The Avid Bruxist Fixes Her Stitches, Part the Second

Weird. Found myself actually kinda looking forward to receiving my second shipment from Stitch Fix. Who is I, and what even where happening? Hold me. I’m cold.

But before we get into that, let’s talk about me trying to Make Fashion and achieving a victory, a semi-victory, and a decided non-victory. First the victory:

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Gap trousers Kate picked out a couple years ago, top from oldnavy.com clearance, necklace from my first Fix, and red(!) Frye flats I ordered on a commenter’s recommendation.

I sent this picture to Kate. “How am I doing? Too much grey?” I asked.

She said, “You’re doing it!” and went on to praise the “pop of color” and “elongated foot line” of my shoesies. Sure! I meant to do that! Fayshun!

The flats were $$$$, and they still rendered my feet meaty nubs, but I’m going to keep wearing them because $$$$.

The semi-victory:

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Blouse from oldnavy.com clearance, Gap pants (same as the grey ones, just orange), and grey Toms flats bought on a commenter’s rec.

Me to Kate: “Talk to me about this. Blouse from Old Navy–just OK, right? How does one accessorize when wearing orange pants?”

Kate said I could get the blouse tailored, but the tailoring’d probably cost more than the shirt, so nah. She recommended tucking it in and adding a leopard print belt or sassy earrings. I can do that! All I need is a leopard print belt and sassy earrings.

OK. Non-victory:

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Shirt and tank from… I don’t know–probably oldnavy.com clearance; Stitch Fix black skinny pants (I’ll get to them in a sec); utilitarian flip-flops.

To my credit, I knew it didn’t work. I just couldn’t articulate why. (I mean, aside from the flip-flops–I had to give my feet a day off to regrow their epidermis.) Kate said the shirt’s elastic waist doesn’t do me any favors–“hits and blouses at the wrong spot”–and the tank throws off the proportions even further. I don’t know what any of that means, but she does, and that’s what’s important here.

To the Fix!:

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19 Cooper Astair abstract print blouse; black Mira skinny jean from Liverpool; Tom’s flats.

This blouse has weird shoulders, but I don’t own much print stuff, so I kept it. The pants are super comfy, and unlike the last Fix’s, they’ve held up in the wash. I still think my lower half looks like an ice cream cone in skinny pants, but maybe the frozen dessert treat look is fashionable?

These flats too left red burny spots on my feet, but I like ’em. Gonna make ’em like me, if I have to use crutches to do it.

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41Hawthorn Colibri solid tab sleeve blouse; artful pose.

This filmy tunic is an awful lot like another filmy tunic I bought awhile back on oldnavy.com clearance, and both are meh. I would’ve returned it and the earrings in the next photo, except with the Buy Five discount it would’ve saved me only eight bucks. I’ll find somebody who wants the shirt.

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Earrings that are fine but don’t light up my loins.

Last thing:

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Brodee dress from Andrew Marc.

Kate: “Daaaaaamn, son! Put on some sexy times shoes and bring allllll the boys to the yard!”

I guess what she’s saying is that my Tom’s flats won’t cut it here, but I feel like I should get points for wearing something other than flip-flops.

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Crazy Jetsons neckline; Marlyn Schiff earrings; one of these days, I’ll comb my hair and put on makeup too, and Kate will press her fist to her lips, holding back happytears.

As a general rule, I don’t wear dresses. The chubrub is real and painful, even when I lube up my inner thighs and lube ’em up good, but I wore spandex shorts under this, and they precluded any fires in my nether regions.

Plus, one of my (male) sixth graders said, sort of matter-of-factly, “I thought you were going to a royal ball when I saw you in that dress.”

Stay tuned for future Fixes!

And if you want to try Stitch Fix yourself, please use this link because they’ll give me a $25 credit, and in return I’ll give you an internet high-five or smooch, your choice. Thanks to the readers who already did this! You contributed to the bringing of boys to the yard!

internet high five

smooch

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Read my other stuff at Fat CrossFitter and Baby Happy Pants.