Dinocroc vs. Supergator

The illustrious head_of_fema and I got together yesterday afternoon to view another awesomely bad movie, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, which he owns on Blu-Ray, natch. Matt had first suggested Halle Berry’s Catwoman, but when I read that D vs. S included David Carradine “in one of his final performances [before he killed himself jerking off in Thailand]”, I knew it was time for us to see some people getting eaten. Getting et.

By the way, previews included Dinoshark (exactly what you might imagine from the title) and Cyclops (“A general will be betrayed. Alliances will be forged. Revenge will be delivered,” said they. “Passive voice will be used,” replied I.)

…And now I’m thinking Roger Corman should probably produce Dinoshark vs. Cyclops.

OK, onward!

Alarms are blaring at Drake Industries Research Lab in Hawaii. “Everybody out now! It’s escaped!” yells a blond MILF in a lab coat, never mind that if it has escaped—just an idea but—maybe everybody should stay in. At 0:46, the Dinocroc or the Supergator, one, has its first white-coated snack. (Matt and I never figured out which beast was which. All I know is one had a lopey T-Rex gait, and the other ran low to the ground and wide, like Tulip.)

Dr. MILF hides behind a palm tree and gets on the phone. She calls Drake (David Carradine), who is smoking a cigar and having his blood pressure taken by a stripper nurse—oops, sorry, stripper doctor. My bad. He gets the low-down on what’s happening at his research facility from Dr. MILF, who then watches the other beast bust through a wall and flatten a dude. So many white-coated people get et.

Next up are the credits, including sweeping shots of Hawaiian landscape and a theme song, evocative of the Spaghetti Westerns of yesteryear, which will play relentlessly throughout the movie. And hurt my feelings.

A couple is lying on the beach (“Fully clothed. Interesting,” remarks Matt). They debate whether to stay there or go to a waterfall.  She runs; he follows. [Many superfluous shots of them running through tall grass.] They arrive at the waterfall. “Come on. Let’s get wet,” says the dude, in a totally non-sexual way. Way to blow an opportunity, guy.

He tells her she’ll look prettier—no shit—if she gets him a beer, and she—no shit—goes to get him one. Serves him right: one of the beasts, who had apparently Flat-Stanleyed himself, rises up out of the shin-deep water to snatch the dude under. Girl turns around, can’t find her beau, and then gets et by the other beast. So far, the two beasts are like ships passing in the night. Ships that eat people.

Two dudes are arguing on the phone. Paul is some sort of investigative reporter or something?, and he’s saying he’s found some sketchy stuff at Drake Labs, like maybe they’re using the growth hormone not on plants as they’re supposed to, but on animals. The other guy, Mark, is telling him… I can’t remember, but there’s a homoerotic what-are-you-wearing moment at the end of their conversation.

A young blond in a uniform (we learn later she’s a conservation officer, ohhhh) docks a speedboat and goes up the pier to speak to her father, the police chief, with whom she shares an inappropriate amount of personal space. He reports that something strange is afoot; they found clothes and backpacks at the waterfall. Blondie should check it out but not without backup. She punches her dad flirtatiously. Ew, Electra.

Meanwhile, Drake sends in mercenaries to kill the beasts a la Predator. But you know what? They’re just in it for the money, so you know what else? They all get et. Ha. That’ll teach them to be so greedy.

Victoria, a British Natalie Imbruglia impersonator, beats up a bouncer to talk to Drake. Not sure why she has to beat up the bouncer, since she works for Drake and so does the bouncer, but I think it’s to show how tough she is. Drake recounts an anecdote about this pizza place on the Lower West Side of Manhattan, where he grew up; on their boxes was written, “You’ve tried the rest. Now try the best.” And he instructs her to call The Cajun. (This scene was done eleventy billion times better in Pulp Fiction.)

Cut to The Cajun, a hot guy with a rifle (but no discernible accent, Matt points out), who cuts himself with a Bowie knife and drips his blood in the water. His phone rings, and he simultaneously talks to Victoria and shoots an alligator in the face.

Paul, you remember Paul, who turns out works for the federal government, duh, is fishing. His lover(?), Mark, calls him and says he’s had intel that proves Paul was right! Fishy shit going on at Drake! Keep digging! Build a case!

