Category: Learnin’ ‘Em Kids

I teach. Most of these posts are password-protected.

I Have a Box of Stuff

My students* are hilarious and inspiring, and sometimes heartbreaking. As usual, I asked them to write get-to-know-you letters. Here are my favorite excerpts [comments in brackets are mine]:

the reason I like dancing is because you can just have fun be calm and relax, But in a swaying way

I want to be a 2nd grade teacher because I want babies but I want the kids to know what they are doing. It has to be a school that give me the money. If my teacher carreer doesn’t work out then I want to be a singer like Beyonce. [Wait, there are schools that will give me the money?!]

My name is Pablo, I knew how to create stuff in my mind [But he forgot.]

My baby sister is like me because she has eczema.

I love to spend time with my family and friends and my Pet’s (Genuine pigs) Thunder, Thunder Jr and lightning. [GENUINE PIGS.]

[At the end of her letter] Well that is me so DEAL WITH IT! (LOL just kidding)

After school I liked to Play football with my friend. I was the theird strongest player in the game. We a Person tries to takle me I keep walking intel I get to the end of the feild. [Best part is this was a girl.]

My hopes and dreams are to be a Pro football player. I also want to play defense of end.

In my dreams Im rich I have all the money In the world but when I try to spend it turn into meat. [Uh. I’m guessing this is less ‘hopes’ and more ‘dreams’. ]

I have only 5 boys in my family, not including me. Let me tell you a secret. Boys couldn’t survive without girls!

[This student disagrees with the previous one.] Other things I did this summer are that I played basketball and just enjoyed myself. Just laying back in the sun nothing else to do. Really when you live with girls is time to get away. You always get hit. You always get scratched.

My dad is 40. My mom says she is 29.

I also have antique baseball cards from maybe the 70’s or 90’s.

My family is a little odd, espicially my extended family. One of my relatives is a drug dealer. My brother is also crazy. My mom says we don’t need a dog because we have [my brother]. My dad grew up in a disfuntional family. He ended up fine, though.

I worry a lot so I go to a worry doctor. [:(]

Hello my name is Marius Carson and I have terrible hand writing. [His letter was typed.]

I have a box of stuff.

The morning routin I have is to think to myself how I think my day will go, and always smile to a mirror so I can see what a wonderful kid I am. [His morning routine is better than mine.]

I was in florida for one week. It was amazing how many people can fit in one car.

Dear Ms. Scott you will like me because I am ready for anything.

Well I’m a kid thats nice but at home Im not I don’t listen to my parents

My name is Jonathan Wu, and I don’t think I have anything else to say in the first sentence, which should tell you something. [Whoa. Deep.]

When im dead I want people to say they want to be like me. [Me too, buddy. Me too.]

*Names changed, as always.

30 Days

I’ve been attempting to focus on the abundance in my life, rather than participating my usual Trance of Scarcity. The meditation (see Day 25) definitely helps, but I also thought I’d tweet one of those annoying 30 Days of Thankfulness things, except try to make it not-annoying.

The most difficult part was not coming up with things for which I felt grateful—I got plenty. The most difficult part was staying within 140 characters. You know how I like to babble on. The teacher of a writing workshop I took last year said, “You’ve got 25-30% too much fat.”

I was like, “DON’T I KNOW IT. Wait, you mean my writing?” He was right. I need to trim it down…

Arg! If I wanted to go on a word diet, I would’ve been a poet!

But I did it for thirty days. (NB: The following is not poetry. It’s just skinny prose.)

That 4-year-old, man. She’s dramatic and sassy, she wants what she wants, and she’s in the 8th percentile for height. In other words, she’s me. Hahaha. No, she’s not. She’s her. She’s her own person. But kind of me. I yub her.

This girl. She does something to my heart.
This girl. She does something to my heart.

This goes for both my parents. My parents showed the fuck up.

I’m still bad at crying (i.e., I need to do more of it and less eating/checking Facebook/self-flagellation/etc.), but I have good role models (namely, Cat, EJ, and Melissa).

(Typo: That was supposed to be Day 13.)

