In the past, I’ve set the bar low, or as my friend Dan says, “created winnable games”, but I’m going to challenge myself a little bit this year.
1. I will dress better. A few days ago, as I “dressed up” by taking off my navy blue hoodie with paint on it and put on my navy blue hoodie without paint on it, I realized, this has to stop. But it means I’ll have to…go…shopping…I can’t feel my legs…(breathes into paper bag). How am I going to accomplish this resolution when just thinking of trying on clothes sends me into paroxysms? Help, girlfriends. Maybe a standing monthly shopping date?
2. I will continue to floss 2-3 times a week in my car at red lights. I would resolve to floss daily, but after about 18 years of that resolution, it’s smelling a little gamey, and a few times a week is better than nothing. This is not setting the bar low; it’s just knowing thyself. Myself. Thmyself.
3. I will not engage in political or religious debate on Facebook. It makes me not like people who, in person, I really like, and I’m certain the feeling is mutual.
4. I will make my bed. Life just seems more orderly when my bed is made. To make this easier on thmyself, I turned my bed around, set it at an angle for minimum bed-making gymnastic maneuvering, and bought one of those bed-in-a-bag sets from Bed, Bath, & Beyond. It was $180, marked down to $99, and I had a 20% off coupon, so for 80 bucks, I got a TOTALLY CRAPPY OPPOSITE-OF-FLAME-RETARDANT bed set. Seriously, it might spontaneously combust. It had those anti-theft things on it in the store, so I couldn’t open it and feel how polyester it was. And then, by the time I got it home, I was committed. Anyway, I basically just have to pull up the comforter to make my bed, and that’ll be easy. The 59 decorative kindling pillows that came with it might have to go in a closet.
5. I will reduce my intake of refined sugar. Oh, Jesus. This one makes me jitterier than clothes shopping. Here’s my plan. I can have sugar (and by that, I mean dessert items—I’m not talking about the quarter-teaspoon of sugar I have in my coffee; that stays) after 7:00pm on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. That might seem like a lot to you, but it’s about four days a week fewer than my current intake. We’ll see how this goes. I have no faith in myself on this one.
6. I will talk to myself like I talk to my dogs. Less: “You’re a silly monkey” and “Are you one of the two best dogs in the world?” More: “You’re cute, sweet, friendly, capable, smart, personable, honest, and caring, with leadership qualities.”
7. I will get into a romantic relationship. Jitteriest! How will I do this? I will go on dates. At least one first date a month (unless I find him before December, which will void this contract). That will be twelve possible matches. I’m going to work the Law of Averages.
So. What are your’n?
I don’t think 7 and 4 will work well with each other..
Sure. We’ll just do it on the kitchen floor.
I’ll do #5 with you.
Who’s a good Amy? Who’s the best Amy? YOU are! Yes you are! Yes you are! Tummy rubs!
;-)
Erika, don’t be fooled; Dan’s just trying to cop a feel.
put me down for #1…I also need to work on my fashion sense.
I totally support #3. I hate when people do that. it makes me hate both people equally.
I’ve been working on #4. i’m not very good at it. I average about 3-4 days a week…and really all I do is half way pull the comforter up.
I have total faith in you for #5…you have my digits, use me as a help line…i’m really good at talking people out of doing things…i think i should have been a hostage negotiator.
AND, I’m totally with you on #7! more dates! I’m trying to be better about letting people fix me up. I used to always say no. Now I’m trying to learn to say ok. (speaking of first dates…how’d it go today?)
also, I am challenging myself to have more social gatherings at my house. Hostessing freaks me the eff out. Total jitteriness. But I have a good house for entertaining now so i’m gonna do it. I need to open myself up more.
I bought dried figs at Trader Joe’s, Anna! I’ma try ’em again.
And I call bullshit on your needing to work on #1.
way to go on the figs! now i want some and i don’t have any. great. also, seriously, have you seen me try to dress myself. it’s sad.
re: #1 . . . i hope you’re not referring to your blingy carolina hoodie. because that has GOT to stay in the rotation. the world needs more amys wearing blingy carolina hoodies.
re: #6 . . . i’ve actually said this out loud to myself before. barley loves me, therefore i should love myself. thmyself.
Yes, that hoodie. I know it’s awesome, but I wear it, like, every day.
I love thyourself.
DUDE. if you want help on #1, let me know. i live for that shit. it will help me on one of my resolutions, which is “hang out with ridiculously awesome people more often.”
K, YES!
re: #5 … although i don’t do resolutions, i am trying to eat more fruit – which have natural sugar, as i’m sure you know. since i can’t eat up the fresh fruit i buy with the best of intentions before it’s time to add them to my lazy-woman-compost-pile in the bamboo hidden from the neighbors, i’m working w/ frozen fruits: blueberries (not a hard one for me – i like eating them on top of cereal/in oatmeal sweetened with honey), cherries, mango, bananas, and peaches. i was surprised to find that the thawed frozen cherries were just as delightful to me as cherry pie, given how most cherry pie isn’t done w/ homemade crust anymore and frozen store-bought crust just sucks. so, what i’m trying to say is that you could try them as a guilt-free dessert, and kill two birds with one stone. mango is so-so. i use the bananas for smoothies. my fave “fruit smoothie,” of course, is made with peanut butter and skim milk – the banana being the only thing that qualifies it for barely being a “fruit smoothie.” i haven’t yet tried the peaches but hope they’ll pan out like the cherries. you know, whatevs.
I will try frozen fruit. I just bought a metric ton of dried fruit at Trader Joe’s. I’m going to be crapping nonstop.
You need at least ten of these…what are the other three? Like the semi-universal decimal system. Then you can have the old NASA countdown, eliminate them all and get on with your life (and go back to work!) HNY2U
PS Nice fire pit!