Cassidy, the blond ranger who’s maybe probably having sex with her dad, reappears in her speedboat, which breaks down at the dock where Paul is fishing. She peruses his computer files while he checks her propellers and knows he’s not an engineer as he claims. He offers her a ride in his Jeep. (Now I’m concerned because the cover said these beasts can outrun SUVs!!!)

They have this conversation:
Paul: Why did you become a conservation officer?
Cassidy: I love animals. I hate seeing them hurt or exploited.
Paul: What if I killed a wild boar?
Cassidy: I’d throw you up against the car and handcuff you.
Paul: Is that a promise or a threat?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, Paul! Are you flirting with her? I thought you were having sex with Mark! I have no time to be confused, as they hear a roar and speed off in the slower-than-mutant-reptile-mobile.

I’m going to paraphrase a little here for the sake of Internet space:

  • Some bikinis go to the waterfall and ask a nature photographer to snap pics of them; he says, “OK, one roll,” because apparently we still put film in cameras.
  • Bikinis & photographer = et
Paul and Cassidy find a field of two-story mushrooms, which have no relevance to the rest of the story. Dr. MILF runs down the road. They help her into the Jeep, and the requisite Jurassic Park scene commences, with the more upright of the two reptiles chasing the car. Cassidy’s bullets do nothing, but the exploding crossbow of The Cajun, who just happens to be in the river next to the road, slows him down enough for them to get away.
  • A movie producer asks the hotel clerk for a room stocked with food, liquor, and cheeses (that’s right!: food and cheeses) for three, if you know what I mean. (I think the producer’s telling the clerk that he’s invited for a three-way, but later it turns out to be the producer and two chicks, in a hot tub.)
  • Producer/chicks = et

In the hospital, Dr. MILF explains how Drake misused federal funds for this project. Paul videotapes it. Once everyone’s gone, Victoria jabs Dr. MILF in the neck with a syringe full of cyanide (MILF: “What are you doing?” Victoria: “Something bad”). Paul catches her, but she defibrillates him and gets away.

The Cajun has the brilliant idea to get the Dinocroc and the Supergator together and let them duke it out. They’ll use helicopters and explosives to bring them together. The Cajun and Paul get in separate helicopters* and use heat-seeking electronics to locate the (cold-blooded, notes Matt) reptiles but then go back home because they didn’t bring the explosives with them? Seems like they could’ve made one trip. But I’m not Cajun so I don’t know.

*Cassidy kisses Paul square on the mouth with tongue at this point, in front of her dad/lover, but just minutes before Mark had told Paul to “watch [his] 6”, which I understood as phone sex. I DON’T KNOW, PEOPLE.

  • A tour guide is taking a group of tourists around an abandoned hotel, which had been devastated by a storm years prior.
  • Tourists (after some truly spectacular bad acting)/tour guide/bus driver = et

Paul tells The Cajun it doesn’t matter that the MILF is dead because he sent her videotaped testimony to a friend.

The Cajun: What kind of friend?
Paul: The serious kind.

EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP BEING SUCH A SLUT.

Paul’s serious friend has made his way to Hawaii at this point and shoots Victoria. Drake’s stripper doctor comes down the stairs. “Who are you?” asks the serious friend. “I’m Drake’s nurse,” she replies. (Me: “Earlier he called her ‘doctor’!” Matt: “She must have a PhD in nursing.”) Drake has a heart attack and dies. Of autoerotic asphyxiation. In Thailand.

Back at the abandoned hotel, Police-Dad and Cassidy have a Moment:
P-D: You ready?
Cassidy: I’m your daughter, aren’t I?
P-D: And I’m lucky to have you. I should tell you that more. And have more sex with you.

[I added the last sentence.]

(Me: “They just had a Moment. He’s gonna die.” Matt, indignantly: “SPOILER ALERT!”)

  • Police-Dad = et

Cassidy cries for exactly 34 seconds and then gets pissed. “It killed my dad. I’m gonna kill it.” She leads it through a tunnel into a field, where Paul and The Cajun are crouching behind a tractor, sharing a homoerotic touch.

This whole movie is nothing but sex.

