Tag: fayshun

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist—she is back with another (mis)adventure! (For previous posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.)

You get a double-dip again because I am perpetually weeks behind on everything that isn’t absolutely essential, and a few things that are.

Also, sorry about the fuzzy first pic. I think my dad* was messing with the thermostat, so the AC was on, and my computer camera had, like, frost on it.

*If you’re just joining me, my dad lives with me, not the other way around.

I was psyched about seeing dark jeans in the box, but motherfffffffff.

I shared my frustration with Kate, natch.

Kate asked how noticeable the whiskers were.

I thought the stylists would review your file and shit before they shopped for you, and I think they do to a certain extent, but it occurred to me that, like most Americans, they’re probably paid too little to do too much, and they skim it, rather than pore over it, so I’m not taking chances anymore. I’m including this note with every future Fix:

I’m interested–what does your yes/no list look like?

Very occasionally I throw caution to the wind and pull the tags off before I check with Kate:

Kate: trying to improve my body image since 2011.

Not trying to improve my body image? This shirt:

Get fucked, tricky backs!

I was lost on the next piece. It somehow both hugged my curves and made me feel mannish? Fortunately, Kate was there to break it down for me.

I miss those orange pants.

Stitch Fix sent me a skirt, which made me realize, I don’t own any. Like not one. So I thought I’d keep this one if it was OK with Kate.

And they are sending me petites, but I guess I’m even petiter than most.

OK, we’re done with the first box. Are you ready for the second one, or do you need a break? Take a break! Get a snack. Hydrate. Come back when you’re ready.

You’re back! Yay, I missed you.

I didn’t even ask for a purse, but high-five, Stitch Fix, because the straps are wearing out on my old one.

Then, pants. I need some better lighting in my room. These are not black.

Now, when will I have time to get them hemmed…? Lemme check.

Looks like 2032.

<creates Google calendar event>

<tucks hems under and crosses fingers>

I kinda liked the next piece:

But I had a concern.

I ended up keeping it because the Buy 5 discount meant it was cheap and besides now I can do this bit:

Then we have a non-wow-but-OK-for-work blouse:

Get fucked, tricky backs!

Last but not least, or maybe last and least, a non-wow-but-OK-for-work cardigan:

That’s the Fixes.

In other fashion news, I ordered two pairs of flats from Zappos, and goddammit. I was thisclose to moving to a year-round-sandals climate because the only closed shoes that don’t shred my feet are sneakers and Timberlands, and neither really goes with slacks.

But I just went to DSW and tried on a couple pairs of flats that felt like butter going on. And that’s when I decided I would never buy another shoe that doesn’t feel like butter going on, the first time. None of this maybe they’ll stretch shit. I’ve never successfully broken in a pair of shoes. They either feel good immediately or they never will.

Anyhow, they’re not The World’s Cutest,

but as a 43-year-old exhausted fat single mom and middle school teacher, my threshold for pain-in-the-pursuit-of-cuteness has become narrow–almost imperceptible to the naked eye, in fact. And besides, they’re Cute Enough.

(The Atlantic recently published an article called “Why Women’s Shoes Are So Painful” that made me feel seen. The author basically narrated my experience. Of course, I made the mistake of reading the Facebook comments, and there were a bunch of women who were like, “Oh really? I’ve worn heels and flats my whole career, and I’ve never had any problems.” I resisted the urge to write, “WELL, CONGRATUFUCKINLATIONS ON YOUR PERFECT HOOVES, SHARON.”)

There you have it. I have another Fix coming in a week or two, and also I was thinking about hitting up Lane Bryant again? I haven’t been there since 2009, but I put on a pair of their pants the other day (yes, the ones I bought in 2009)–totally frayed and a victim of my trademark Swingline sartorial skillz–but very stretchy and flattering.

Anyhow, I hope to scratch together another post soon.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and for as little as $1/month, see these posts early and get access to other super-secret posts!

