Amy’s Fashion (Mis)Adventures: Maria Von Trapp Muumuu

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist—she is back with another (mis)adventure in which she messages her friend Kate who Knows About Fashion Things for advice and spiritual guidance! For previous posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.

Also, reminder that if you support me on Patreon (as little as $1 a month!), you get to read these posts early and other posts that the masses don’t get to see at all.

Let’s start with good news: This Stitch Fix box contained no tricky backs.

The bad news: Literally everything else.

Here were some pants that would’ve been fine.

Front
Side
Back

Except I’m a hobbit.

41 Hawthorn Zoe ankle zip skinny pant $78

Don’t send me shit I can’t get tailored for under $10, or at least tuck under and staple!

Moving on. My style profile says I like “clean patterns.” Does this qualify? No, it does not.

Nine Britton Beverly Hacci shift dress $48

Unless I take my hands off my hips, and then it’s more of…

Reader, I can’t yodel. By the transitive property of equality, I can’t wear curtains.

Sometimes, there’s an item that’s just “Eh” but, in contrast with other more craptastic items, seems “Eh?” Like, maybe I’ll keep this because at least it’s better than those other things? Fortunately, I’m getting better at recognizing them, like this Eh sweater in Eh grey.

Colourworks (irony!) Izy braided sleeve detail pullover $68

This next sweater might’ve been OK, but it didn’t Spark Joy™, and like every other Netflix subscriber, I’m trying to do what Marie Kondo tells me to.

Cyrus Leesa hooded pocket ribbed cardigan $88

As much as I identify as a hobbit (short, hates shoes, regularly eats second breakfast, etc.), I do so little traveling by foot with a bindle now that I have kids.

Echo Sisily floral oblong scarf $39

I certainly didn’t like it $39 worth.

When we both realized this Fix was a zero-for-five, we jinxed each other with simultaneous thumbs-down gifs.

I started this post with bad news, so I might as well bookend it with more bad news. The Lane Bryant jeans and pants I mentioned last time are… not magical. I think I mistook their roominess for awesomeness. And I mean, roominess is a type of awesomeness, but they drape kinda weird and sag when not tightly belted, which defeats the purpose of roominess anyway.

The sports bras are all right, but they cost sixty bucks each so they fucking better be.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself (not all Fixes are bad, swear), please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

______________________

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74 thoughts on “Amy’s Fashion (Mis)Adventures: Maria Von Trapp Muumuu”

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