The beasts collide! It’s finally the vs. part of the movie!

While one is killing the other, Paul comes up with a convoluted plan to finish off the victor, involving an explosive and a tub of rainwater. And guess what. It totally works.

The Cajun, Paul, and Cassidy walk off into the sunset, probably to have sex with each other. And Mark too. They shouldn’t leave Mark out.

Overall, super-fun and recommended. I just wish, since everybody was apparently having so much sex, they would’ve showed some of it on screen instead of making me picture it all in my mind. It was hot in my mind, though.

11,419 thoughts on “Dinocroc vs. Supergator”

  1. I think that what you posted was actually very logical.
    However, think on this, what if you added a little
    content? I am not suggesting your information isn’t solid, but what if you added a
    title that makes people want more? I mean Dinocroc vs.
    Supergator is a little boring. You should glance at
    Yahoo’s home page and note how they create
    article titles to grab people to click. You might add a video or
    a related picture or two to grab people excited about what you’ve written. In my
    opinion, it would make your blog a little livelier.

  2. whoa? this web?og is excell?nt i like reading your articles.

    Keep up best place to travel in the world (Keeley) good work!
    You recognize, lot? of persons are looking round for this
    information, you cou?d aid them greatly.

  3. I was suggested this web site by my cousin. I am not sure
    whether this post is written by him as nobody else know
    such detailed about my difficulty. You are wonderful!
    Thanks!

  4. I have learn se?eral just right stuff her?. Definitely worth bookmarking f?r revisiting.
    I wonder how a lot effort you seet th?ngbs to ?o in wisec?nsin in october
    2021 – Abigail – create this s?rt of fantastic informati?e web sit?.

  5. Hi just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know
    a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly.
    I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue.
    I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  6. Hello the?e! Do ?ou u?e Twitter? I’d ?ike too
    follow y?u if t?at w?uld be ok. I’m ab?olutely enjoying ?our blog and lo?k forward t? new updates.

    my web-site; singyapore online math tuition (Otto)

  7. Greetings, I think your blog may be having web browser compatibility
    problems. When I take a look at your web site in Safari,
    it looks fine but when opening in I.E., it has some overlapping issues.
    I just wanted to provide you with a quick heads up! Other than that, great website!

  8. In Singapore’? framework, secondary scool math tuition plays
    ? crucial role in enhancing conceptual clarity.

    Shiok ?ia, watching Singapore dominate t?e math rankings ?n t?e wor?d stage!

    Dear moms ?nd dads, focus on outcomes w?th Singapore math tuition’?
    proven methods. Secondary math tuition develops stamina f?r
    issues. Secondary 1 math tuition exposes calculus concepts ?arly and excitingly.

    Secondary 2 math tuition ?ffers quiet zones fo? focused re?earch study.
    Secondary 2 math tuition lessens distractions. Peaceful secondary 2 math tuition boosts
    performance. Secondary 2 math tuition produces ideal environments.

    ?ith ?-Levels ?n sight, secondary 3 math exams require exceptional ?esults.

    These outcomes influence art ?inks. It promotes proficient patterns.

    Secondary 4 exams ?re a rite in Singapore, where math scores define
    trajectories. Secondary 4 math tuition develops portfolios ?f
    achievements. These records aid ?-Level confidence.
    Secondary 4 math tuition files success stories.

    Mathematics transcends test environments; ?t’? ?n essential ability ?n the AI boom, powering e-commerce recommendation engines.

    Genuine excellence ?n math ?equires loving
    it and applying its principles t? real-?orld daily challenges.

    Students preparing f?r secondary math in Singapore gain f?om p?st papers of multiple schools ??
    improving thei? diagramming skills.

    ?y engaging with online math tuition e-learning
    systems, learners ?n Singapore gain personalized feedback, leading
    t? better performance ?n secondary math assessments.

    Steady lor, ??n’t panic leh, kids enjoy secondary school CCA, no undue stress ?kay?

    T?rough OMT’s custom syllabus that complements t?e MOE educational program, pupils reveal t??
    appeal of rational patterns, promoting ? deep affection f?r math and inspiration for high test scores.

    Experience versatile learning anytime, ?nywhere throu??
    OMT’? detailed online e-learning platform, including endless
    access t? video lessons and interactive quizzes.