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with more (mis)adventures! (If you want to read previous Stitch Fix/fashion posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.)

Let’s jump right in with a #no. Don’t get me wrong–I love a peasant blouse but not this peasant blouse.

As always, Kate could articulate it perfectly.

Question: Am I too old for pigtails?

I have no interest in jellies, but pretty much my whole beach vacation, I had my sister-in-law do double French braids, and tbh I’d do them myself 6 out of 7 days except my arms get real tired.

Moving on. Stitch Fix did it again. I mean, it’s fine. It’s fine. V-necks flatter me; it’s basic black; the cut is decent. But as usual

Looking back on previous fashion posts, I’m astounded by how much #booshit I kept. I kept items that were not right, just because I thought they were the best I could get, or maybe the best I deserved. But the best I can get, what I deserve, is clothing that makes me feel great. Not

I feel like there’s a life lesson in there.

Next we had these pants that kinda looked and sorta felt like a fuzzy bathrobe.

And hard as my knee-jerk #no was, I had the weird feeling that Kate would disagree, and I was right.

(Note: The orange biker sweatshirt mentioned below is a seminal fashion moment for your Avid Bruxist. If you weren’t around for it, click here.)

She didn’t hate them?

She said work, sure, but I just couldn’t do it. Felt like a clown, and eighty-nine and a half ducats is too dear for this Bozo. Sent them back.

Kate let me know Boden is a British clothing company that she’s obsessed with, and Ravello is one of their signature shirts. It’s a good shirt. Might have to get some.

Though, you know what? Part of my battle against diet culture/diet mentality has been curating my social media feeds to include body diversity, and man!, looking at Boden’s website has reminded me that most companies still feature only your garden-variety, taller-than-average, near-anorexic model. Stahp. For fuck’s sake. Maybe I won’t buy your goddamn Ravello.

Speaking of taller-than-average, I myself am not. I’m not even averager-than-average. You wouldn’t think that would matter when it comes to accessories, but that’s where you’re wrong.

To be fair, “long” was in the name, but

She makes me google so many things! Apparently, JVN is Jonathan Van Ness of Queer Eye fame, and everything for him is a “moment.”

Since the first draft of this post, I’ve started watching QE, and I. Am. Obsessed.

Except with the episode where they solve police brutality against black men with a chat and a hug. That one made me want to throw my TV out the window.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and for as little as $1/month, see these posts early and get access to other super-secret posts!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (If you want to read previous Stitch Fix/fashion posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.) As always, Kate will play the role of consigliere.

Get excited! This is a double post because I can’t keep up with shit while working and parenting and mowing the gotdamn lawn.

Guess what Stitch Fix did! They put a bird on it! Again! And I am here for it. I’d be happy if my closet were a straight-up apiary.

Wait, googling.

No, I meant aviary.

Though if they sent me a bumblebee print shirt next time, I would keep that shit.

Keep this part about the statement necklace in mind, reader. This is what English teachers call foreshadowing.

Next, we had some white jeans.

My concerns were twofold. Length and color. I didn’t know what the right length is, but I felt like it was not whatever length this was. Kate confirmed my suspicions.

(For the record, not obvs.)

(Also for the record, Y THEY NOT LISSEN TO ME ABOUT DISTRESSED SHIT. NO WANT.)

Myriad problems with the next piece.

Kate’s response was: Oh Nooooooooo! You know I’ll always welcome a show of your ladies… But that garment wounds me. That print is 90s working woman realness, usually found on a dress worn with socks and white sneaks for the commute. And why are there so many open holes and ties?! Why?!

It’s a mystery.

I wasn’t sure about this dress, especially because it would require a strapless bra, and the people who make strapless bras, much like the people who make shapewear, are sadists, but Kate was into it.

Most of the jewelry Stitch Fix has sent me is either garbage or ugly or both (more foreshadowing!), but I loved these earrings.

Now, let’s move on to the second Fix, which was a total bust. First one in a long time–maybe ever–that I sent all five pieces back.

