The illustrious head_of_fema and I got together yesterday afternoon to view another awesomely bad movie, Dinocroc vs. Supergator, which he owns on Blu-Ray, natch. Matt had first suggested Halle Berry’s Catwoman, but when I read that D vs. S included David Carradine “in one of his final performances [before he killed himself jerking off in Thailand]”, I knew it was time for us to see some people getting eaten. Getting et.
By the way, previews included Dinoshark (exactly what you might imagine from the title) and Cyclops (“A general will be betrayed. Alliances will be forged. Revenge will be delivered,” said they. “Passive voice will be used,” replied I.)
…And now I’m thinking Roger Corman should probably produce Dinoshark vs. Cyclops.
OK, onward!
Alarms are blaring at Drake Industries Research Lab in Hawaii. “Everybody out now! It’s escaped!” yells a blond MILF in a lab coat, never mind that if it has escaped—just an idea but—maybe everybody should stay in. At 0:46, the Dinocroc or the Supergator, one, has its first white-coated snack. (Matt and I never figured out which beast was which. All I know is one had a lopey T-Rex gait, and the other ran low to the ground and wide, like Tulip.)
Dr. MILF hides behind a palm tree and gets on the phone. She calls Drake (David Carradine), who is smoking a cigar and having his blood pressure taken by a stripper nurse—oops, sorry, stripper doctor. My bad. He gets the low-down on what’s happening at his research facility from Dr. MILF, who then watches the other beast bust through a wall and flatten a dude. So many white-coated people get et.
Next up are the credits, including sweeping shots of Hawaiian landscape and a theme song, evocative of the Spaghetti Westerns of yesteryear, which will play relentlessly throughout the movie. And hurt my feelings.
A couple is lying on the beach (“Fully clothed. Interesting,” remarks Matt). They debate whether to stay there or go to a waterfall. She runs; he follows. [Many superfluous shots of them running through tall grass.] They arrive at the waterfall. “Come on. Let’s get wet,” says the dude, in a totally non-sexual way. Way to blow an opportunity, guy.
He tells her she’ll look prettier—no shit—if she gets him a beer, and she—no shit—goes to get him one. Serves him right: one of the beasts, who had apparently Flat-Stanleyed himself, rises up out of the shin-deep water to snatch the dude under. Girl turns around, can’t find her beau, and then gets et by the other beast. So far, the two beasts are like ships passing in the night. Ships that eat people.
Two dudes are arguing on the phone. Paul is some sort of investigative reporter or something?, and he’s saying he’s found some sketchy stuff at Drake Labs, like maybe they’re using the growth hormone not on plants as they’re supposed to, but on animals. The other guy, Mark, is telling him… I can’t remember, but there’s a homoerotic what-are-you-wearing moment at the end of their conversation.
A young blond in a uniform (we learn later she’s a conservation officer, ohhhh) docks a speedboat and goes up the pier to speak to her father, the police chief, with whom she shares an inappropriate amount of personal space. He reports that something strange is afoot; they found clothes and backpacks at the waterfall. Blondie should check it out but not without backup. She punches her dad flirtatiously. Ew, Electra.
Meanwhile, Drake sends in mercenaries to kill the beasts a la Predator. But you know what? They’re just in it for the money, so you know what else? They all get et. Ha. That’ll teach them to be so greedy.
Victoria, a British Natalie Imbruglia impersonator, beats up a bouncer to talk to Drake. Not sure why she has to beat up the bouncer, since she works for Drake and so does the bouncer, but I think it’s to show how tough she is. Drake recounts an anecdote about this pizza place on the Lower West Side of Manhattan, where he grew up; on their boxes was written, “You’ve tried the rest. Now try the best.” And he instructs her to call The Cajun. (This scene was done eleventy billion times better in Pulp Fiction.)
Cut to The Cajun, a hot guy with a rifle (but no discernible accent, Matt points out), who cuts himself with a Bowie knife and drips his blood in the water. His phone rings, and he simultaneously talks to Victoria and shoots an alligator in the face.
Paul, you remember Paul, who turns out works for the federal government, duh, is fishing. His lover(?), Mark, calls him and says he’s had intel that proves Paul was right! Fishy shit going on at Drake! Keep digging! Build a case!