    ?he holistic Singapore Math method, wh?ch constructs multilayered ?roblem-solving capabilities, highlights ?hy math tuition ?s vital
    fo? mastering t?e curriculum and preparing f?r future
    professions.

    ?ith PSLE mathematics developing t? consist of more interdisciplinary elements, tuition ?eeps
    students updated ?n incorporated questions mixing mathematics
    ?ith science contexts.

    Linking mathematics principles t? real-world situations v?a tuition ?rows understanding, m?king
    O Level application-based concerns extra friendly.

    Junior college math tuition promotes collective learning ?n tiny teams,
    boosting peer discussions ?n facility ? Level ideas.

    OMT sets ?tself apart w?th an exclusive educational program t?at extends MOE material by
    consisting of enrichment tasks focused ?n developing
    mathematical instinct.

    ?o demand to ta?e a trip, j?st log in f?om home leh,
    saving t?m? t? ressarch even mo?e and push your math grades g?eater.

    Personalized math tuition addresses private weak ?oints,
    transforming average entertainers ?ight int? test toppers in Singapore’s merit-based ?ystem.

  9. Parents sh?uld see secondary school math tuition ?s key in Singapore for balanced secondary subject focus.

    ?an can, Singapore kids’ to? math performance globally ?s truly inspiring lah!

    For families,impact sustaining ?ith Singapore math tuition’? vibrancy.
    Secondary math tuition skills ?ast. Secondary
    1 math tuition ratios trig.

    Secondary 2 math tuition motivates journaling reflections.
    Secondary 2 math tuition promotes metacognition. Thoughtful secondary 2 math tuition deepens understanding.
    Secondary 2 math tuition establishes ?elf-awareness.

    ?ith O-Levels approaching, secondary 3 math exams demand quality f?r foundational security.
    Strong r?sults op?n doors to math celebrations.
    ?hey enhance philosophical inquiries ?ia numb?rs.

    In Singapore’s hi??-stakes education system, secondary 4 math tuition ?s imp?rtant
    for students preparing f?r the vital O-Level exams t?at figure ?ut
    post-secondary pathways. The?e exams a?? critical, as
    strong math scores ??n protect entry ?nto leading junior colleges or polytechnics.
    Secondary 4 math tuition ?rovides targeted practice ?n subjects ?ike calculus
    ?nd vectors, assisting trainees ?void typical pitfalls.
    Eventually, standing ?ut in th??e exams through s?ch tuition shapes future profession opportunities ?n STEM fields.

    Exams build proficiency, ?et mathematics is ? fundamental skill
    ?n the A? surge, failitating crop yield predictions.

    Cultivate love f?r math and us? its principles ?n everyday
    life t? tr?ly shine.

    The import?nce ?annot ?e i?nored: practicing t?e?? promotes ethical exam practices ?? discouraging shortcuts.

    Singapore learners ?ee math exam improvements ?ith online
    tuition e-learning that ?ncludes video explanations f?r tricky O-Level concepts.

    Eh eh, ?on’t s?y die lor, secondary school goot holidays
    t?o, don’t worry ?nd don’t pressure ?our child too hard.

    W?th endless access to practice worksheets, OMT equips students t? understand math w?th repeating, constructing affection f?r t?e subject and test self-confidence.

    Join ou? sma?l-group on-site classes in Singapore for customized assistance ?n a nurturing environment t?at develops
    strong fundamental math skills.

    Singapore’? ?orld-renowned math curriculum highlights conceptual understanding ?ver mere
    computation, m?king math tuition crucial f?r trainees to understand deep concepts ?nd master national exams lik? PSLE and O-Levels.

    primary school school math tuition boosts logical thinking, ?mportant for analyzing PSLE questions involving series
    ?nd s?nsible reductions.

    ?horough comments f?om tuition instructors ?n practice
    attempts helps secondary students gain f?om errors,
    enhancing precision f?r t?? real O Levels.

    ?hrough regular simulated tests ?nd detailed comments, tuition assists junior university student identify ?nd remedy weaknesses ?efore t?e
    actual ? Levels.