When the doc actually felt it, she goes—I shit you not, “Yeah, you got a lot of lumps and bumps, and this one doesn’t feel any different from the other ones.” :/

Also, if they do hate me as a result, that’s their own goddamn problem.

It’s a good job. I just wish I got paid more and didn’t have to deal with so much bullshit. I guess that’s everybody, right? Except I really should get paid more.

Every so often I consider it, dry-heave, and un-consider it.

I’m hosting the StorySLAM on December 11, folks! Come on out!

So, in today’s ironic news, when I need to unplug, I use an iPhone app. It’s called Get Some Headspace, and I highly recommend it. The dude who leads the meditation is a former Buddhist monk, and he sounds a tiny bit like the Geico Gecko so everybody wins.

Terrified of jinxing it, but there’s an amazing woman who has created a passion project, and we met, and it was awesome, and she’s invited me to be part of her team, and I hope I can keep up.

I watched 5 episodes of Game of Thrones in the middle of the day yesterday, true story.

As you can see, I’m thankful for a lot of things, including those of you who’re reading. Happy rest-of-your-holidays!

Signed,

Lumpytits

Because You Come Here for the Lawn Mower Stories

Story #1:

The kids and I were talking about conflict and how it shows up in literature, Character vs. Character, or Character vs. Self, occasionally Character vs. Society, and sometimes Character vs. Nature. We’d get that last one in a lot of adventure stories, we figured out, and often it was a matter of the character’s survival.

I tossed out how most of us have conflict with nature at times, just not usually for survival, usually just because it gets in the way of what we want to do. I mentioned how I’d wanted to mow the lawn the day before but it had started raining so I was out of luck.

Boy: Wait. Why were you gonna mow the lawn?

Me: Because the grass was getting long.

Boy: But why were you gonna mow it?

Me: …Because it’s my lawn. Who else is gonna mow it?

Boy: That’s not normal.

Me: I mow my lawn every week. I’d say that’s pretty normal for me.

Girl: What he means is, you’re a girl.

Me: Well, I’m a woman, but so what? There’s no man around at my house, but even if there was, I have two arms that work and two legs that work. I own that house and that yard and that lawn mower. I like the way it looks when I finish and the smell of cut grass in the air. Why wouldn’t I mow my own lawn?

Boy: (agape)

Amy Scott, blowing up gender paradigms for kids since 2002.

Story #2:

I finally got around to taking a whack at the lawn on Sunday. A neighbor I’d never seen nor spoken to approached, stopped, and waved. I killed the engine and said hey.

Guy: I’m coming over to ask the question we all been wanting to know.

Me: Yeah, what’s that?

Guy: Why are you not married?

Me: I guess I haven’t found him yet.

Guy: Second question, do you date black boys?*

Me: If I like him enough, I’ll date anybody.

Guy: So when are we going to lunch?

So,

(a) I hate that African-American people in this day and age still feel like they need to ask *this question, and I hate even more that some people would say no;

(b) I need to take some improv classes because I had nothing. I think I said, “Psh. Let me get back to this yard”; and

(c) Dan NJ, Kate K., all-a-yous, I believe you now. I am clearly goddamn irresistible when I mow the lawn.

I’d Like to Get to Know You Well

From the kids’ get-to-know-you letters:

Recently I have held a hamster and it has vibrated in my lap. It vibrated because it was scared of all the people.

*****

Sadly I’m not the only child.

*****

Hye my name is Tayvar I was born in 2002 not that far from the years. So my family is always respecting me as a child. I really love my family, right now. But this Saturday im going to the beach with my family.

*****

I also want to own 3 dogs, mostly because I want a dog.

*****

Another hobby of mine is playing basketball. I am good at it unless I try to play against someone who was taller or faster than me. […] Another job I would like to do is be in the branch of the government that prints money.

*****

What my hopes and Dreams are that i can go to harverd and to Be a Taxidermist or a artist

*****

At Niagara Falls I got to see a 3D-4D movie that was lame and you could tell that it was made in the 80’s.

*****

The only thing I collect is money lots and lots of money.

*****

my mom is a nice stilish women that is very smart and she was in the magna cum laude. I as in me frances am fun smart and I do silly things and I don’t tell secrets.