(Note: For every Fix, you pay a $20 styling fee, which is subtracting from your total if you keep any items. So if you don’t buy anything, it’s like throwing twenty bucks out the window. But you can instead commit to a whole year of styling–as many Fixes as you want– for $49, which I did a couple months ago. Ergo, I didn’t lose any money sending everything back this time.)

Liked the first thing fine, but.

Kate agreed that the price was nuts.

You know that scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep excoriates Anne Hathaway because she scoffs at the choice between two belts which look exactly the same to her? I definitely am Anne Hathaway-level ignorant about fashion, but I’m getting a very slow, very limited education during this whole process. I’m learning things. Like the difference between denim and chambray.

[Typo: still = silk]

Kate has on more than one occasion warned me off boob pockets, so I knew that would be an issue, but she also said the sleeves were too short. Noted.

I know there are women who can wear skirts and dresses without something running interference between their thighs. I just wonder what that life is like. Seems amazing.

Speaking of thighs, I’m really, really trying to get to a place of, if not body positivity, at least body neutrality. I’m trying to reject social constructs of beauty and unrealistic societal body standards.

I’m just not there yet.

In addition, you could see the pocket outline which means these size 16 shorts were too small. I’m trying not to be sad about that. Being a human woman is hard.

Anyway, let’s get back to the statement necklace. I told my stylist I wanted a chunky beaded necklace to go with the bird blouse. I was thinking something like this

but maybe in aqua or pink.

What I got was this:

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t know what my personal style is, but I know what it’s not–this hideous thing. I would pay $42 if the company would promise never to manufacture another one.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and for as little as $1/month, get access to super-secret posts!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (If you want to read previous Stitch Fix/fashion posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.)

If you’re just joining us, I am bad at fashion, and my friend Kate is good at fashion, so she is my stylist. Her duties include coaching me on what to keep and what to send back to Stitch Fix every month. I pay her for her services in love. But not romantic love because she’s already married.

Let’s do this! First piece:

That’s right, I’m here for all your 2011 Portlandia references. #hepcat

It’s kind of sheer so I should probably wear a cami under it. That will just depend on how much I give a shit that day, I guess. But yay! First piece is a keeper!

Then, oh no!

An obvious no at a fraction of the NINETY-EIGHT DOLLAR price–WHAT?!, but then came a bit of textual confusion.

My feelings were, it was a shirt.

The thing about Stitch Fix prices is they’re always high for the quality, but you have to factor in that somebody else is shopping for you, which for me is worth a lot lot lot, so $32 for this shirt–I was like wellallrightfine.

Next we have an accessory:

I didn’t keep it because it was just a thing, and a $34 one at that, but it did remind me that accessories exist. I hadn’t actually unpacked my jewelry after my move. Nine months ago.

So I did that! I hung up my accessory hanger! Ergo, the Stitch Fix necklace served a purpose.

Last item is (Brian Fellows voice) A DRESSSSSSSSS! That’s right, I’m here for all your 1999 Saturday Night Live references.

I wore it to Kate’s wedding, which was not actually her wedding because she got married 15 months ago up in DC but more like a party to remind everybody she got married. I even wore makeup! The same makeup Kate made me buy… in 2012. I know you’re supposed to throw your makeup out every six months, but if I did that, I’d be throwing away makeup that I used thrice, and that’s not sound economic or environmental policy.

Anyway, that reminded me that I really only know 1.5 makeup lewks–the one she and Meg taught me and I taught you in the days of yore, and then a little red lipstick jobby that I pull out on occasion. I should probably learn some more about makeup. Beauty iz harrrrrrrrrrd, you guys.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

Become my patron on Patreon, and get access to super-secret posts!

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
Follow Avid Bruxist on Twitter.

Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist! She is back with another Fix! (Read double-feature Parts 15 & 16, and follow the links for previous posts.)

