But I kind of have face blindness*?
Recently, I was out with some friends. A very drunk young woman, who I guess I had met at a friend’s party? twice?, came up to me and said, “I’ve seen you walking around East Campus three times, and you always look like you’ve never seen me before.”
My arms went numb. I said, “Yikes, I’m so sorry. I’m the worst. I have a lot of trouble with faces.”
To make matters worse, I’m not great with names either. Unless you have an unconventional name, or a conventional name with an unconventional spelling, and you tell me how you spell it, then I’ll definitely remember. I’m great with spelling.
What does stick with me is your voice and your story.
I went to lunch with some of my gym gang and introduced myself to a dude I (thought I) didn’t know. He politely told me his name. I said, “So what do you do?”
He said, “I’m a mechanic at a Lexus dealer,” and I was like, “Wait, I’ve met you before.” He said, yeah, we had both been at a birthday party a few months prior.
I think one of the reasons I don’t meet people easily is because I’m terrified that I’ve already met them but I have no recollection of it.
So what I’m saying is, if I’ve met you, and I introduce myself to you or I look right through you, I swear to god I’m not being snooty. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry I don’t remember your face. I just have no visual discernment. (This deficit may explain my difficulty with the aesthetics of home decor, fashion, and makeup.)
I really do love to get to know people, but it takes me a while, so hey, if we ever meet, will you do me a favor? Will you say your name, spell your name, say your name again, and tell me a weird anecdote about you? And then the next time I see you, I’ll be like, “Hey, Veronika with a k! You sold a sawed-off shotgun to an undercover cop once but he let you go because he liked your sleeve tat! How you been?”
*I don’t really have face blindness. I took an online test. But it may be kind of like when I got tested for Celiac and it came back negative, and I was like, “But gluten hates me!” and the doc said I was non-Celiac gluten-sensitive. Maybe I’m not face-blind; maybe I’m just face-insensitive. Or maybe I’m just insensitive. Maybe I’m just an asshole. Gah! I’m the worst. Sorry sorry sorry sorry.