How Much for That Black Skull, No the One with the Flames

Just got home. Some friends and I rented a cabin up in the mountains for the weekend. We hiked. We hot-tubbed. We had a good time.

Saturday we went into the tiny town of Chimney Rock. Recently I lost an earring from my favorite pair, and shortly thereafter, one from my second favorite pair, so I was hoping that there would be some artsy-craftsy stores selling silver jewelry.

I didn’t find any, but I did find these items for sale.

[UPDATE: To be clear, these photos were taken in nine different stores. Some of my friends thought this was one magical shit-store, but no. All the stores in Chimney Rock are shit-stores.]

Breakfast syrup. Put it on your breakfast.
Ingredients 1, 2, 3, and 5 are sugar.
Bargain at any price.
For the decorative skull enthusiast.
Native-themed home decorations, Looney Tunes statues, and Coca-cola polar bears all in one convenient location.
So many groups to offend, so little buckle collection board space.
Often I find paintings of wolf heads or horse heads and I say, “I would buy these, but they’re *not printed on a piece of wood*.” Well.
A banjo-themed suncatcher… *shaped like a banjo*. Meta.
Ha ha! Gun violence is hilarious.
I.
Gtfo. That’s not a bench press. That’s a weighted push-up.
You know, for enlightenment.
In case you can’t read the hanger, it says “Hillbilly Brief Case”. /Hilarious./
I’m not sure what offends me more, the kitsch or the lapse in parallel structure. Wash your hands or you might get Jesus!

The whole town of Chimney Rock belongs on the Worst Things for Sale website.

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