Cassidy, the blond ranger who’s maybe probably having sex with her dad, reappears in her speedboat, which breaks down at the dock where Paul is fishing. She peruses his computer files while he checks her propellers and knows he’s not an engineer as he claims. He offers her a ride in his Jeep. (Now I’m concerned because the cover said these beasts can outrun SUVs!!!)
They have this conversation:
Paul: Why did you become a conservation officer?
Cassidy: I love animals. I hate seeing them hurt or exploited.
Paul: What if I killed a wild boar?
Cassidy: I’d throw you up against the car and handcuff you.
Paul: Is that a promise or a threat?
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute, Paul! Are you flirting with her? I thought you were having sex with Mark! I have no time to be confused, as they hear a roar and speed off in the slower-than-mutant-reptile-mobile.
I’m going to paraphrase a little here for the sake of Internet space:
- Some bikinis go to the waterfall and ask a nature photographer to snap pics of them; he says, “OK, one roll,” because apparently we still put film in cameras.
- Bikinis & photographer = et
- A movie producer asks the hotel clerk for a room stocked with food, liquor, and cheeses (that’s right!: food and cheeses) for three, if you know what I mean. (I think the producer’s telling the clerk that he’s invited for a three-way, but later it turns out to be the producer and two chicks, in a hot tub.)
- Producer/chicks = et
In the hospital, Dr. MILF explains how Drake misused federal funds for this project. Paul videotapes it. Once everyone’s gone, Victoria jabs Dr. MILF in the neck with a syringe full of cyanide (MILF: “What are you doing?” Victoria: “Something bad”). Paul catches her, but she defibrillates him and gets away.
The Cajun has the brilliant idea to get the Dinocroc and the Supergator together and let them duke it out. They’ll use helicopters and explosives to bring them together. The Cajun and Paul get in separate helicopters* and use heat-seeking electronics to locate the (cold-blooded, notes Matt) reptiles but then go back home because they didn’t bring the explosives with them? Seems like they could’ve made one trip. But I’m not Cajun so I don’t know.
*Cassidy kisses Paul square on the mouth with tongue at this point, in front of her dad/lover, but just minutes before Mark had told Paul to “watch [his] 6”, which I understood as phone sex. I DON’T KNOW, PEOPLE.
- A tour guide is taking a group of tourists around an abandoned hotel, which had been devastated by a storm years prior.
- Tourists (after some truly spectacular bad acting)/tour guide/bus driver = et
Paul tells The Cajun it doesn’t matter that the MILF is dead because he sent her videotaped testimony to a friend.
The Cajun: What kind of friend?
Paul: The serious kind.
EVERYONE NEEDS TO STOP BEING SUCH A SLUT.
Paul’s serious friend has made his way to Hawaii at this point and shoots Victoria. Drake’s stripper doctor comes down the stairs. “Who are you?” asks the serious friend. “I’m Drake’s nurse,” she replies. (Me: “Earlier he called her ‘doctor’!” Matt: “She must have a PhD in nursing.”) Drake has a heart attack and dies. Of autoerotic asphyxiation. In Thailand.
Back at the abandoned hotel, Police-Dad and Cassidy have a Moment:
P-D: You ready?
Cassidy: I’m your daughter, aren’t I?
P-D: And I’m lucky to have you. I should tell you that more. And have more sex with you.
[I added the last sentence.]
(Me: “They just had a Moment. He’s gonna die.” Matt, indignantly: “SPOILER ALERT!”)
- Police-Dad = et
Cassidy cries for exactly 34 seconds and then gets pissed. “It killed my dad. I’m gonna kill it.” She leads it through a tunnel into a field, where Paul and The Cajun are crouching behind a tractor, sharing a homoerotic touch.
This whole movie is nothing but sex.
The beasts collide! It’s finally the vs. part of the movie!
While one is killing the other, Paul comes up with a convoluted plan to finish off the victor, involving an explosive and a tub of rainwater. And guess what. It totally works.
The Cajun, Paul, and Cassidy walk off into the sunset, probably to have sex with each other. And Mark too. They shouldn’t leave Mark out.
Overall, super-fun and recommended. I just wish, since everybody was apparently having so much sex, they would’ve showed some of it on screen instead of making me picture it all in my mind. It was hot in my mind, though.
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Head to Megafurniture to?ay — eith?r th?ir Joo Seng
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Mattress Shopping in Singapore: Th? Step-by-Step
Guide Mo?t People ?ish T?ey Ha?
When ?t c?mes to Singapore furniture purchases, few decisions feel ?s personal or ?mportant a?
selecting t?e ri?ht mattress. You’r? expected to decide after lying on ? showroom sample
f?r just a m?nute ?r two, even th?ugh you’ll sleep ?n it ?ver?
single night f?r the next 8–12 years.
At Megafurniture, the Somnuz collection ??s built
t? he?p Singapore households navigate t?e m?st common mattress singapore choices ?ithout confusion.
?n Singapore, sever?l local factors m?ke mattress selection m?r? important
than in oth?r countries. ?he constant tropical humidity means poor airflow ?an qu?ckly lead t? musty smells o? mould concerns.
A l?rge num?e? ?f Singapore families deal ?ith dust-mite
reactions, ?ven if th?? h?ven’t connected t?e dots
to t?eir mattress singapore. Overnight air-conditioning ?se also chang?s how diffe?ent foams ?nd covers behave
compared ?ith showrooom testing.
Mo?t mattress options sold ?n Singapore f?ll into one of fo?r main construction categories, ?nd understanding the real differences helps ?o? choose smarter.
Pocketed spring designs ?emain popular because ea?h coil
works on its own, reducing partner disturbance wh??e allowing air
to circulate freely. Pure memory foam delivers excellent body contouring, ?et many Singapore
buyers no? prefer vrsions with ?dded cooling technology.
Latex ?s naturally bouncier, sleeps cooler, ?nd resists dust
mites ?etter t?an most foams — a genuine advantage ?n our
climate. Many modern hybrids pair pocketed springs ?ith targeted foam ?r latex layers f?r balanced support and temperature regulation.
?t Megafurniture ?ou can test t?e f?ll Somnuz ?ine —
f?om basic pocketed spring t? advanced water-repellent ?nd
latex hybrids — ?ll in th?ir furniture showroom. Firmness ?s t?e most ?iscussed mattress feature, ?et ?t’s also t?e most misunderstood beca??e it feels com?letely
different depending ?n your body weight ?nd sleeping position. If you sleep on ??ur side, a medium t? medium-soft mattress helps relieve pressure ?t the shoulder and hip.
Back sleepers ?ften feel m?st comfortable ?n medium to medium-firm surfaces
that support t?e lower bback properly. Stomach sleepers ne?? firmer support ?o
t?e lower ?ack do?sn’t collapse ?nto the surface.
?ecause m?st Singapore homes ?ave tighter bdroom dimensions, choosing t?e right mattress
singapore size prevents t?? room f?om feeling
cramped. ?he to? layer ?f any mattress singapore plays ? bigger role in local conditions t?an m?ny people realise.
Models ?ith bamboo fabric covers stay noticeably drier ?nd fresher ?n humid Singapore bedrooms.
Th? water-repellent cover ?n t?e Somnuz Commfort Night m?kes it f?r
more practical fo? real Singapore family life.
Megafurniture’? Somnuz collection was cre?ted t? match the most
common buyer profiles in Singapore. Somnuz Comfy ?? the
go-to budget-friendly option for many furniture singapore shoppers ?ooking fo? dependable pocketed
spring support. Somnuz Comforto appeals t? hot sleepers and allergy-sensitive households t?anks to ?ts breathable bamboo cover ?nd
latex layer. ?h? Somnuz Comfort Night features ? water-repellent cover and i?
perfect for families ?ith ?oung children, pets, ?r ?nyone w?nting extra moisture protection ?n our climate.
T?? top-tier Somnuz Roman Supreme delivers premium support ?nd luxury feel f?r
buyers w?lling to invest in the ?ighest comfort level.
Mostt people test mattresses t?e wrong ?ay ?uring furniture store visits — ?nd it leads to regret ?ater.
To get useful feedback, spend ?t l?ast ten minutes on ea?h model ?n t?? exact position you norm?lly sleep
in.You can try th? ?ntire Somnuz collection comfortably ?t Megafurniture’s Joo Seng flagship ?r Tampines outlet.
Delivery scheduling ?? more imp?rtant than m?ny buyers realise ?hen bbuying mattress store items.
Check ?hether old mattress disposal ?s included and read t?e warranty terms carefully — not ?ll “10-year warranties” cover t?e
s?me things.
? quality mattress singapore ?hould comfortably ?ast 8–10 yea?s in Singapore conditions ?hen chosen ?nd maintained properly.
Ignoring ?arly warning signs ?sually means ??u end u? sleeping on ? worn-out mattress
far longer than ??u s?ould. Whet?er you prefer to shop
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Choosing a Mattress ?n Singapore: The Complete Buyer’? Guide for HDB, Condo & Landed Homes
Fo? most Singapore homeowners, buying ? mattress singapore ?s
one of the most prsonal furniture singapore decisions t?ey face.
?ost people spend m?re t?me choosing ? sofa t??n they do choosing the mattress t?ey use ??ery
night. ?t Megafurniture, t?e Somnuz collection ?as built to hel? Singapore households navigate t?? mo?t
common mattress store choices ?ithout confusion.
Singapore’? unique living environment t?rns mattress buying ?nto a highe?-stakes decision t?an many first-tim? buyers expect.
Singapore’? year-?ound humidity puts extra pressure
?n moisture management ?nside any mattress. Dust mites thrive ?n this climate, mak?ng hypoallergenic materiaks
? real advantage for many households. The widespread ?s? of aircon ?t night can make c?rtain foam types feel firmer
?r l?ss comfortable t?an they did under bright furniture showroom
lights.
Singapore mattress store shelves ?re dominated b? fo?r main construction categories — ?ach with it? own strengths and
t?ade-offs. Individual pocketed spring systems ?ive go?d support and stay noticeably
cooler t?an solid foam blocks. Pure memory foam delivers excellent body
contouring, ?et many Singapore buyers no? prefer versions with ad??d cooling technology.
Latex mattresses stand ?ut f?r the?r responsive bounce, superior breathability, ?nd built-?n resistance to allergens ?nd mould.
M?ny modern hybrids pair pocketed springs ?ith
targeted foam ?r latex layers f?r balanced support and temperature regulation.
??? Somnuz range ?t Megafurniture ?as cr?ated to let Singapore buyers
compare t?es? fo?r categories directly ?nd easily.
Choosing t?e right firmness level is f?r more personal than m?st
mattress singapore shoppers expect. ?ide sleepers genera?ly benefit from medium-soft t? medium firmness for proper spinal alignment.
?ack sleepers ?ften feel most comfortable ?n medium to medium-firm sutfaces t?at support t?? lower back properly.
Firm mattresses wor? bett?r for stomach sleepers becaus? they k?ep th? spine in b?tter alignment.
HDB and condo bedrooms in Singapore are typically ?maller,
making correct sizing essential ?ather t?an ju?t chasing the biggest option. The cover material ?? one of the most unde?-appreciated features f?r Singapore buyers.
Bamboo-fabric covers offer excellent moisture-wicking ?nd mild
antibacterial properties t?at he?p th? surface stay fresher
longer. T?e water-repellent cover ?n the Somnuz Comfort Night ma?e? it
f?r more practical f?r real Singapore family life.
?ere’s ?ow the Somnuz mattresses ?ine ?p with real household requirements ?n Singapore.
Somnuz Comfy ?s the ?o-to budget-friendly option for many furniture singapore shoppers l?oking f?r dependable pocketed spring support.
?he Somnuz Comforto ?dds bamboo fabric ?nd latex
for t?ose ?ho prioritise breathability ?nd natural dust-mite resistance.
?he water-repellent Somnuz Comfort Night ?s especia?ly popular
wit? families ??? w?nt practical peace ?f mind in Singapore’s humid environment.
Premium buyers often choose t?e Somnuz Roman Supreme
f?r superior materials ?nd long-term comfort.
The traditional ninety-?econd showroom test m?st people ?? is a?mo?t useless f?r making a goood decision. ?o get u?eful feedback, spend ?t lea?t ten m?nutes ?n each model in th?
exact position y?u norma?ly sleep ?n. Megafurniture’? flagship furniture
showroom ?t 134 Joo Seng Road ?nd t?e Giant Tampines outlet ?oth display t?e full Somnuz range in realistic bedroom settings, m?king
extended testing mu?h easier.
Confirm delivery timing matches ?our m?ve-?n or renovation schedule — t?is
i? one of th? most common pain point? for new BTO owners.
As? about old mattress removal ?nd study the warranty details
?efore ?ou sign.
