I’m inspired to write down some New Year’s resolutions…primarily by my friend Dan, who has resolved not to miss an episode of “The Jersey Shore”. But also by an e-crush who grew an ironic mustache for his friend’s New Year’s Eve wedding, and resolved to shave off his ironic mustache.
Here goes:
- I’ll wear clothes to work. What I slept in the night before can still count.
- I’ll water my plants when (a) I remember, (b) they turn yellow, or (c) they grow a pair and ask for what they need.
Feel free to make suggestions or add your own resolutions in the comments section.

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