Group of Disabled Mice Assaulted by Local Woman after Misunderstanding

Worst of all, the incident seems to have been a result of a misunderstanding. When they heard the footsteps of a human coming into the kitchen, the mice, all of whom are legally blind, ran in the direction of their mouse hole. Having been on a two-week vacation in a neighboring home, however, the mice were unaware that the McDonalds had recently remodeled their kitchen. An obstacle (the new center island) blocked their path and forced them to run along its edge, directly toward the woman of the house.

Upon seeing the rodents, Mrs. McDonald became frightened. “I saw this gang of pests running toward me,” she told the investigator. “I didn’t know they were blind. I just thought they had a crazy look in their eyes.”

Fearing for her safety, she pulled a knife out of the knife block and whacked off each mouse’s tail. “I didn’t want to kill them,” she said further, “but I wasn’t about to let a gang of varmints overrun my house.”

The mice were rushed to a local veterinary hospital, where their tails were reattached successfully. The authorities have deemed the incident a case of self-defense. Upon hearing that no charges were filed against Mrs. McDonald and that they themselves might be charged with trespassing, the mice responded, “Of course we don’t think justice has been served!” They intend to sue the McDonalds in civil court.

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I assigned the kids to write a newspaper article based on a nursery rhyme or folk song. That’s the example I wrote for them.

To help them get started, I came up with headlines for other nursery rhymes and folk songs. First person to identify them all gets the grand prize: a cyber high-five from me.

1. Murine Citizen—Innocent Bystander, or Clock Vandal?
2. Near Drowning at Local Water Source
3. Area Woman Attempts Murder of Boyfriend While Hiking, Nearly Kills Self 
4. Dairy-Loving Witness Intimidated with Arachnid
5. Police Investigate Chilling Ovine Theft/Maiming
6. Woman Framed for Destruction of Iconic Bridge?
7. Area Young Sheep: Devoted Pet, or Deranged Stalker?
8. Local Woman’s State Fair Ribbons Stripped After Plant-Doping Accusations
9. Bone Thief at Large; Octogenarian Victim Speaks Out
10. Area Man Arrested After False-Gourd-Imprisonment of Spouse
11. Elderly, Boot-Dwelling Mom Convicted of Child Abuse
12. Case of Extreme Hunger, Animal Cruelty, or Psychosis?: Police Baffled

Bonus cyber high-five to anyone who writes an article.