*****

I have a brother named Raymond, I dont like hem.

*****

I’m afraid of heights, which I use for entertainment on staircases. I also have a very sensetive upper arm and unbent knees.

*****

Have you played a sport before? If you have, I would personally like to know what sport it is. I hope it is football or basketball. If it’s not, that is ok.

*****

I want you to know your the best language art teacher ever. I know we going to have fun memories in your class. I want you to know I have to use the bathroom almost every 45 min.

*****

I have 2 other brothers and 5 other sisters. I have 3 other brothers and sister. I have 1 older brother and 1 younger brother. I have 1 older sister and 4 younger sisters.

*****

When I grow up I want to become a zoologist or a vet but do it with farm animals. In the future I wish to invent something and run for president and get in the top two but not win.

*****

So now I’ll dive into my life story. I was born in duke hospital in 2002. I was admired by tons of people. The local time when my mom was given the “ it’s out “ signal was 2:40 PM.

*****

you’re turly
[signature]

*****

P.S. I ABSALLLLLLUtULY LOVE Art

Retrobruxist Friday 6/whatdayisit?/2013

I was driving along this afternoon with all the windows down—yesterday’s squall having blown the heat and humidity elsewhere, thank god—listening to Top 40 radio, and I realized

Life is so, so good

Of course, all it took was trying on two sports bras to crush my soul.

You take the good, you take the bad, I guess.

Three years ago, I learned when puberty begins.

Two years ago, I altered my to-do list, and good things happened. Well, one good thing happened.

Last year this time, I learned whether my dogs were good guard dogs.

What you may have missed on Fat CrossFitter: I did the Filthy Fifty for the third time, and I’m genuinely scared/have a very first-world problem.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

Retrobruxist Friday 5/24/13, or I Am Rad

June 5. That’s when I cancel my Match subscription. Twelve more days.

The only reason I’m keeping my nose above water is my friends. My friends are pretty great.

Not Scary Spice

He added, “We are all rooting SO HARD for you.” And I know they are.

Dan NJ wrote: Since it’s been at least a month since I said so- can I remind you of the Avogadro’s number of awesome particles that make up, and emanate from, you?  These particular elements represent a periodic table of Amy’s awesomeness, and are subdivided into categories such as brilliance, loveliness, kick-assedness, nice-assedness, and noble gases.  (The last one is pure speculation on my part…)

And a little faerie (possibly named Megalu) writes pro-me statements on the sticky notes on my desk every time she comes over, which I find later and stick to my computer monitor.

IMG_5456

IMG_5455

 

And all these words of encouragement serve to remind me that, no matter what happens in my love life, I most definitely have love in my life. Thank you, friends, and I love you all.

**********

Three years ago, I cheered you up with some stellar knock-knock jokes.

Some people love my teaching stories; others enjoy the tragically delicious dating stuff. But there are those who just really revel in the fact that I’m, to quote a friend, “bad at lawnmowers”, e.g. this post from two years ago.

You know how Google’s informal motto is “Don’t be evil”. I wish that sentiment could be codified into all companies’ bylaws. Alas, as I mentioned a year ago, insurance companies are nothing but dens of thieves.

What you may have missed on Fat CrossFitter: Who gets to define my fatness, and my two cents on the problem with progress.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

 

This Post Is Not Really About Teaching; It’s About My Usual Shit

In my professional life, I’m graded on a rubric. Did you know that? There are six standards upon which teachers are evaluated, and for each we are deemed Developing, Proficient, Accomplished, or Distinguished.

A couple weeks ago, I was out with some friends, one of whom is also a teacher, and we got to talking about the rubric. For shits and giggles, I suggested we use it to rate ourselves in other aspects of our lives.

Honestly, I can’t remember much—we were a couple cocktails in—except that Meg rated herself Distinguished in both Being Alone and Handling Her Shit (a super-accurate self-assessment), but I’ve been thinking about it lately, and here’s my self-evaluation.

Developing

1. Dressing myself. I still don’t know what looks good, what to buy, or how to put it together. It takes a ton of emotional effort for me to dress up. All I want to wear is jeans, my Obama hoodie, and

these guys.
these guys.

But I’m getting better. I wore skinny jeans, for Christ’s sake.

2. Dating/being in a relationship. You know how everybody’s always like, “Gahd, another Taylor Swift break-up song?! When is she gonna realize that the only constant in all these situations is her?”?

Yeah, I realize it’s me. I do. I’ve done a lot of work and put myself out there, but clearly I need more practice/support/guidance.

To that end, two things:

(1) In a maneuver I’m calling Amy’s Last-Ditch Campaign to Get Inseminated by a Dude She’d Like to Chill with for Awhile/Maybe Forever (ALDCGIDSLCAMF, for short), I joined Match Fucking Dot Com. For one month. ONE MONTH, and end scene—I shall forever abandon my Sisyphean online dating endeavors.

And (2) to quote Homeland Security: If You See Something, Say Something™. Friends, you have to tell me when you see the metaphorical spinach in my teeth, OK? If there’s some invisible-to-myself road block I’m throwing up, let your girl know. For real.

Proficient

1. You know, as recently as a few months ago, I would’ve put cooking in the Developing category, but I’ve had some pretty consistent victories lately. ‘Member those carnitas? <licks chops>

Also, I marinated chicken. (Me, out on the town with friends: “You guys, I’m marinating chicken right now.” Friend: (pause) “Is it… is it in the fridge?” Hahaha. I couldn’t blame her for checking—I’ve made some questionable judgment calls in the past.)

I made Chinese chicken salad with it.

There's chicken in there, swear to god.
There’s marinated chicken up in there somewhere, swear to god.

That sludgy business in the jelly jar? Homemade sesame-ginger motherfucking salad dressing. Booyah.

I mean, every once in a while, mistakes are made.

Nothing Like Bacon

In hindsight, there were a number of points at which a different decision could have rendered a more desirable outcome.

But for the most part, I’m feeding myself yummy, healthy things, so I’m gonna go ahead and declare myself Proficient in the cooking department.

Hubris? Probably.

2. CrossFit. Listen, I’m never going to be competitive. That’s OK. But I’ve been lifting heavy objects for nearly three years, and I’ve got pretty skrong, y’all (265-lb deadlift last night—what what!). And my form on most things is solid. Coach Rich watched me doing snatches the other day, and he said, “God, you’re so good at that.” :)

3. Storytelling/hosting storytelling events. If you’ve seen me at the Monti, I think you’d agree I’m getting better and better.

Accomplished

1. Teaching. I’m a good teacher. I’m not an exceptional teacher. I don’t take work home with me, and I don’t blaze any pedagogical trails, but I try to do cool things with my students, and I work hard to improve my practice every year.

2. Fostering dogs/getting them adopted. Git yer dogs here at Amy’s House o’ Pit Bulls!

3. Blogging. I have a readership. It’s small but, based on a pie chart I only sort of understand, I believe very loyal. (Thanks, guys!)

Distinguished

1. Jackshit.

Except one thing that I won’t share here because this is a family show. ;)

**********

Now you go. Don’t be shy. This is not about judgment. It’s about personal growth.

Retrovloggy Friday 5/3/13

Three years ago, my students did a good job of summing up what would happen if you did/did not show your friends you care. Listen, I want you guys to be filled with hope, backed up in fights, and invited to birthday parties four months in advance, so make sure you read that post.

About this time, two years ago, I posted my first vlogs! I was trying to do food reviews at the time. I was not good at it.

Ira Glass quote

A year ago, I made a list of things I find highly satisfying. Here are a few more:

1. Writing “Rx” in my workout notebook. (In the year 2011, I did five WODs Rx. So far, in 2013, I’ve done five Rx each month. Raaaaaaaaaawr!)

2. Listening to a well-crafted story at the Monti.

3. Seeing all my breakfasts and lunches for the week fixed n’ stacked in the fridge on Sunday afternoon.

4. Staying out too late on a Saturday night with my friends.

5. Shit my dad says. (Dad, a definitively not rich man, recently: “You need any money? You got any dogs that need operating on or anything?”)

You have things to add to your list?

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.