    Distinctively, OMT complements t?e MOE educational program ?ia a proprietary
    program that includes real-t?me development tracking f?r personalized enhancement plans.

    OMT’? cost effective online option lah, offering ?igh quality tuition ?ithout
    damaging t?e bank f?r f?r ?etter mathematics outcomes.

    Singapore parents spend ?n math tuition to guarantee
    t?eir kids satisfy the high expectations of the education and learning system for examination success.

    ?lso visit m? web blog :: best math tuition centre in singapore

  10. Hi there ?ould you mind stating which blog p?atform you’re using?
    I’m going to sta?t my own blog in the near future but I’m having a hard
    t?me choosing between ?log?ngine/Wordpress/B2evolut?on and Drupal.

    The reason I ask is because your design ?eems diffe?ent
    then most bl?gs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S My apologies for being off-topic but I had best places to travel in the world with your boyfriend ask!

  11. Secondary school math tuition plays ?n eszsential role in Singapore,providing ?ou? child wit? motivational math experiences.

    Alamak lor, wow at Singapore’s top math position worldwide ?ia!

    Parents, background varied w?th Singapore math
    tuition’s empowerment. Secondary math tuition spaces bridge.
    ?ith secondary 1 math tuition,balance concepts.

    Secondary 2 math tuition m?kes use of visual aids for better understanding.
    Secondary 2 math tuition employs diagrams f?r geometry subjects.

    Visual learners master secondary 2 math tuition settings.

    Secondary 2 math tuition deals ?ith multiple intelligences.

    Doing well in secondary 3 math exams is essential, ?rovided t?e transition. Proficiency avoids mindset shifts.
    ?hey foster standard quadratics.

    Singapore’? meritocracy amuses secondary 4
    exams narratively. Secondary 4 math tuition stories inform.

    ??is preparation enhances O-Level. Secondary 4 math tuition entertains.

    Exaks ?re a phase, yet mathematics ?? a core skill in t?? AI era, facilitating art generation algorithms.

    ?o thrive in math, love the subject and apply math principles in everyday situations.

    ?he importanc? lies in h?w this practice encourages ?esearch on unclear concepts
    fr?m v?rious Singapore school exams.

    Singapore-based online math tuition ?-learning enhances scores t?rough haptic feedback tools f?r interactive devices.

    Lor lor, relax parents, secondary school teachers caring ?ne, don’t prtessure you? kid tooo much ?kay?

    Collective online difficulties ?t OMT build team effort ?n math,
    cultivating love ?nd collective inspiration f?r exams.

    Dive ?nto self-paced math proficiency ?ith OMT’? 12-m?nth e-learning courses, ?omplete
    wit? practice worksheets and recorded sessions f?r comprehensive modification.

    ?s mathematics forms the bedrock ?f abstract t?ought
    and crucial problem-solving in Singapore’s education system, professional math tuition supplies t?e tailored guidance nec?ssary to turn challenges into
    triumphs.

    ?ith PSLE math concerns frequently including real-?orld applications,
    tuition supplies targeted practice t? develop vital thinking abilities ne?essary f?r hi?h scores.

    With O Levels stressing geometry evidence ?nd
    theses, math tuition ?rovides specialized drills t? make sure students c?n tackle t??se ?ith accuracy ?nd confidence.

    Structure confidence ?ith consistent assistance ?n junior college math tuition lowers examination stress ?nd anxiety, result?ng in mu?? better outcomes in A Levels.

    OMT differentiates itself with ? personalized curriculum th?t
    matches MOE’? by including interesting, real-life
    scenarios t? improve pupil rate of interest and retention.

    OMT’? online system enhances MOE syllabus ?ne,
    aiding you take on PSLE math easily ?nd better scores.

    Tuition educators ?n Singapore typically ?ave expert
    understanding of test patterns, leading pupils t? concentrate
    on high-yield topics.

    Check ?ut my site tuition agency

  12. I need to to thank you for this fantastic read!! I absolutely enjoyed every bit of it.
    I’ve got you saved as a favorite to check out new stuff
    you post…

  13. Hey the?e, You’ve done an incredible ?ob.

    I’ll definitely digg it and b?st place in the world to travel in march (Donnie) my view suggest to my friends.

    I am confid?nt they will be benefited from this web?ite.

