Not the Best Piece of Hay in the Stack

Sometimes what my students write in their get-to-know-me letters makes me laaaaaaaff. I`m a 12 year old girl who is a shy girl. And when I get nervous i start picking my eye browns or my eyelashies. My sisters “love” to sing. I think it’s annoying. The

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Damn-Near Handsome

Dad: Ames, I dropped a pair of reading glasses down your toilet. …Don’t worry! …I have about 15 pairs. ********** Dad: I’m a big fan of Woody Harrelson. Especially now that he’s no longer a mushroom-eating moon howler. (?????) ********** Dad, re baby names: Of course, the

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He Doesn’t Have Any Rules to Live By

Every so often, my dad and I take a trip together. But sometimes, he just comes down to stay with me for the weekend. We sit and talk—he talks mostly. We go out to eat—he loves the Thai place. He uses my internet while I go to

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#YesAllWomen

I wrote this is 2010, after a man, who had found me on a dating website, “done some recon”, and started reading my blog, made a sexual comment on a post. Here it is, excerpted and slightly edited for clarity: I think every woman has had some

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Adventures in Eldercare, Part Deux

This is probably the last time I’ll be able to relieve my mother of her eldercare duties, for a while anyway, so I drive up with Dad, and they take off for the Berkshires. Some things are the same. “Here are the dogs!” Denture-smacking. Cribbage shit-talk. Laughing at weird things:

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Chicken Wing Parable

“But I’m trying, Ringo. I’m trying real hard to be the shepherd.” -Jules Violet’s collar popped right off. She realized she was loose within a split-second of when I did, too late for me to snatch at her neck. She took off towards the busy two-lane, and

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Too Many Assholes

Dad: (surprised) I didn’t run into too many assholes today. ********** Me, trying to find some relatively healthy road snacks: How about lima bean hummus? Dad: No hummus of any kind. Me: No? Dad: Gook. Me: But it’s delicious gook. Dad: GOOK! ********** My dad’s plumber’s cleavage

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Dad-isms

I’m about to spend some time with Dad (post forthcoming, I’m sure), so I pulled up the note in my iPhone where I tap in all of his quips. Behold, I found several that I’ve collected over the last few months. Happy Saturday, everybody. Dad, re the

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Baby Happy Pants

I’m shifting all the Baby Happy Pants stuff over to the tumblr. I’ll post links to the Avid Bruxist Facebook page and Twitter feed when I remember, but if you come here directly and don’t want to miss those posts, you should know they’re over yonder. Like

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Better Coffee Rockefeller’s Money Can’t Buy

I’m so tired. So, so tired. Like, same kind of tired as back when I mainlined gluten. Could I be making a baby? How early in a pregnancy is the begone-with-ye-I-must-sleep-for-a-fortnight feeling? Come to think of it, glutenday got away from me a bit this week—I’ve had bread several days in

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