Better Coffee Rockefeller’s Money Can’t Buy

I’m so tired. So, so tired. Like, same kind of tired as back when I mainlined glutenCould I be making a baby? How early in a pregnancy is the begone-with-ye-I-must-sleep-for-a-fortnight feeling?

Come to think of it, glutenday got away from me a bit this week—I’ve had bread several days in a row. :/ Maybe that’s why I’m draggin ass?

…Though it could be because my jerk-brain’s been rattling me conscious at 4:30am lately.

…But it might be that I put the kibosh on caffeine the day of my insemination.

…Or maybe… maybe my body’s exhausted from growing a baby. I don’t want to count any chickens though! (One… two… threefourfivesixseveneight.)


How long does it take to detox from caffeine? I’m dying. I’m dead. Put me in the ground so I don’t stink up the joint.

Would it be so bad? Just a little bit? I spend the afternoon googling. From

caffeine & pregnancy

When I tell a friend at the gym about this dilemma, she mentions “the NASA study with the spiders”. What?

I go home and look it up:

spiders on drugs

Mother of! I’d be better off toking.

I decide to suffer through my fatigue. Woe.


My resolve lasts 12 hours. Jerk-brain has roused me once again several hours before my already-obscene wakeup time, and I just can’t. just can’t. just can’t face the idea of molding the minds of 110 twelve-year-olds in the state I’m in. I make 3/4 decaf and just 1/4 caf, and tra la la, tra la la, and a heidy heidy ho! I feel like a million bucks!

Wait. Does that mean it was caffeine-withdrawal and not baby-growing? Now I feel like two bucks. A two-dollar bill. Queer and not that useful.


Everyone keeps asking, “So?”

I don’t know yet. Not-as-nice nurse said to wait ’til Day 12 and, if I don’t get my period, to pee on a stick.

It’s Day 8.

Come on—BE DAY 12, BE DAY 12, BE DAY 12.

7 thoughts on “Better Coffee Rockefeller’s Money Can’t Buy”

  1. Fingers crossed for you! And don’t kill yourself about cutting out coffee entirely. I’m four months pregnant and just couldn’t bring myself to entirely give up coffee. Holy withdrawal headaches. So I went from probably six+ cups a day to one and sometimes supplement with decaf (blech) and black tea. I’ve learned that a LOT of the prohibitions shoved onto pregnant women are not really supported by solid science, almost every study is contradicted by some other study, and just going with moderation seems to be working.

  2. Just be glad we’re not back in the days when pregnancy testing involved killing the rabbit and took forfreakinever. (See recent Downton Abbey episode involving Lady Edith’s test.)

  3. I’ve had 3 kids, and with me mind-numbing exhaustion shows up a couple days before a positive pregnancy test. Hope that’s the case for you. :)

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