Can You Even Dye My Eyes to Match My Gown?

I totally forgot on Retrobruxist Friday that I was going to implement a new feature to help me get over the idea that I might look repulsive on the internet: Embarrassing Photo of the Week.

Well, I’m here to remedy that situation right now. I was going to take another jacked-up pic of myself with Photo Booth, but! I jogged up to Boone this weekend to visit The Land of Oz with my dad and brother/fam, an annual debacle of a trip about which I will have to write one of these days, and I ended up in the family room, sifting through old photo albums and taking pictures of pictures.

Let me preface this photo by saying that my mom is an excellent seamstress. Growing up, whatever I asked for, she made, including the 7th grade prom dress you’re about to see. She would take me to the fabric store, and we would flop through giant McCall’s and Simplicity pattern books together. I’d point to The Dress, whereupon we would wind through the stacks of bolts until I zeroed in on the exact right fabric.

Some notes about this magnum opus:

  • Yes, that is a double bubble-skirt. Shut up. It was very much the fashion at the time.
  • If you click the photo and see it bigger, you might think that the white fabric has tiny black polka dots on it, but you’d be wrong — those are tiny hearts.
  • No, it’s not the lighting; my legs are indeed seven shades darker than my arms. That’s because I’m wearing dancers’ tights. I didn’t own panty hose, and these were in the days before one went bare-legged to such occasions.
  • Yes, that pony-tail holder is made of the same fabric as the giant bow on my ass. (I told you my mom would do whatever I asked of her.)
  • But most importantly, really, seriously,
look at my hand.

Hahahaha. I can’t believe I didn’t take up modeling.

On a sober note, I’ve always said/thought that I’ve been a fatty since forever. It’s clear from this picture that I was not fat in 7th grade. I really did start putting on weight in 8th grade and gained 50 pounds by the end of my year in Italy, but what’s interesting is, I truly thought of myself at the time as a fat girl.

I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because it was the thing to do for middle school girls. Maybe it’s because I had been binge-eating for so long that I just assumed.

Anyway, back to important things:

(a) This dress is still in the closet upstairs in case anybody wants to borrow it.

(b) Next week: 8th grade prom dress.

77 thoughts on “Can You Even Dye My Eyes to Match My Gown?”

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