chapstick most days, but that’s about the extent of it. I just can’t seem to haul my carcass out of bed any earlier than is absolutely necessary in order to paint myself up for a bunch of 11-year-olds. (I know, I know, I should do it for myself. How do I start giving a shit about makeup?)

(2) Thumbs up: Jeff wanted to give me lazy curls, and I said OK, sure. And will you look at this?!

Of course, I’ve been able to replicate this look exactly zero-point-zero times since the day he cut it, but for the one day, I looked like I had just stepped out of a salon. Which I had.

On to the Fix!

Let’s start with what I thought would be a slam-dunk but turned out to be a brick at the buzzer. #marchmadness #basketballmetaphors #highfive

When I saw “41 Hawthorn Renesme faux wrap dress” on the packing list, I was like, “Well, I’ll be keeping at least one thing for sure,” because even though I hate wearing dresses, wrap dresses always look good on me.

Then I put it on and was corn-fused.

KAAAAAAAAATE!

Kate, as usual, articulated the problem:

She’s generalizing, of course, with “nobody”. Buffalo Bill wanted nothing more than to wear a skin dress. #putthefuckinglotioninthebasket

Next up, a pair of good jeans (FINALLY), which are hard to see in this girls’ bathroom photo, but just take my word for it, they’re uniform dark wash (no whiskers) and huggy in the right places.

Also, shirt from previous fix, key lanyard statement piece, coffee cup statement piece, and pencil statement piece — Sandy bootcut jeans from level 99. Also, shirt from Fix 6, key lanyard statement piece, five-dollar Shoe Carnival sunglasses, and utilitarian flip-flops.

There were two shirts in this Fix, and though I liked the color of the first one, I honestly had no idea whether either of them was any good in terms of shape, fit, or style.

Top, Skies Are Blue Donavon crochet-detail knit top. Bottom, Rilo button-up blouse from Collective Concepts.

Good thing there’s Kate!

That Kate, always making sure the ladies get their due. And if you asked, as I did, “Da fuq is a placket?”, I googled it–it’s an opening in a garment, like a collar, cuff, or waistline.

She was right, btw. Here’s a better pic of the green:

Sent the hiddy pattern, boobflappy, collarless placket one back.

You know what’s coming, don’t you? The statement piece!

“Yes or no?” I asked Kate.

She was like, “Do YOU like it?”

We all know that’s beside the point, but yeah, I thought I did like it. She said I could keep it, so I kept it.

Hey, please use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I make zero dollars on my blogs. Keep me in couture, readers!)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches, Part the Ninth, Including Literally the Worst Pants in the World

Hello, gorgeous babies! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix. In fact, I’m one behind, so look for Part the Tenth shortly. (See parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.)

First off, a blouse very similar to one I got in Fix 2, and it was just OK, you know?

To be on the safe side, I consulted Kate, as per uzh.

Me: “This shirt–does she do anything for me?”

Kate: “I think Patrick is voting no! Kind of hides your light under a bushel. And by light I mean your sweet rack and tiny waist. And by bushel I mean kinda cheap-looking, see-through fabric that looks like maternity wear. It’s a really good color, though! I tried to give you a compliment sandwich, but really it was a tostada of nope.”

Lol. Tostada of nope. Have I mentioned lately how Kate’s my favorite?

One thing I like about Stitch Fix is they pick things I’d never even glance at on the rack. For example, despite being re-educated about it, my brain still insists on discounting black and navy as a combo, when in fact it’s a totally legit option in the year of our Lord two thousand sixteen. Take this shirt that went over better with Kate than the tostada of nope:

IMG_8663 (1) — Calhun wide lace trim knit top from Papermoon (necklace from my first Fix)

These pants are a gordita of never. These pants are literally the worst pants in the world.

SLAPPED MY FACE AND CHALLENGED ME TO A DUEL LOLOLOLOL. If you don’t know Kate, I’m sorry.

But then there were some pants that did not brandish Wogdon pistols at me:

I’ll have to have them hemmed, but I thought they were very flattering. Kate agreed:

Now you know: if you run into Lysse Mollie straight-leg, FMO, face-slapping, duel-challenging sweatpant-slacks in a store, GIVE THEM THE ASS.

Moving on to accessories!

She asked if I liked it, and I was like, yeah, it’s fine, but exactly how often do I expect to be making a statement like that? I teach sixth grade. Decided to send it back.

That’s it for Fix 9! Dudettes, please use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I don’t get no monies for posting. No opinions have been swayed by monies.)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches, Part the Eighth, or The Whiskers Doctrine

Hello, smoochies! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix (see Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7), and SHE NEEDS YOUR HELP! Read on.

Good news/progress–I am accessorizing more these days. But when I saw this, I was unsure:

Who you gonna call? KAAAAAAAAAATE!

She told me to try it on with something I’d wear it with. Uh…

Then we had this little number:

My take:

Kate’s take was slightly more emphatic: “A lumberjack’s worth of no.”

