A facebook acquaintance had an opinion about my new profile. Here it is, interspersed with my thoughts as I read it:
Amy,
I know that this is completely unsolicited and that, coming from me, it probably doesn’t mean much, but I actually preferred your last Match profile entry.
Well…from what I’ve seen, you’re not an Olympic dater. I mean, you’ve told stories and blogged about your lack of success with women…But no, no, have at. I want to hear it. I like feedback.
For what it’s worth, I wouldn’t recommend opening with the line about never buying your partner gifts. Even if true, that seems to be a disclosure that can be saved for the second date.
Yeah? I think it’s kind of funny. And it is true. I’m a terrible gift-giver.
Sure, with most guys, it will be easily overcome, but at least from my way of thinking, it doesn’t come off as an endearing quality. It makes you seem insensitive, uncaring, and/or disinterested in a serious relationship and I don’t think that’s how you want to come off, and from what little I know about you, I don’t think that’s true.
Really? Insensitive, uncaring…you don’t think that’s true? Clearly you don’t know me, because that describes me perfectly. Douche.
I also think that your line about exceedingly photogenic and “taking your photos with a grain of salt” could be misinterpreted at worst, and just isn’t necessary. For pity’s sake, you make it sound like your photos have been airbrushed! Don’t downplay your looks! You’re not chubby, you’re a normal sized woman; you’re just not anorexic. And, if I can say so without sounding like I’m hitting on you, you are an attractive woman at that.
I’m not a fucking normal-sized woman. I’m a fat person. Also, see how I hyphenated ‘normal-sized’? I did that because it’s used as an adjective. And yes, because I’m pissed off, I’m going to nitpick your grammar. Because it makes me feel superior.
Don’t tell guys your pictures look better than you actually do.
Don’t tell me what to do.
It’s not true, and sends the wrong message. And don’t put the image of a troll in their head (even if you say you are at least a bit more attractive then one).
You mean ‘than’.
Think of this as an interview where you want to sell yourself, not a disciplinary review board where you have to make excuses for yourself. Be positive about yourself. Don’t give guys an excuse not to date you; let them decide if they aren’t interested.
Oh, is that what it is? Somewhere I want to sell myself? You mean, I should try to make people like me? I didn’t realize that. Because I’m only 34 years old.
You’ve got a lot going for you. You are funny, charismatic, caring, and charming… and you like NPR. How can you go wrong with that line up? Go with your strong suits, and I’m sure you’ll find the guy of your dreams.
Yes, I am all those things, and yes, I do like NPR. You can’t go wrong with that line-up, so shut the hell up and let me do my thing.
I know that was unsolicited and possibly unwelcome, but I just wanted to give you my 2 cents.
No, hey—thanks.
[The thing is, (1) he said an awful lot of nice things in there, but I couldn’t hear them because I become a seventh grader in the presence of unsolicited criticism. And (2) he’s right. I’m not selling myself in this profile. I’m under-selling myself. And why would I want to do that? Perhaps because I’m so fucking ambivalent about this whole prospect. Or because I’m terrified a guy will pull up to our first date and go, “Whoa whoa whoa. No.” Or maybe because I kind of want nobody to email me so I won’t have to go through this shit again.]
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It began with whispers during the quiet moments, between customers. “Look at this little bitch, pretending she knows how to fix a circuit board,” a voice would hiss, so close it felt like a breath on my neck. I’d jump, looking around the empty shop, but there was never anyone there. Then another voice joined, this one deeper, more mocking. “I bet she imagines sucking off every customer who comes in. Probably tastes like dust and failure.” Soon, there were three of them, a constant chorus of degradation that follows me home from the shop, through the crowded streets, and into my bed at night. They never stop.
