The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches

First, my style guru had the audacity to move to D.C. two years ago to be with the love of her life. Then came the babies, and I’m not saying I had kids specifically so I’d have an excuse never to go clothes shopping, but it’s a side benefit, for sure.

Lo, it seemed that my desire to be fashionable without putting in any effort was a pipe dream. I was regressing to my daily Old Navy t-shirt habit. Frumpmom was triumphing.

But then women I knew kept posting online about Stitch Fix, a web-based service that shops for you and sends the clothes to your house, and I was all, “GIVEITTOMEIWANTIT.”

I filled in the profile, outlining my style (ha ha, as if), describing my body type (ass so fat that you could see it from the front), and specifying what I wanted/needed for my wardrobe (less special occasion wear, more work clothes).

A crisp package arrived a few weeks later. That weekend, Kate, the aforementioned guru, was visiting from Our Nation’s Capital. “Kate,” I said, and gestured to the box.

“Stitch Fix!” she said.

“Mm-hm,” I said. “Came a couple days ago.”

“You haven’t opened it yet?!”

Sigh. I wish I were a person who delighted in new garb, but it still feels like a chore, and OH MY GOD, I’M AN INSUFFERABLE CITIZEN OF THE FIRST WORLD SORRY SORRY SORRY.

Kate and I sifted through the stuff together to see what I should keep and what I should send back.

First up, a t-shirt, more or less. Not t-shirt material–more knit?–and, like, forty-something dollars, but pretty much a t-shirt.

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Sam “Hi-Lo” Short Sleeve Tee

I liked the color and thought it fit OK, but Kate’s lip curled. “Mullet-hem,” she said.

“Is that bad?” I asked. She said she just didn’t, as a style, love it, and I’ll admit business-in-the-front-party-in-the-back is not the most flattering for my body type.

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Bunchy

So why did I keep it? Read on.

[Side note: It’s not lost on me that those jeans suck. They’re too long and just blah, but until the fine folks at Stitch Fix send me some denim, I shall wear them, and you can’t stop me.]

Next up, this dress from Collective Concepts:

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#olsentwinface

Considering my next date night is… lemme check… the 12th of Never, I decided to wear the dress to Meet the Teacher.

My colleagues were like, “Whoa! You clean up nice!” and I did feel good. I wore my wedge heels for an hour and a half without a medical emergency; I finally put to use the statement belt I bought more than two years ago; and I even put on makeup.

I give myself an A+ for effort and some sort of non-failing grade for execution.

Moving along. The stylist really tried with these stretchy petite Margaret M dress pants.

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I’ve had this shirt for about ten years. I love it. Is it terrible? It’s probably terrible. Because I love it, it’s probably terrible.

And they’re definitely comfy, but as you can see, they give me elephant knees. Also, since they were too long for capris and too short for actual pants, and who has time to go to the tailor?, I had to DIY a hem job.

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My e-book “Office Supply Fashion with the Avid Bruxist” is coming out in 2016.

Also, after one washing, they were significantly faded. Like, they look like old pants now. They were the most expensive thing in the lot! $98! That’s so many of the dollars! Thumbs down.

[Note: Again, I’m not stupid–I know that utilitarian flip-flops are not the footwear of choice for this outfit, but I can’t wear heels all day, and I have yet to find a pair of flats that doesn’t scrape all the skin off my feet. Suggestions welcome.]

The last two items were this lace-front tank from Paper Moon and Kara hammered coin silver necklace. The shirt has a sheer back (cami required) with a silver zipper. I. love. it.

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Gap jeans I bought three years ago, and utilitarian flip-flops.

The necklace is fine (I’m ACCESSORIZING!), but $34?!

In fact, all the items seemed pricey to me, but that’s probably ’cause I wear Gap jeans and Old Navy t-shirts 90% of the time.

I kept the whole shebang because Stitch Fix gives you a 25% discount if you take all five things, and I liked each item just enough to justify 75% of its cost.

But this model of purchasing is unlikely to be sustainable because the bill came to over $200, and that’s a lot to be spending on clothes every month. Or maybe it’s not? How much do you people budget for clothes?

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

(And if you want to try Stitch Fix yourself, please use this link because they’ll give me a $25 credit, and in return I’ll give you an internet high-five or smooch, your choice.)

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9 thoughts on “The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches”

  1. Shoe suggestions: Easy Sprirt ballet flats. They come in all widths and they are pretty awesome. Also Crocs, as much as I hate to admit, are dang comfy and they make cute ones now. I get a ton of compliments on mine. Best part about the sandals, you can wash them if they get stinky. My favorite are the Hurache sandal and they are even on sale! The price may seem high on both of these brands, but I can attest that I wear them daily to work and they do last a while. http://www.crocs.com/p/crocs-womens-huarache-flat/14121.html?cgid=outlet-women&cid=5H7#start=79

  2. Try the Frye flats! I got them for Christmas and they are SOOOOO worth the money! They are the most comfortable flats I have ever owned and do not rub, anywhere. You’ll thank me.

  3. I had the same issue with flats for years and, as crummy as it sounds, you just kind of have to wait it out. Your feet will adjust and they will stretch out. Now, I can comfortably wear even the cheap crappy flats from Target which is good because heels make me want to tear my eyeballs out. You could also try those little tiny socks that are made for flats. I’ve never used them but I have some friends that swear by them.

  4. I know this will sound crazy and unpopular, but Birkenstocks are on the rise. They apparently have all sorts of sleeker versions in colors other than sad hippie brown. There is a great article about the sneaky fashion revival of their brand in a New Yorker from this Spring. They are $$ but last for decades. And they are better for you than a flip flop. Also, you look fantastic!

  5. I am also a teacher and I had the hardest time finding flats.. I’m obsessed with my toms flats they aren’t the standard toms but a suede like pointy toe…and oh so comfortable!! Check them out!!

  6. I’ve had good luck with Toms flats as well. Also in love with my Camper “Right Nina” ballet flats. They’re pricey, but super comfy

  7. I hate wearing anything other than jeans, shorts, t-shirts, and flip-flops or Converse tennis shoes. That said, when I have to buy a dress or some other decent wardrobe piece, I hit Kohl’s and Steinmart. Sometimes Steinmart is frumpier than I like, but check for knit dresses that are on sale. They feel like nightgowns and look super cute. Not to mention you can find these at Target. For a teacher’s budget, I can’t afford $200 monthly for clothes I sort-of like. The only flats I can wear on my Fred Flintstone feet are Tom’s or the knock-off version, Bob’s, from Burlington Shoe or their sister store, Shoe Department. I hate shopping and refuse to go to malls unless I know exactly what I want, park at one store, make the purchase and leave. Work clothes are so ew! Shopping for them is even worse! Good luck!

  8. Boat shoes (sperry, etc.). They have versions at DSW for much much less than the actual sperries. I never really like ballet flats, but i wear boat shoes pretty much all summer.

    Also born makes really good ballet type flats that actually have some arch support but $$

  9. also, j.crew has an ongoing all the time discount for teachers, as does LOFT. LOFT also has fantastic end of season sales where you can get all kinds of dresses and tops for $20. i know you hate shopping, but if you can get a friend to accompany you, it might be worth the savings to make a day trip of it! i bet anyone would clamor to hold the twins while you try things on!

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