You guys, this fashion journey I’ve been on the last few years has proved to me that anyone can learn anything–you just have to accept the pace of the student. When Arlo came home from the hospital after not taking anything by mouth for the first seven and a half months of his life, he could take eight watered-down drips of puree. For a long time, it looked like he was going nowhere, but now he eats a whole banana mashed with peanut butter, and I kinda don’t know how we got here. It’s like watching your own hair grow.

Anyhow, look at how I master this Fix with only slight guidance from Kate.

First, another maternity shirt. Why, Stitch Fix?

She likes me in general. And you know what? For the first time in my life, I like me in general too. Likely a combination of being in my 40s (thus giving fewer fucks about stupid shit), having my kids, and exercising regularly. But dressing more fashionably for the body I have is a not-small part of it too.

Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t perfect. I’m actually going through a bit of a depression right now. Work is really hard, and I’ve only slept through the night fifteen times in the last two years. And I’m still not desperately in love with my own self, but yeah, I like her. She’s a cool bitch.

Something I don’t like? These pants:

Or these pants:

And then the bane of my goddamn existence: shoes. Flats, in particular.

I shuffled around the house in them for a couple days, and they felt comfortable… until the very moment I stepped outside and scuffed the bottoms. Now, they rub and squeeze. It’s not footmurder exactly, but they’re not fluffy dinosaur feet slippers either. I’m hoping I can break them in, and all will be well.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes! (Another one’s coming down the pike shortly. I’m behind schedule. As usual.)

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (Read Part 13 here, and follow the links for previous posts.)

I’m getting the hang of things, you guys. Or at least, sometimes I know when something is a total no, like these jeans* which were wrong in every way except color.

Even when I know something’s terrible, I like to check in with Kate to see if she has any sass about it.

Kate was delinquent in getting back to me this time. It’s OK–I moved on–but I definitely needed her to let me know if it was OK that I liked this shirt:

Why is she under the impression that my feeling good in something is more important than it actually being fashionable? WE’RE NOT THERE YET, as evidence by my pattern misstep:

Oh, well.

Anyway, sometimes I get a thing, and I think it’s ridiculous, but I have a flashback to the orange biker jacket sweatshirt thing, and I doubt myself.

In this case, there was no reason for self-doubt.

My love for Stitch Fix is well-documented, but occasionally they send you a snoozer of a piece, like this:

It might have a detail that’s somewhat interesting:

She didn’t get back to me! And I was like WHY DO I EVEN PAY HER, but then I remembered I don’t pay her. I knew a wrap dress would get her attention though:

There was no reason I wasn’t telling her, other than the usual footmurder and thighfire issues. But!

(a) I wore bike shorts with a dress (the one from the very first Fix), and though they were a little loose and peeked out underneath by the end of the day, and I felt like a goober wearing bike shorts… my thighs ended the day with no mantle plumes.

Then, on a reader’s recommendation, I purchased some Undersummers. These, I can wholeheartedly recommend. While not terribly sexy (they’re giant, beige, high-waisted bloomers), they are very lightweight and non-squeezy; they stay put; and most importantly, they preclude chubrub just as well as bike shorts without making me feel like as much of a goober.

(b) I bought two pairs of sandals that accommodate my perfectly square feet:

these Blowfish Malibus, that are cute but not supportive and make my legs ache by the end of the day (WE CAN’T HAVE IT ALL, LADIES)

…and these navy blue Clarks, which are less cute but way more supportive

Footmurder and thighfire SOLVED. At least until winter when it’s too cold to wear open shoes.

If you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, use this link. If you do that, they’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly fayshun blogs.

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

*If you care about such things: (1) DRD Ena skinny jeans, (2) 41Hawthorn Dawney scallop trim blouse, (3) Skies are Blue pagan back strap chambray top, (4) Market & Spruce Brandey criss-cross back ribbed knit top, (5) Gilli Gary knit dress

______________________

Like Avid Bruxist on Facebook.
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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.