When I told my friend Meg about the challenge of choosing sperm without a partner, she said, “Why don’t you get a group of your friends together to help you?”
“Like a committee?!” I said.
“…Sure, like a committee.”
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APPLICATION FOR BABY BRUXIST SPOOJ-SELECTION COMMITTEE
1. Legal name, or roller derby name, or Carlos Danger name, or whatever:
2. Qualifications:
3. Special skills [do not need to be jizz-related—I’m just curious]:
4. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? [Answering Y will not count against you. This application is also a pre-screen for the Labor Committee, and I’m gonna need people with good stories in the delivery room.] Y/N
If Y, please provide details in bullet point format.
5. In 500 words or fewer, or more, whatever, explain why would you like to be on the committee to choose the other half of Baby Bruxist’s DNA:
__________________________________________________
Compensation for participation:
*Or maybe a hug and a beer.
I think the baby daddy should look like Bradley Cooper. Done. No committee needed.
What a time-saver!
Hi, I’m applying for the position of friend for Avid B. I have recently learned a bit about birth, labor and delivery, and have experience consulting (spouting my opinions) about sperm donors. While, I am opinionated, I feel I bring a broad minded perspective on reproductive partnering. I am fond of a quirky beauty, and would hope to help identify qualities in personality, family health, and physical traits that would be complimentary to Avid B’s own genetics. I will not be offended at all, if I am not chosen for the committee, but I sure hope to be a supportive ear if/when you need one – and should you want to pour over profiles, or consult, I’d be happy to do that too. Best of luck.
Application accepted!
me! me! me! i want to be on the committee. 2 m’s? 2 t’s? 2 e’s? maybe i’m not smart enough for the (let me check to see how you spelled it) (scrolling up) COMMITTEE! I WAS RIGHT! I AM SMART ENOUGH!
right?
RIGHT. And your application has been accepted.
i dont know how i missed this call for applications but i would like to nominate myself and dan miller. dan miller may be better at this than i am. he has a proven track record for excellent guy-related advice. so if you have to choose one miller/mueller, maybe choose dan. if you have space for two miller/muellers, i can offer alternative perspectives from the lady place. which sounds dirty but i know you know what i mean. which is also why i might be a good member of this team. long distance.