Amy’s Fashion (Mis)Adventures: The Birds & the Bees

Your fashion-challenged Avid Bruxist, she is back with another Fix! (If you want to read previous Stitch Fix/fashion posts, scroll to the bottom and click the Fayshun tag.) As always, Kate will play the role of consigliere.

Get excited! This is a double post because I can’t keep up with shit while working and parenting and mowing the gotdamn lawn.

Guess what Stitch Fix did! They put a bird on it! Again! And I am here for it. I’d be happy if my closet were a straight-up apiary.

Wait, googling.

No, I meant aviary.

Though if they sent me a bumblebee print shirt next time, I would keep that shit.

Mix by 41 Hawthorn Ellie Printed 3/4 Sleeve $48

Keep this part about the statement necklace in mind, reader. This is what English teachers call foreshadowing.

Next, we had some white jeans.

Kut from the Kloth Judy Distressed Capri $88

My concerns were twofold. Length and color. I didn’t know what the right length is, but I felt like it was not whatever length this was. Kate confirmed my suspicions.

(For the record, not obvs.)

(Also for the record, Y THEY NOT LISSEN TO ME ABOUT DISTRESSED SHIT. NO WANT.)

Myriad problems with the next piece.

WEST KEI Allan Crossfront Blouse $38

Kate’s response was: Oh Nooooooooo! You know I’ll always welcome a show of your ladies… But that garment wounds me. That print is 90s working woman realness, usually found on a dress worn with socks and white sneaks for the commute. And why are there so many open holes and ties?! Why?!

It’s a mystery.

I wasn’t sure about this dress, especially because it would require a strapless bra, and the people who make strapless bras, much like the people who make shapewear, are sadists, but Kate was into it.

Wisp Cyndie Jersey Dress $68

Most of the jewelry Stitch Fix has sent me is either garbage or ugly or both (more foreshadowing!), but I loved these earrings.

Bay to Baubles Elan Filigree Drop Earrings $28

Now, let’s move on to the second Fix, which was a total bust. First one in a long time–maybe ever–that I sent all five pieces back.

(Note: For every Fix, you pay a $20 styling fee, which is subtracting from your total if you keep any items. So if you don’t buy anything, it’s like throwing twenty bucks out the window. But you can instead commit to a whole year of styling–as many Fixes as you want– for $49, which I did a couple months ago. Ergo, I didn’t lose any money sending everything back this time.)

Liked the first thing fine, but.

Skies are Blue Airika woven lace front knit top $48(!)

Kate agreed that the price was nuts.

You know that scene in The Devil Wears Prada when Meryl Streep excoriates Anne Hathaway because she scoffs at the choice between two belts which look exactly the same to her? I definitely am Anne Hathaway-level ignorant about fashion, but I’m getting a very slow, very limited education during this whole process. I’m learning things. Like the difference between denim and chambray.

[Typo: still = silk]

ID: 23 Hayford one pocket chambray top $46

Kate has on more than one occasion warned me off boob pockets, so I knew that would be an issue, but she also said the sleeves were too short. Noted.

Market & Spruce Meg knit dress $58

I know there are women who can wear skirts and dresses without something running interference between their thighs. I just wonder what that life is like. Seems amazing.

Speaking of thighs, I’m really, really trying to get to a place of, if not body positivity, at least body neutrality. I’m trying to reject social constructs of beauty and unrealistic societal body standards.

I’m just not there yet.

Lila Ryan Susannah short $68

In addition, you could see the pocket outline which means these size 16 shorts were too small. I’m trying not to be sad about that. Being a human woman is hard.

Anyway, let’s get back to the statement necklace. I told my stylist I wanted a chunky beaded necklace to go with the bird blouse. I was thinking something like this

but maybe in aqua or pink.

What I got was this:

Bay to Baubles Ani floral statement necklace $42

As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t know what my personal style is, but I know what it’s not–this hideous thing. I would pay $42 if the company would promise never to manufacture another one.

Hey, if you want to try Stitch Fix for yourself, please use this link. They’ll give me a $25 credit, and I’ll keep writing these silly blogs.

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207 thoughts on “Amy’s Fashion (Mis)Adventures: The Birds & the Bees”

  1. If I had not just sent back the crazy shirt StitchFix sent me yesterday I would post a picture. It was blue and white stripes (good), buttons up the front (meh), and then had giant floppy ties on the sleeves and a corset-like tie up the back.

    Too much work for too little pay-off, stylist. And that’s something I’m supposed to wear to work!

    Reply

  2. This was just what I needed after family-&-friends voting on photos of mother-of-the-bride dresses. My greatest goal: not to look like a sofa. Secondarily: to look like these arms do CrossFit instead batwings that wrap around to hold me in my sleep. Because Houston is HOT in September, and also I live in a cooler country and my daughters are far away and my body-not-very-positive psyche needs hugs. So you & Kate KEEP IT UP!

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  3. WTF is up with that boob-show shirt?!?! Like, seriously, who would want to look all classy and such until they pull their arms back just a touch and “HELLO GIRLS!!” Is there even a bra that would work with that? Wearing a cami would defeat the supposed purpose.

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  4. You know what makes me sad? Crepey thigh wrinkles. Didn’t know that was a thing. 54 is not kind to the female form. *sigh*

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