  14. Hey there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with
    hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing a few months of hard work
    due to no data backup. Do you have any solutions to protect
    against hackers?

  15. Excellent blog you have here.. It’s hard to find high quality writing like yours these days.
    I honestly appreciate individuals like you!
    Take care!!

  16. I loved as much as you will receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored material stylish. nonetheless, you command get bought an edginess over that you wish
    be delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly
    the same nearly very often inside case you shield this increase.

  17. In Singapore’s competitive academic landscape, secondary school math tuition plays ?n essential role ?n helping you?
    post-PSLE child grasp abstract conccepts
    ?arly ?n Secondary 1.

    Wah lor, Singapore’? consistent t?p spot in math ?s
    commendable leh!

    As Singapore molms ?nd dads, prioritize Singapore math tuition f?r
    unmatched math assistance. Secondary math tuition promotes logical reasoning skills.
    Enroll ?n secondary 1 math tuition t? comprehend functions, fostering independence in knowing.

    Secondary 2 math tuition focuses ?n sustainable knowing routines.
    Secondary 2 math tuition teaches t?me management.
    Long-term secondary 2 math tuition advantages extend ?eyond school.
    Secondary 2 math tuition builds lifelong skills.

    Secondary 3 mathh exams ?re vital for O-Level preparedness, t?king ?lace rig?t b?fore the
    culminating ?ear ?f secondary school. ?oing well alleviates dangers of underperformance ?n national tests, wh?re math contributes ?ignificantly t? aggregaqte scores.
    ??is success ?ften associates ?ith enhanced profession prospects in fields ne?ding quantitative skills.

    ?h? value ?f secondary 4 exams in Singapore ?an not be overemphasized, ?s t?ey determine
    access t? vocational o? academic tracks.
    Secondary 4 math tuition targets weak ?oints in trigonometry ?nd functions.
    Regular sessions construct confidence f?r t?e national assessments.

    Families depend ?n secondary 4 math tuition t? maximize
    O-Level result?.

    Math goes furt??r than exam preparation; ?t’s an indispensable competency
    ?n t?e ?I era, essential for developing ethical ?nd efficient ?I
    solutions.

    Genuine excellence ?n math re?uires loving ?t and applying its
    principles to real-world daily challenges.

    Practicing ?ast math exam papers f?om various secondary schools in Singapore
    ?s crucial ?? it exposes students t? diverse question styles, enhancing adaptability f?r the actual secondary
    math exams.

    Utilizing online math tuition ?-learning platforms
    allo?s Singapore kids t? tackle neutron star density fractions.

    ?on’t say lor, steady ah, your child strong f?r secondary school, don’t unduly pressure t?em.

    OMT’s interactive tests gamify understanding, m?king mathematics
    addicting f?r Singapore pupils ?nd motivating th?m
    t? promote impressive examination grades.

    Broaden ?o?r horizons ?ith OMT’s upcoming new physical
    space ?pening in ?eptember 2025,?sing much mo?e opportunities fo? hands-on math exploration.

    Singapore’? focus on imp?rtant analyzing mathematics highlights t?e significance
    ?f math tuition, ?hich helps students develop t?e analytical abilities demanded ?? t?e country’? forward-thinking syllabus.

    ?or PSLE success, tuition uses personalized assistance to weak locations,
    ?ike ratio and portion prob?ems, preventing common risks t?roughout the test.

    W?th the O Level math curriculum occasionally advancing, tuition maintains trainees upgraded ?n change?,
    guaranteeing they ar? well-prepared for current layouts.

    Tuition educates mistake evaluation strategies,
    aiding junior university student prevent usual challenges ?n A
    Level calculations and evidence.

    ?he exclusive OMT educational program attracts attention ?y incorporating MOE curriculum aspects ?ith gamified tests ?nd challenges to m?ke
    discovering ev?n more delightful.

    Gamified components m?ke alteration enjoyable lor, motivating
    ?ven more practice and leading t? grade enhancements.

    With limited course time in institutions, math tuition expands finding ?ut ?our?, vital f?r understanding the
    extensive Singapore mathematics curriculum.

    ?lso visit my ?age; online math tuition singapore

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *