I Did a Good, Good Thing, But I Fucked It Up, As Per Uzh

I made soup!

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On the first bite, I was like, “I would ask this soup to prom.” The second bite was also good, but with each subsequent bite, it tasted less like soup and more like dessert.

That didn’t stop me from eating two bowls, but I wondered how I might cut the sweetness next time. I tappity-typed out a comment on the webpage, and just before I hit Post Comment, I thought to myself, “Self, you’re doing great. I don’t want to take anything away from the amazing progress you’ve made in the kitchen. But. When something doesn’t turn out quite right—I’m not saying always, I’m not saying always—just a lot of the time, or all the times I can remember right now, it’s because you’ve made a misstep.”

I considered where I might have gone wrong, and the only sweet thing in there was coconut milk, so I looked at the can.

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Guess what was made of coconut “juice”, sugar, polysorbate 60, a variety of diglycerides, propylene glycol alginate (that sounds healthy), sorbitan monostearate (good for preventing tennis elbow, I’ve heard), guar gum, and locust bean gum. Two kinds of gum. Both guar and locust bean.

Goya, you cabrón. Fucking trickster.

 

68 thoughts on “I Did a Good, Good Thing, But I Fucked It Up, As Per Uzh”

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