Tag: fashion

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back with another Fix! (Read double-feature Parts 15 & 16, and follow the links for previous posts.)

You guys, this fashion journey I’ve been on the last few years has proved to me that anyone can learn anything–you just have to accept the pace of the student. When Arlo came home from the hospital after not taking anything by mouth for the first seven and a half months of his life, he could take eight watered-down drips of puree. For a long time, it looked like he was going nowhere, but now he eats a whole banana mashed with peanut butter, and I kinda don’t know how we got here. It’s like watching your own hair grow.

Anyhow, look at how I master this Fix with only slight guidance from Kate.

First, another maternity shirt. Why, Stitch Fix?

She likes me in general. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I like me in general too. Likely a combination of being in my 40s (thus giving fewer fucks about stupid shit), having my kids, and exercising regularly. But dressing more fashionably for the body I have is a not-small part of it too.

Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. I’m actually going through a bit of a depression right now. Work is really hard, and I’ve only slept through the night fifteen times in the last two years. And I’m still not desperately in love with my own self, but yeah, I like her. She’s a cool bitch.

Something I don’t like? These pants:

Or these pants:

And then the bane of my goddamn existence: shoes. Flats, in particular.

I shuffled around the house in them for a couple days, and they felt comfortable… until the very moment I stepped outside and scuffed the bottoms. Now, they rub and squeeze. It’s not footmurder exactly, but they’re not fluffy dinosaur feet slippers either. I’m hoping I can break them in, and all will be well.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes! (Another one’s coming down the pike shortly. I’m behind schedule. As usual.)

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (Read Part 13 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

I’m getting the hang of things, you guys. Or at least, sometimes I know when something is a total no, like these jeans* which were wrong in every way except color.

Even when I know something’s terrible, I like to check in with Kate to see if she has any sass about it.

Kate was delinquent in getting back to me this time. It’s OK–I moved on–but I definitely needed her to let me know if it was OK that I liked this shirt:

Why is she under the impression that my feeling good in something is more important than it actually being fashionable? WE’RE NOT THERE YET, as evidence by my pattern misstep:

Oh, well.

Anyway, sometimes I get a thing, and I think it’s ridiculous, but I have a flashback to the orange biker jacket sweatshirt thing, and I doubt myself.

In this case, there was no reason for self-doubt.

My love for Stitch Fix is well-documented, but occasionally they send you a snoozer of a piece, like this:

It might have a detail that’s somewhat interesting:

She didn’t get back to me! And I was like WHY DO I EVEN PAY HER, but then I remembered I don’t pay her. I knew a wrap dress would get her attention though:

There was no reason I wasn’t telling her, other than the usual footmurder and thighfire issues. But!

(a) I wore bike shorts with a dress (the one from the very first Fix), and though they were a little loose and peeked out underneath by the end of the day, and I felt like a goober wearing bike shorts… my thighs ended the day with no mantle plumes.

Then, on a reader’s recommendation, I purchased some Undersummers. These, I can wholeheartedly recommend. While not terribly sexy (they’re giant, beige, high-waisted bloomers), they are very lightweight and non-squeezy; they stay put; and most importantly, they preclude chubrub just as well as bike shorts without making me feel like as much of a goober.

(b) I bought two pairs of sandals that accommodate my perfectly square feet:

these Blowfish Malibus, that are cute but not supportive and make my legs ache by the end of the day (WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL, LADIES)

…and these navy blue Clarks, which are less cute but way more supportive

Footmurder and thighfire SOLVED. At least until winter when it’s too cold to wear open shoes.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

*If you care about such things: (1) DRD Ena skinny jeans, (2) 41Hawthorn Dawney scallop trim blouse, (3) Skies are Blue pagan back strap chambray top, (4) Market & Spruce Brandey criss-cross back ribbed knit top, (5) Gilli Gary knit dress

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Hello, gorgeous babies! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix. In fact, I’m one behind, so look for Part the Tenth shortly. (See parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8.)

First off, a blouse very similar to one I got in Fix 2, and it was just OK, you know?

