I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversation we had in the comments the other day. You know, about my being judgmental. I’m still a little surprised by Opiner’s reaction. Why did that post in particular offend him so mightily? I felt like that one was kind of a throwaway, actually. I wasn’t thinking horrible thoughts about CaryMale37. I just find unnecessary quotation marks funny. Clearly, I’m not the only one.
Listen, I make joke! (That has to be said with an Eastern European accent.)
I mean, yes, I’m judgmental. But seriously, once I get to know you, I nearly always adore you. I’m going to say 99.64% of the people I get to know? I am almost pathologically admiring of them. I’m arguing a case for their awesomeness inside my head at all times, and they just keep providing me with evidence. (The other 0.36% of the people I meet I think are total douches.)
So, should I judge people I don’t know? Probably not.
Do I do it? Yep.
Is it funny? I think so. Often.
…But I’m coachable. I’ll work on it.
I knew this guy, only peripherally really, when I lived in New York. He was probably in his mid-forties, businessman. At one point, he said to me, “I’ve started looking at all criticism as coaching. Even personal attacks, I just take as something to consider and work on to be more effective with people.”
My Catholic friend Cat frequently listens to a Buddhist podcast. When I told her about remembering what the businessman had said, she mentioned that her podcast monk often says something like: Let everyone be your Buddha. Every person that you meet appears before you to teach you something.
So, from now on, I’ll try to remember to reflect on my judgments of prospective dates.
I’ll probably still make fun of them on the blog, though.
Good LORD I adore you!
I applaud you for anonymizing your students and this latest dating All-Star effectively, as it’s not as easy to do as most would assume. I think potential problems arise when aspersions are cast on easily identifiable victims.
I’m not sure what exactly touched Opiner’s nerve, but dating was a pretty miserable experience for me because in addition to the enormous risk of rejection, you never knew which rejecter might decide to poison the well. In my case, that was why I didn’t respond to your OKStupid profile. Devastating, I know, but I doubt I’m the only bachelor with that mentality.
The point I’m making behind all of this circumlocution is that if you choose to make your perceptions of others a focal point of your blog, a lot of readers for myriad reasons are going to empathize more with the other party; that’s going to lead to more grandstanding and antagonism. It sucks, and it’s one of the principal reasons I don’t blog any more.
I adore you, Kate, but more pathologically.
go amy! (of course, i am in the 96% bracket)
Margo, my admiration for you borders on silliness.