I like blazers in theory, but rarely in practice, and this one:

Meh.

Plus, I’d have to get it altered, and I don’t like it enough to make that investment.

This shirt was very silky and comfy but had a heinous embroidery and lace combo about the neck and shoulders:

Galey Embroidery Crochet Detail Knit Top

Kate said she couldn’t see the design in the picture, so I took a close-up:

I was like, “Ugly, right?”

See? It’s important to consult experts.

Then came the jeans (which I’d have to have hemmed, natch). I knew Kate would be anti-, because of the whiskers, but they were comfy, so I asked if there was anything else offensive about them:

She said they flared. I told her they were boot cut. She said, “Boot cut works if you’re wearing cowboy boots… Are you Marco Rubio?!”

I continued, “BUT I NEED JEANS.” Stomp stomp stomp.

Then she made me question my whole fayshun edjucayshun:

And I told her I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, that she had indoctrinated me against whiskers. She said they’re “no one’s friend” but that feeling good in something is more important than rules.

Is it though?! I need rules to cling to!

Vote, my lovers! Keep necklace? Keep jeans?

Also, use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I don’t get no monies for posting. No opinions have been swayed by monies.)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches, Part the Seventh, or #thatsnotaknifeTHISisaknife

Hello, lovers! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix. (See Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6.)

First up, a shirrrrrrrt.

I like this shirt. Cool pattern, or possibly upholstery on Granny’s couch pattern, what do I know really. Also, I feel like Kate would say it “hits” me in the “wrong spot”, BUT NOBODY ASKED YOU, KATE. (Not related: Kate, call me–I have a question.) Also too, lookee:

Bet you weren’t expecting that! I wasn’t either, but I yike it. Just have to (a) leave my hair down, or (b) make sure my bacne is under control on days I wanna wear it.

Next a simple black V-neck (and V-back!) shell:

Good for work or play! Dress it up, dress it down, belt it, cinch it.

These jeans were comfy:

…so I was hoping Kate would say keep ’em, but instead she said, “Boyfriend cut?” And I was like, “OMG SORCERESS HOW DO YOU KNOW JUST BY LOOKING.” She said boyfriend cut jeans were for people shaped like Posh Spice, which one could debate that I am not.

It’s OK though because they had deliberate rips on the right leg, and I just don’t dig pre-disastered jeans.

They could probably send me one of these infinity scarves every Fix, and I’d keep it:

But then, what is this, like, Crocodile Dundee chic or something?:

I thought maybe it was just because I hadn’t zipped it up.

Would accessorizing help?

I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it, so I asked Kate. She was like, “It’s too big for you.”

OH! Gah, sometimes I still don’t get it.

Hey! Use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I don’t get no monies for posting. No opinions have been swayed by monies.)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches, Part the Sixth, or Buy 5’ll Git Ya

Hello, lovers. Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix! (See Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)

Welp, I kept all five thangs this time. Don’t get too excited–I didn’t love all of them. In fact, I wasn’t in the Louvre with any of the pieces, but I likeded four.

First up:

Canon Button Detail Striped Knit Top (the button detail is on the sleeves) and Jordyn Bootcut Pant

Shirt, very comfy. Decent fit. (God, my post-nursing boobs are so smallllll. Waaaaah.) Pants, also good, though they bunched a little at the knees, and–granted, I don’t know wtf I’m talking about, but–these pants don’t feel like $88. Texture-wise, I mean. I’m not sure what $88 pants feel like, but I think it’s not this.

When I expressed concern to Kate about how the pants would hold up in the wash, this exchange followed:

P.S. Here’s the same outfit with the scarf from Fix #4:

Plus a red leather jacket I bought at a sample sale in New York City in 1999ish. You’re supposed to do something to care for leather, aren’t you? What would that something be? And is there a 20-year window in which one can do said care? Asking for a friend.

Wore this outfit all day:

Bastille Tulip Sleeve Blouse in white, maroon Martina Slub Knit Open Cardigan, black skinny pants from Fix #2, short boots

before realizing I might-should’ve tucked in the shirt:

But then I consulted with Kate about it, and she said, while she liked the proportions of the shirt tucked, actually “long and flowy is a thing now, both very cool-old Eileen Fisher style and cool-young breezy hipster.”

Just when I think I’ve got a thang learnt, they go and change it.

Then there was this:

Why did they send me a chandelier for a Baroque dollhouse?

Actually, it’s a necklace. Specifically, a Rayla Tassel Pendant Necklace.

Even with some of the victories I’ve had, I’m not under any delusions that I have style. But if I have a style, this necklace is the opposite of it.

However, as I said, I kep’ it because with the Buy 5 discount, it was cheaper to hang it in the receiving room of my miniature Palace of Versailles than send it back. Or maaaaybe I’ll send it as a Major Award to one of you shmoopies who uses this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself (because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit), and you can put it in your Rococo Barbie dream house. [Ed. note: I don’t know the difference between Baroque and Rococo. I got a C in art history.]

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.