Retrobruxist Friday 11/30/12, or Everything Something Nobody

Hey, visually-oriented Bruxistists, what do you think about the link color? I tried purple, but it didn’t pop. My graphic designer suggested hot pink, but it looked a little too Miami Vice for me. Burnt orange? Does it go with the other colors? If not, what does?

The Mexican braised beef that I cooked(!) is delicioso. I’m eating it in lettuce wraps with radishes and cilantro. The only sad thing is there’s all this nom-nom sauce left over, and it’s begging for a big hunk of bread to sop it up. Drinking it would be frowned-upon, right?

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I missed 12% by six-thousandths of a point three years ago. Got it a year later, but what a crock. Getting my National Boards didn’t make me a better teacher. You know what has made me a better teacher? (1) Wanting to become a better teacher, and (2) working with good people who also want to become better teachers. That’s it.

Now I feel kind of trapped by the 12% (#FWP). I can’t move out of my Middle Child Generalist certification area (3rd-6th grades) and keep the salary bump. And I don’t know if I really want to teach Middle Children anymore. Middle Earth Children would be fun.

Adorbz.

I’m certified to teach high school English, but 12%! Ducks, but water. Wah, wah, wah.

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About three times a month, somebody tells me I’ve lost weight, like they did two years ago. And five, ten, and twenty years ago. Now I just say, “Huh. I wouldn’t know. I don’t weigh myself.” They usually try to reassure me that their assessment is correct. Then I just look at them and shrug and look baffled. Then they awkwardly walk away. It’s fun.

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A year ago, I participated in a CrossFit competition against my cousin. Except that the whole thing happened inside my skull because I’m very crazy. She posted on Facebook recently that she’d gotten her first muscle-up…

Yeah. I’m not ever, ever, ever, ever going to be able to do a muscle-up.

And I’m actually OK with that. I was telling a friend recently that I grew up feeling inferior because my elder siblings were smarter than I was. After therapy and transformational seminars and inspirational quote-of-the-day calendars, I decided that was untrue! I had made it up! Empowerment!!1!

But later, I realized, it is true, and that’s OK.

Because the fact is I’m smart enough AND — they’d tell you this too — neither of my siblings could/would get up and host the Monti StorySLAM, and I can/do. I’d love to be intellectually brilliant like my brother and sister, but I have other talents. So it is with my cousin. Nobody’s good at everything, but everybody’s good at something. Or as my buddy Phil said recently, everything something nobody.

OK me, fine also you, both.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

Oops! Belated Retrobruxist Friday 11/23/12

Holiday schedule! Totally forgot Retrobruxist Friday!

Three years ago, I wrote about the day I earned my freedom. I was just yesterday saying to somebody that, as much as I would like a partner and a family, I realize that going out to Geer Street Garden with my friends on a Wednesday evening — that’s what says freedom to me these days — is a function of being single and childless, and I do appreciate it.

I had one of my rare sex dreams two years ago. <shudder> <not in a good way>

A year ago, I told a parable. You should read it, for learning. But also for the comments afterward which were really funny.

ALSO, I started a tumblr because I know you were dying to know what things on the internet are good.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday (two days late), y’all.

 

Crikey! I Almost Forgot Retrobruxist Friday 11/9/12

Note: For Avid Bruxistists who are resistant to change, I’m giving you a heads-up that this blog will be getting a makeover in the next week or two. Go ahead and do your pre-coping now.

This week in 2009, I got a phone call at in the middle of the night, and I was awake to take it! And it was for the best reason!

(Three years later, and no signs of slowing down. Pretty proud of myself.)

Two years ago, I wrote about a very special date. You remember it. It was very special.

I voted the crap out of this election, but a year ago, I elected to do something else on election day. Something real dumb. I got calls from a producer a few times after that, but I always dodged them. Here’s to making better choices this election cycle.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

Retrobruxist Friday 10/26/12

Hey, guess what! I have some kind of ragey infection in my EYEBALL! The opthalmalogist took fancy pictures of my splotchy cornea yesterday. As an aside, amongst the things you never want to hear at a doctor’s office: “I think it’s really good you came in today.” Also: “I don’t think it’ll affect your vision.”

Anyway, I get to put steroid/antiobiotic drops in my eyes four times a day for ten days. As an aside, I’m pathologically incapable of landing a drop in my eye. My flinch response is like a thunderbolt. So, essentially, I spent $25 at CVS on cheek/eyebrow/mouth drops.

I didn’t ask my eye-guy if I should forego tomorrow’s Tough Mudder, Redux, because I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have liked his answer. As an aside, almost-certain death tomorrow, you guys!

Three years ago, a guy tried his hand at negging me. Suck it, guy.

Two years ago — miracle of miracles — I found a dude on eGoddamnHarmony that I actually liked. (Never blogged about it, but I did email him. He didn’t respond. <sniff>)

And a year ago, with just a few simple guidelines, I was riling up the segment of the CrossFit community that either (a) couldn’t read; (b) didn’t get my sense of humor; or (c) both.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.