Motion to Disqualify the Iggy Pop Look-Alike Whose Paternal Grandmother Had Polydactylism

When I told my friend Meg about the challenge of choosing sperm without a partner, she said, “Why don’t you get a group of your friends together to help you?”

“Like a committee?!” I said.

“…Sure, like a committee.”

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APPLICATION FOR BABY BRUXIST SPOOJ-SELECTION COMMITTEE

1. Legal name, or roller derby name, or Carlos Danger name, or whatever:

2. Qualifications:

3. Special skills [do not need to be jizz-related—I’m just curious]:

4. Have you ever been convicted of a crime? [Answering Y will not count against you. This application is also a pre-screen for the Labor Committee, and I’m gonna need people with good stories in the delivery room.] Y/N

If Y, please provide details in bullet point format.

5. In 500 words or fewer, or more, whatever, explain why would you like to be on the committee to choose the other half of Baby Bruxist’s DNA:

__________________________________________________

Compensation for participation:

Gwyneth Paltrow sperm necklace
This diamond sperm necklace* worn by Gwyneth Paltrow.

*Or maybe a hug and a beer.

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