OK, everyone in. Take a knee.
Listen, last night was rough. I woke up at 2:00, fretted for a couple hours, read a chapter of my book, and dozed off 40 minutes before my alarm went off. I put on clean underpants and made it through the day without pitching any sixth graders out a window. I even took 33 of them out to the sunny courtyard during lunch because they had done their work completely and on time.
But now work is over, and we have a problem on our hands. You know and I know that I’m headed for a 3-hour nap, and you know and I know that my 3-hour naps are good for exactly no one. I always wake up feeling like I’m crawling out of the womb (so bright! so loud! so cold!). And then when bedtime hits, I’ve just slept three hours!—there’s no sleeping! No sleeping. Which means two nights of no sleep, which means children definitely get pitched out the window tomorrow. And my classroom’s on the second floor.
So we’re all gonna need to work together to prevent this catastrophe.
Redford and Violet are already pawing at my arms. That’s good. I’ll take them out for a walk, and it’s unlikely I’ll fall asleep during it.
My sister invited me to dinner at 6:00. That’s also good. I’ll have to leave at 5:40, so between dinner and the walk, the 3-hour-nap window is already closed to maybe an hour and twenty.
But listen, everybody’s got to pull his weight. I feel like one of you can probably make a Starbucks run. Others might need to come over for 10-minute shifts and slap me about the face and neck.
I believe in us, you guys. We can do this.
Ready?
Break.
you are welcome to come over and change the sleeping dragon’s diapers during that time frame. since she kept me up most of the night I’ll be taking a nap ;)
I would like to come over and snuggle her! It probably won’t be between 2 and 5am though.
did you read that recent article in the new yorker about sleep patterns? might offer some insight into your personal sleep preferences. i feel you. sans sleep i am a true terror. truly.
I believe Red Velvet cake is on menu tonight. What will that do to your insomniacal self? Maybe the three monkeys will exhaust you and then you can sleep!
20 minute nap. will allow you to still sleep later.
I wish I were capable! If my alarm goes off 20 minutes into a nap, I will, with 100% certainty, curse a blue streak, turn it off, and go back to sleep for 2 hours and 40 minutes more.
So how’d it go?????
Success! I stayed awake! Then I stayed up until 11 and had really weird dreams. :/
Woohoo! Hey, I rarely have trouble sleeping (except when someone who shall remain nameless is snoring in my ear) and even more rarely remember any dreams, let alone weird ones, but when I do it’s almost always around the time of the full moon. I thought it was because I hadn’t gotten around to putting up good shades in my bedroom, but this past week, even with my new, gorgeous (says she modestly) dark green, light excluding shades, I 1) had vivid and weird dreams and 2) trouble sleeping. When it finally stopped raining last night, I noticed what looked to me like an awfully full moon. Is *that* weird or what?
I bet we’re evolutionarily (is that a word?) programmed to sleep less well during full moons since predators could find us more easily then. Also to fight werewolves. Good luck getting some good sleep and keep a soothing book handy for late night wakeups.
Good point, Lewallen! I hadn’t thought of that.