To be on the safe side, I consulted Kate, as per uzh.

Me: “This shirt–does she do anything for me?”

Kate: “I think Patrick is voting no! Kind of hides your light under a bushel. And by light I mean your sweet rack and tiny waist. And by bushel I mean kinda cheap-looking, see-through fabric that looks like maternity wear. It’s a really good color, though! I tried to give you a compliment sandwich, but really it was a tostada of nope.”

Lol. Tostada of nope. Have I mentioned lately how Kate’s my favorite?

One thing I like about Stitch Fix is they pick things I’d never even glance at on the rack. For example, despite being re-educated about it, my brain still insists on discounting black and navy as a combo, when in fact it’s a totally legit option in the year of our Lord two thousand sixteen. Take this shirt that went over better with Kate than the tostada of nope:

These pants are a gordita of never. These pants are literally the worst pants in the world.

SLAPPED MY FACE AND CHALLENGED ME TO A DUEL LOLOLOLOL. If you don’t know Kate, I’m sorry.

But then there were some pants that did not brandish Wogdon pistols at me:

I’ll have to have them hemmed, but I thought they were very flattering. Kate agreed:

Now you know: if you run into Lysse Mollie straight-leg, FMO, face-slapping, duel-challenging sweatpant-slacks in a store, GIVE THEM THE ASS.

Moving on to accessories!

She asked if I liked it, and I was like, yeah, it’s fine, but exactly how often do I expect to be making a statement like that? I teach sixth grade. Decided to send it back.

That’s it for Fix 9! Dudettes, please use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I don’t get no monies for posting. No opinions have been swayed by monies.)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Hello, smoochies! Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix (see Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7), and SHE NEEDS YOUR HELP! Read on.

Good news/progress–I am accessorizing more these days. But when I saw this, I was unsure:

Who you gonna call? KAAAAAAAAAATE!

She told me to try it on with something I’d wear it with. Uh…

Then we had this little number:

My take:

Kate’s take was slightly more emphatic: “A lumberjack’s worth of no.”

I like blazers in theory, but rarely in practice, and this one:

Meh.

This shirt was very silky and comfy but had a heinous embroidery and lace combo about the neck and shoulders:

Kate said she couldn’t see the design in the picture, so I took a close-up:

I was like, “Ugly, right?”

See? It’s important to consult experts.

Then came the jeans (which I’d have to have hemmed, natch). I knew Kate would be anti-, because of the whiskers, but they were comfy, so I asked if there was anything else offensive about them:

She said they flared. I told her they were boot cut. She said, “Boot cut works if you’re wearing cowboy boots… Are you Marco Rubio?!”

I continued, “BUT I NEED JEANS.” Stomp stomp stomp.

Then she made me question my whole fayshun edjucayshun:

And I told her I wasn’t sure of anything anymore, that she had indoctrinated me against whiskers. She said they’re “no one’s friend” but that feeling good in something is more important than rules.

Is it though?! I need rules to cling to!

Vote, my lovers! Keep necklace? Keep jeans?

Also, use this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep posting these silly blogs about it. (I don’t get no monies for posting. No opinions have been swayed by monies.)

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Hello, lovers. Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist is back with another Fix! (See Parts 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5.)

Welp, I kept all five thangs this time. Don’t get too excited–I didn’t love all of them. In fact, I wasn’t in the Louvre with any of the pieces, but I likeded four.

First up:

Shirt, very comfy. Decent fit. (God, my post-nursing boobs are so smallllll. Waaaaah.) Pants, also good, though they bunched a little at the knees, and–granted, I don’t know wtf I’m talking about, but–these pants don’t feel like $88. Texture-wise, I mean. I’m not sure what $88 pants feel like, but I think it’s not this.

When I expressed concern to Kate about how the pants would hold up in the wash, this exchange followed:

P.S. Here’s the same outfit with the scarf from Fix #4:

Wore this outfit all day:

before realizing I might-should’ve tucked in the shirt:

But then I consulted with Kate about it, and she said, while she liked the proportions of the shirt tucked, actually “long and flowy is a thing now, both very cool-old Eileen Fisher style and cool-young breezy hipster.”

