Like 95% of females in this country, I have spent a really stupid number of hours of my life fretting about what number would show up when I stepped on a scale. But about eight years ago, when I decided to seek treatment for my food addiction, I started by buying two books, one called Overcoming Overeating and the other, When Women Stop Hating Their Bodies. In them, the authors said, Do NOT weigh yourself; throw out your scale. And I did. I didn’t weight myself for years. When I went to the doctor’s office, I would close my eyes and tell the nurse not to say my weight out loud. I still don’t weigh myself. I don’t own a scale. I only know approximately how much I weigh.
Here’s the thing, I like measurable results. I like to see data about how I’ve improved. Or not. I think it can be really motivational. But only when there’s no mental illness involved in your outcomes.
Because, for a compulsive overeater/food addict/emotional eater/what-have-you, the absolute worst thing you can do is focus on your weight. If you’re trying to heal yourself from obsessive thoughts about food, weighing yourself adds a whole new level of crazy. I know this first-hand. When I used to go on diets, I would think about nothing but food, I would gorge myself on food I hated because it was low in Points, and I would scheme how to trick the scale—“Maybe if I take off my earrings before I weigh in, I’ll hit my weight goal.”
Now I have a new weight goal. It’s called a PR, and I won’t ever see it by stepping on a scale. A PR is a personal record. As in, you pick up more weight than you ever have before.
You may remember my first attempts at the clean & jerk back in late August. I was lifting about 25 lbs. Well, by December 29, I hit a one-rep max of 73 lbs. I hadn’t tried for a new 1RM since. This week’s Open WOD called for clean & jerks…at 110 lbs. for females. Ha! I knew I wouldn’t be able to C&J 110 lbs., but I figured it was a good time to find my new 1RM. If I hit 88 pounds, I was fixing to be really happy.
I worked up to 73, doing three reps at a time. Cake.
I decided to do one rep at each increment from there on out.
78. Easy.
83. No problem.
88. Fine.
93. Fail.
Coaching from Rich…93. Yep.
95.5. With more coaching from Rich, done.
98. Rich, coaching, got it.
100.5. Fail. Rest. Rich, coaching. Cleaned, and motherfucking jerked.
I tried 103, but I was shot. I did not care. 100.5 pounds! Now I can’t wait to get back in there and lift 103 pounds over my head.
Why I love CrossFit (with a hat tip to friend and awesome athlete, Nelly, and I quote): My “weight goal” is now something that I want to LIFT, as opposed to something I want to BE.
You make me smile sooo much! So proud of you and love you!
I love this post. You’re a great writer and an incredible person and I’m crazy proud of you for rocking the hell out of that C&J (and like everything else you touch, bee tee dubs). And thanks for the hat tip! :)
Also, isn’t Rich an amazing coach? Off the top of my head, I can think of three times I got a major 1RM with him helping out.
wow. you can clean and jerk redford! go amy!
Congrats!!
Thank you, Cort and Nelly and Margo and Dennis!
And Margo, I could definitely clean & jerk Redford, but he’s so squirmy. And when I got him in the rack position, he’d probably kiss me and then I’d laugh and drop him on his head, and he would only sort of notice. He’s a special dog.
Thank you for the article. So many women can relate who have joined CF and were so happy to see this place of zero mirrors and no scales. Just weights, bars, and happy, motivated people. I had the same experience with a max rep of 70 for my clean and jerk. After working up to the rx’d weight and being able to clean it- I was ecstatic! But no jerk. After a few days and more coaching, I actually did 1.5 rounds RX increasing my PR by 40lbs! What a sense of accomplishment I felt. Way more then looking down and dropping 5lbs on the scale. CF has definitely changed my life as with so many others.
what a wonderful accomplishment. what a supportive, lovely community of athletes. what an inspiration. lovelovelove
Yes, Kari, exactly. Society keeps telling me I don’t fit in, and CrossFit keeps telling me I’m getting harder, better, faster, stronger.
And Melissa, the community IS the difference. I never could’ve done this shit on my own.
I’m wondering what your view count has been b/c I’ve been sharing this post like a mo’ fo’!
Thanks, Joe! Yeah, usually I get about 80 visitors a day. The most I’ve ever gotten was 120.
Yesterday, I had 415 visitors…!!!
So thanks to you and others who’ve passed the link along.
That is amazing. My sisters amaze me. Love, Amazed Brother.
Your sisters are athletes! Who’da thunk it?
I’m gonna *cut* you…. Especially now that you’re famous.
OK, Bon Qui Qui. Is that what you had said?
Thank God. Another binge eater who found CrossFit. I was beginning to think I was the only one with an eating disorder around here!
I love the idea of making your goal weight your PR rather than the weight on the scale. My personal mantra is “I’m not the number on the scale. I won’t have my value determined by it.” (It isn’t working, yet. But I repeat it all the time. Eventually, that message will stick.)
No, Stacy, I think there are more of us than there might appear to be. Let’s keep speaking our truth. I think we can help a lot of women feel less isolated.