I’m so glad we all had this little talk.
Here are my conclusions, and then we’re going to be done with it. Because I am the Great and Powerful Avid Bruxist and I can decide that.
- “You guys are making me out to be a lot more important than I really am. Likewise, I don’t think my last comment was important enough to ascribe any real intent to it…” Marty, my intention was never to make you important. My assessment of you is intelligent, well-written, sometimes funny, sometimes inappropriate, and a mite pretentious. But not important. To me. My intention with writing about this was to explore why I felt the way I did and discuss the boundaries and norms of blogging, commenting, editing, and blocking, which is exactly what I did.
- “…it isn’t as though I was fishing for guffaws.” Oh, Marty, but you were.
- “But as a fourth grade teacher, shouldn’t you know that the best response is none at all? It’s pretty obvious (to me at least) that I’m just trolling for attention.” I don’t know if it was obvious to you, until it was put in your face. And no, in my eight years of experience in the classroom, more often than not, I’ve found that shit about ignoring the bad behavior doesn’t work. What does work is talking directly to the kid, bringing the behavior to his attention, exploring with him why he’s acting this way, asking him directly to stop, and reinforcing the change in some way.
- “…and then you’d terminate me while averting any crisis of conscience (also silly, IMO) as a blog admin.” My boyfriend also mentioned my “crisis of conscience”. I wasn’t having a crisis of conscience, silly or otherwise. I wouldn’t feel guilt in deleting your comments and/or blocking you. But I do think that’s censorship. For me, this was an intellectual question.
So here’s what’s what: I spoke directly to you, I brought the behavior to your attention, I explored with you your motives, and now I’m asking you directly to stop. Not to stop reading or commenting, but stop being disgusting.
And that’s hard for me to say, because it brings up a lot of questions. Where’s the line you must not cross? Have I crossed it myself? And why do I get to be the arbiter?
The answers: Who knows? Yes, probably. And because I’m the GPAB.
Ready for your reinforcer?
…
Nah. Whatever.
As always I completely agree with you – but I would like to point out a particular distinction between what you’ve been contemplating and “censorship.”
This is your blog. It’s not censorship when you attempt to enforce acceptable behavior and discourage unacceptable behavior on your blog, it’s just decorum.
ah, yes, dan, but amy and decorum always seem an odd match to me. maybe because i met her as a 14 year old, husking corn and shelling beans for me.
amy, your emotional range and intellect continue to astound me.
Good point, Dan. And, yes, Margo, that’s why I’ve had such a hard time with all this–because, as you WELL know, I’m not the Queen of Decorum!
P.S. I’m so glad to hear I have emotional range and intellect! Sometimes I wonder about myself.
I’m a little late to the party here but:
For starters I don’t think Marty’s original comments were all that outrageous. And his subsequent reponse was articulate, self-aware and squeekly clean. I’m a little surprised that “the line” is getting drawn anywhere near here.
Amy you have friends who clearly would lay down in front of traffic for you, which is wonderful. But given the emotional boldness of what you put out here, do you really want only responses that make you comfortable?
You’re so right in so many ways, Rachel. If my friend Sean had made a crack about ejaculating in a ziploc (and, honest, he’s said a million things just like it), I would’ve laughed.
I guess the thing is this: Marty saw my profile on Match or OKCupid, did some recon, and has been commenting on this site ever since. I’ve never met the guy, never seen the guy; I don’t even know his real name.
I think, and I’m just figuring this out now, I was feeling a little creeped out by that.
I *do* want to hear everyone’s comments. In fact, I think I said in one of the posts that commenters have every right in the world to make me uncomfortable. I also said that Marty was intelligent, well-written, and sometimes funny.
I’m really, really glad this happened. I’ve learned so much.
I just think jizz in a bag from a guy who—let’s be honest—kind of cyber-stalked me, when nobody else was saying anything of the sort…well, that’s my line. For now.
(You, on the other hand, Rach, you can say whatever the fuck you want.)