Here’s the thing about compulsive eating, and if you’re an alcoholic, addict, or other type of self-destructor, you can sing along with the bouncing ball: I swear to god I want to change. I want it so, so bad. I would compromise my morals if I knew that it would take away the impulse to do damage to myself.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I had a conversation on Saturday with a friend of mine that went something like this:
Me: I need to start running, but I’m slower than [our mutual friends who run].
Him: You can keep up with them.
Me: I’m way shorter, and my BMI is way higher.
Him: You can change your BMI.
Me: Well, see, I eat too much.
Him: Do you drink enough water? Water will make you feel full.
Me: Doesn’t matter. I eat when I’m not hungry. I’ve developed some pretty messed-up coping strategies to deal with my emotions.
Him: Well, now that you know that, do you want to continue doing it?
Me: No. I’ve been working on it for about eleven years.
Him: What do you eat during a day?
I recited a list, explained that I eat, for the most part, healthy stuff, but just too much of it because it helps me suppress feelings.
Him: If you take out 350 calories a day—just substitute a big glass of water for one of those snacks—you’ll lose a pound every ten days.
Me: (sigh)
I know this. I know it. I understand the math. I get how calories work. I grasp the concept of energy out versus energy in.
I just can’t stop it. And don’t think I’m not trying. I’ve read books, seen therapists, been in groups, taken skills classes, meditated—shit, I even went to eight sessions of hypnosis. I’m trying. I really, really am.
But some people seem to think this is the solution:
When somebody offers me the “stop it” therapy approach, it actually makes the problem worse. Since that conversation with my friend, I’ve been shoving food in my face like it’s performance art.
And not to blame him; his is a perfectly reasonable solution. I just have an unreasonable reaction to it.
I’d bet most people have something they wish they could just stop doing. Maybe it’s too much food, drugs, sex, gambling, surfing the internet, or watching TV. Maybe it’s being passive-aggressive or getting themselves into unhealthy relationships. Maybe it’s sniping at their significant other. Something that they know is bad for themselves and their relationships but they just feel compelled to do.
I guess, if you don’t have any self-destructive behaviors, there’s no way you could empathize with the struggle of someone who does. But if you don’t have any self-destructive behaviors, then god love ya. Be thankful. And when it comes to offering advice to those with addictions or compulsions, kindly just stop it.
P.S. This post is dedicated my friend, M, who shares my struggle and was told today by another male friend of ours to stop it.