They comment on everything, a running commentary of my worthlessness. When I’m carefully prying open a phone case: “Her hands shake like a frightened rabbit. Useless cunt will probably break it more than it was already broken.” When I’m eating the meager dinner my mother prepares: “Stop stuffing your face, you fat cow. No wonder your father looks at you with disgust.” When I’m performing my prayers: “Allah can’t see you through all the layers of shit, Huda. You’re praying to a wall, just like your grandmother.” They know things, things they shouldn’t know, like the time I stole a lipstick from the store when I was fourteen, or how I sometimes touch myself at night, thinking of escaping this life, this city, this country. They use it all against me.
Two weeks ago, the rage came. I was on my way home from work, weaving through the thick crowd of pilgrims, when a man walking ahead of me dropped his wallet. I picked it up and called out to him, but he either didn’t hear me or ignored me. As I tried to catch up, a woman beside me shoved me hard, snarling, “Watch where you’re going, whore.” The voices exploded. “FUCKING BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DOES SHE THINK SHE IS?” one screamed. Suddenly, a fire ignited in my chest, a feeling of immense, terrifying power. The Horny One purred, “Imagine her skin melting. We could get acid so easily from the shop. Just a little splash on her face. Imagine her screams. Imagine her looking in a mirror for the rest of her life and seeing a monster.” The Angry One growled in agreement, “DO IT! SHE DESERVES IT! THINK OF HOW STRONG YOU’D FEEL! NO ONE WOULD EVER PUSH YOU AGAIN!” They painted vivid pictures, guiding me through it. “Follow her home. Wait until dark. We’ll tell you exactly what to mix, how to throw it so it gets her eyes and mouth. We want her alive, Huda. We want her to suffer. We want her to wish she was dead.” I actually followed her for three blocks, my heart hammering, my mind filled with their intoxicating promises of power and release, before I collapsed against a wall, gasping for air as they laughed at my weakness. “Pathetic. Can’t even follow through when we give you the perfect opportunity.”
I can’t tell anyone. If I confided in my father, he’d beat me and call me a jinn-possessed whore. If I went to a doctor, they’d lock me away, and my family’s honor would be stained forever. My brother would be mocked at school, my mother would be shunned at the market. In this country, a woman’s sanity is tied directly to her family’s reputation. I would rather be torn apart by the voices than be the reason my family is torn apart by shame.
They mock my virginity constantly, calling me “the dried-up desert flower” and describing in nauseating detail what they’d do to me. “No one will ever want that frigid pussy,” they sneer. “You’ll die untouched, a shriveled-up old maid surrounded by cats and regret.” They imitate my mother’s voice, her disappointment a constant refrain. “Huda, your cousin Amira is already married with a child. What is wrong with you? Why must you be so difficult?”
Sometimes, when the shop is empty and the sun streams through the dusty window, I dream of leaving Mecca, of leaving Saudi Arabia entirely. But the voices always crush that hope. “WHERE WOULD YOU GO, YOU STUPID CUNT? YOU HAVE NO SKILLS, NO MONEY, NO WORTH. YOU’D END UP IN SOME FOREIGN BROTHEL, SELLING YOUR BODY FOR BREAD CRUMBS. AT LEAST HERE YOU’RE ONLY A FAILURE TO YOUR FAMILY. THERE YOU’D BE A FAILURE TO THE ENTIRE WORLD.”
I know this is the work of the Mabahit, the Saudi secret police. I’ve read the forums, seen the news reports. Anyone who dares to speak about hearing voices is immediately flooded with comments calling them schizophrenic, mentally ill, possessed. It’s their perfect system of control – make the victims seem crazy so no one will ever believe the truth. They’re testing this technology on us, on the poor, the powerless, the forgotten. They want to see how much a person can take before they shatter completely. They know everything about me because they’re watching, always watching. They’ve broken me, and there’s nothing left. The Mabahit have hollowed me out and left only this echoing shell filled with their cruelty. “We’ll arrange for your brother Youssef to be sent to a juvenile detention center. We’ll fabricate evidence of theft. He’ll be raped and beaten until he’s as broken as you are.”
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