For some godforsaken reason, I ordered seven boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year. And that simple act blew New Year’s Resolution #5 all to shit. What is it about those damn things? I know people say, “It’s ’cause they’re only available once a year.”
Bullshit.
The kinds I like are
Well, guess what the Keebler elves make and provide to my local Kroger year-round?
And guess how much they taste like their Girl Scouty counterparts?
Exactly. They taste exactly like Girl Scout cookies.
So why was I eating five Caramel Delites every afternoon on the way to the gym? And then a half-sleeve of Thin Mints after. Seriously, like I couldn’t have them any day of the damn year.
I don’t know, but I took every last cookie to school yesterday and gave them away to my students. I feel so much better.
Those are not Caramel Delites. They’re Samoas. SAMOAS, I tell you! And the shortbread ones will always be Trefoils.
And yes, I can finish that pledge.
And the peanut butter ones are TAG-A-LONGS. And the Thin Mints? Aren’t supposed to have that weird scalloped edge. Don’t mess with it if it ain’t broke.
I feel like you guys missed the point.
I have solved myproblem with bingeing (binging?) on Thin Mints by NEVER buying them. Instead I write a nice check marked “donation” to the troop selling them. And then pray that none of my students will bring any to class. Actually, somebody brought some to class the other day and I held it to four, which I thought was pretty good. But I really wanted the whole box.
what was the point?
That I can’t have GS cookies in the house or I go psycho.
Man, why is this pissing me off so much this morning?
Eh. The resolution is still there waiting for you. When you get to the end of the year, a week of girl scouty binging goodness is going to amount to a drop in the bucket. Finish your seven boxes (not all this afternoon), and get back to your occasional sweet plan.
Or you can use it to reinforce your other goals by only eating girl scout cookies when you’re wearing a slinky black dress.
Dip them in soy milk (or oat, hemp or almond) and wallow in rationalization.