They’ll All Cowtow

I just finished a two-day road trip with my dad, my dogs, and a 14′ canoe. (Just delivering the water vessel to my mom, not actually canoeing with a half-deaf 72-year-old and two pit bulls.)

Why would I subject myself to such torture, you ask?

Well, because of these conversational gems, of course:

Dad: (pointing at a sign) Ah, ‘Welcome Center, 1 1/2 miles’, where I have changed my pants in the parking lot.

…

Dad: (to a car which was clearly pulled over for speeding) That’ll teach you to smoke dope!

…

Dad: That road is configured just the way I’d nightmared it.

…

Dad: What time do you want to get up?

Me: Eight.

Dad: Ha.

Me: I know you’re gonna wake up at 4:30, but I’m telling you that if you move around, my dogs’ll think it’s time to get up and I’ll be pissed. You better lie there and practice some meditation.

Dad: Medication?

Me: Meditation.

Dad: Medication?

Me: You better lie there and do nothing, old man. Don’t move. Meditate.

Dad: I always medicate.

…

Dad: If anything’s consistent about Shakespeare, it’s silly fucking plots.

…

As we ate breakfast in a diner:

Dad: (looking through his eyebrows at me) We may have to make several stops after this.

Me: I don’t wanna talk about it.

Dad: OK, I’ll give you the short version. (ad alta voce) IT’S DIURETIC DAY. That’s all I’ll say.

574 thoughts on “They’ll All Cowtow”

  5. Came via xtcian. Laughed out loud at the meditate, continued to chuckle until the DIURETIC which made me completely lose it.

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