On My Honor, I Will Try

For some godforsaken reason, I ordered seven boxes of Girl Scout cookies this year. And that simple act blew New Year’s Resolution #5 all to shit. What is it about those damn things? I know people say, “It’s ’cause they’re only available once a year.”

Bullshit.

The kinds I like are

Caramel Delites,
Thin Mints, and
Peanut Butter Patties.

Well, guess what the Keebler elves make and provide to my local Kroger year-round?

Coconut Dreams,
Grasshoppers, and
Peanut Butter Filled cookies.

And guess how much they taste like their Girl Scouty counterparts?

Exactly. They taste exactly like Girl Scout cookies.

So why was I eating five Caramel Delites every afternoon on the way to the gym? And then a half-sleeve of Thin Mints after. Seriously, like I couldn’t have them any day of the damn year.

I don’t know, but I took every last cookie to school yesterday and gave them away to my students. I feel so much better.