Whilst celebrating the birthday of my sister-wife* today, I met a friend of hers, who I immediately connected to. Remember how I talked about sparks? It was like that. Now don’t get too excited—her friend was gay, but I’m just saying, you know when somebody you meet is a kindred spirit.
Anyway, so, not sure how the topic came up, but I was sharing with the table at Vin Rouge that, when I was a kid, I had some variety of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder or something. Maybe a sensory input problem, I didn’t know.
The way it manifested itself was, say my right leg itched. Well, if I scratched it, I had to scratch my left leg in the same place or else I felt unbalanced. If I bumped into a wall with my left elbow, I would turn around and bump my right elbow into it too.
Turns out, Kristen’s friend—the one I want in my posse—is a psychiatrist, so I was all, “Hey, what the hell was wrong with me?”
He explained that, when we’re little, we believe in magic, we believe things that are broken can be made whole again, etc. But as we develop and understand the bounds of reality, the transition can be jarring. The “balancing” actions I took were a way of holding onto the old scenario. If I stretched one arm out, stretching the other would make it as if neither happened.
This was my meager understanding of what he said. It’s totally possible that my paraphrasing is completely wrong.
But it’s interesting to think about, right?
You want to know the best part? One day, when I was probably eleven or twelve, I was like, “Amy, that is some fucked-up shit. You need to cut it out.” I had always known it was weird; I had always felt like I had to hide it. So that day, I just talked myself out of my mental illness.
Sure wish I could do that with the rest of my emotional special needs.
*To clarify, my sister-wife, Kristen, and I are (in our fantasy) both married to Paul, who is (in real life) married to Jeff.
I used to have some OCD with the house door being locked. I’d lock the door, then think; Did I really lock the door? Go back. Did I accidentally unlock the door? Did I check the top lock? Did I check the bottom lock? Did I accidentally unlock the locks with all my MOFO wiggling and pushing…
I eventually talked myself out of my madness and that spending 20 minutes checking the door lock was a waste of my time.
Also had similar compulsive behavior as a kid. My shit was truly specific and weird.
Actually I can still find some of those compulsions if I pay enough attention to my sub-conscious, but like you, at around 12, I (mostly) stopped listening to them.
I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies. I have no OCD tendencies.
Good enough paraphrase there! OCD is a spectrum, ranging from normal types of behaviors to the extreme, no-limits stuff we see in quirky detectives, but it all serves a function, and understanding the function can help modify the expression of magical or rigid thinking.
Oh! Now I see how you know each other! :) small world.
If i put one hand it water, I HAVE to get the other one wet as quickly as possible. and I can’t stand to have only one sock on, I don and remove socks in a very speedy fashion. I embrace it! :-)
Oh my god! Who knew there were so many obsessive-compulsives out there? And don’t I feel like not-such-a-badass-after-all since y’all talked yourselves out of it too.
Matt, I really listened hard. I’m glad I got it more or less correct.
we all are a little OCD. For example, I cannot leave my house without a pristine bed. I mean physically C A N N O T! I love your candor on your blog. I think you are freaking fantastic and I am so glad I have gotten to know you better! PS totally dying to know the CFD crush, because I’m from the South and we love the deets!
My only compulsive behavior is checking avidbruxist.com for updates a hundred times a day.
LEEN CLEAN, ha! Candor! Yes, if it’s one thing I am, it’s candid. I found that the posts people respond most to are the ones that I’m afraid to publish because I think they’ll weird some folks out.
Wa, you’re my sister. It’s not compulsive behavior; it’s duty.