Just when I think I’ve got a thang learnt, they go and change it.

Then there was this:

Why did they send me a chandelier for a Baroque dollhouse?

Even with some of the victories I’ve had, I’m not under any delusions that I have style. But if I have a style, this necklace is the opposite of it.

However, as I said, I kep’ it because with the Buy 5 discount, it was cheaper to hang it in the receiving room of my miniature Palace of Versailles than send it back. Or maaaaybe I’ll send it as a Major Award to one of you shmoopies who uses this link to try Stitch Fix for yourself (because if you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit), and you can put it in your Rococo Barbie dream house. [Ed. note: I don’t know the difference between Baroque and Rococo. I got a C in art history.]

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Hiyo, fashionistas! I’m back with another Fix! (See Parts 1, 2, 3, and 4.)

First, the Definitely-Like-Its:

Here’s my consult with Kate:

Me: Shirt looks boring in pic, but I like it. Pleats in front. Navy. Looks black in pic. Sleeves roll up and button if I’m in the mood. Necklace is kinda cray, but I think it’s a statement piece. RIGHT? DOES IT TIE THINGS TOGETHER?!

Kate: Hahaha, you knew exactly what I was gonna say! Totally dig the necklace.

SCORE ONE, ME.

Hey look, a dress that covers *almost* all of my thigh cellulite:

Kate’s only question about the dress was, “Does it keep ladies covered when you move?” I assured her it did, and she gave me the thumbs up.

Now, for the Others:

I really wasn’t sure what I thought about it, so I messaged Kate. She said she liked it but didn’t love it. She told me swishy isn’t really my “best silhouette” but that I “kill a pencil”*. I sent the swishy skirt back.

(*Oh yeah, I have a pencil skirt in my closet that Kate made me buy a couple years ago. Wonder if it fits my post-pregnancy midriff.)

Last item:

Here’s my exchange with Kate about them:

I’VE BECOME THE TEACHER.

ALL YOUR FAYSHUN RULES ARE BELONG TO ME.

Not really, of course, but it’s nice to know that, three years in, I’m finally learning how this shit works. Self high-five.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

And if you want to try Stitch Fix yourself, please use this link because they’ll give me a $25 credit, and in return I’ll give you an internet high-five or smooch, your choice. 

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Won’t bury the lede–kind of another swing and a miss on this one. Not because of the style. Mostly a size issue this time. For example:

Style was cute. Design, also cute. But when I lifted my arms, the elastic waist ended up tucked under my boobs. Probably because they sent me a Large Petite, and while I’m not Torso McGee, I don’t think I have an especially short trunk either.

Also, the neckline had this cool twisty feature, but the hooks-and-eyes wouldn’t stay latched. Not a huge deal–I could’ve fixed it with a quick squeeze from a pair of pliers–but at $58, I don’t think I should have to do repairs right off the bat.

Another size casualty:

I loved this shirt and would’ve kept it. Look at the elbow patches! Patchy elbows! How professorial!

But it fit like a wetsuit.

And then with the opposite problem:

This sweater made me look like a fat potato.

Fortunately, two items in the Fix were not really size-specific. First:

I wasn’t sure about the scarf. I thought I liked it, but sometimes I don’t know what I like, so I ask Kate if I like it. Turns out, I like it.

Lastly, a purse because my stuff bucket‘s handles were falling apart:

Truth be told, it’s not perfect. First, I prefer silver accents to gold. Second, it’s got tassles, and tassles make me feel weird. And finally, the makeup pouch is in the flap, so the zipper for it is upside-down. Not ideal for a mombag–how’m I gonna grab my Dr. Pepper chapstick one-handed?!

But I like the style, mostly, and the color is gorgeous (navy, if you can’t tell from the pic), and well shit, I just didn’t want to go another month without a stuff bucket.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

And if you want to try Stitch Fix yourself, please use this link because they’ll give me a $25 credit, and in return I’ll give you an internet high-five or smooch, your choice. 

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.