With the right choice, ? ?ood mattress fr?m a reputable furniture store ?ike Megafurniture ?ill serve you well fo? nearly a decade.
If morning stiffness, visible sagging, ?r increased motion transfer ap?ear, ?t’s
time to replace — t?e body oft?n compensates f?r a failing mattress longer t??n mo?t people realise.
Visit Megafurniture’? furniture store or browse t?eir full mattress singapore collection online t? find the Somnuz model that matches ?ou? ne?ds ?nd budget.
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Mattress Shopping in Singapore: ?he Step-by-Step Guide
Most People ?ish T?ey Had
Fo? most Singapore homeowners,buying a mattress singapore
?s one of t?e mo?t personal furniture singapore decisions t?ey f?ce.
You’re expected to decide after lying on a showroom sample
for just a minute or two, even tho?gh ?ou’ll sleep on it every single night f?r the ne?t 8–12 years.
The Somnuz range from Megafurniture w?s designed specificall? to mak? t?is decision clearer for
Singapore buyers ?y covering the fou? main construction types m?st local families compare.
Singapore’? unique living environment tu?ns mattress
buyingg into a h?gher-stakes decision t??n many first-time buyers expect.
?h? constant tropical humidity m?ans poor airflow c?n quickly lead
to musty smells or mould concerns. A la?ge num?er of Singapore families deal ?ith dust-mite reactions, even ?f
t?ey h?v?n’t connected t?e dots t? t?eir mattress.
Overnight air-conditioning ??? also ?hanges h?w different foams and covers behave compared
wit? showroom testing.
Most mattress singapore options sold ?n Singapore fall into ?ne of four main construction categories, ?nd understanding
t?e real differences helps you choose smarter. Individual pocketed spring systems ?ive g?od
support and stay noticeably cooler t?an solid foam blocks.
Pure memory foam delivers excellent body contouring, ?et many Singapore buyers now prefer versions ?ith
ad?ed cooling technology. Latex ?? naturally bouncier, sleeps cooler,
and resists dust mites ?etter t?an most foams — ? genuine advantage ?n our climate.
??ny modern hybrids pair pocketed springs ?ith targeted
foam o? latex layers for balanced support and temperature regulation.
Megafurniture’? Somnuz collection conveniently represents t?e main constructioln types m?st
local families ?onsider. Choosing the ri?ht firmness level ?s far more personal th?n most mattress store shoppers expect.
?f you sleep ?n yo?r si?e, a medium t?
medium-soft mattress singapore helps relieve pressure ?t
th? shoulder and hip. Back sleepers ?ften feel most comfortable
?n medium t? medium-firm surfaces t??t support t?e lower ?ack properly.
Stomach sleepers ?hould lean t?ward firmer options t? prevent th? hips f?om sinking too f?r.
HDB and condo bedrooms ?n Singapore ?re typically sm?ller, ma?ing correct sizing essential ?ather t?an ju?t chasing
the biggest option. T?e top layer of any mattress plays ?
bigger role in local conditions than many people realise.
Bamboo covers ?sed in som? Somnuz models provide
superior breathability ?nd h?lp reduce musty build-up over time.
Water-repellent finishes on ?ertain Somnuz mattresses ?dd practical protection ?gainst accidental spills and hig? humidity.
?ere’? how the Somnuz mattresses ?ine up with real household requirements ?n Singapore.
Fo? valu?-conscious buyers,the Somnuz Comfy delivers ?ood
independent coil support at an accessible ?rice ?oint.
The Somnuz Comforto ?dds bamboo fabric ?nd latex for those who prioritise breathability ?nd natural dust-mite resistance.
?he water-repellent Somnuz Comfort Night ?s e?pecially popular
?ith families ?h? want practical peace of mind ?n Singapore’? humid environment.
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?t t?e top of the range.
M?st people test mattresses t?e wrong way ?uring furniture store visits — and it leads t? regret ?ater.
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you can feel real motion transfer and pressure ?oints.
Both Megafurniture showrooms let y?u test the Somnuz mattresses properly ?n proper bedroom environments ?ather than on a bare
sales floor.
Delivery scheduling ?? m?re important than many buyers realise when buying mattress sigapore items.
?ost quality mattress warranties ?ast 10 year? on paper,
?ut the actual coverage f?r sagging ?nd comfort issues varies ?etween brands.
Treat th? decision ?eriously and a well-chosen mattress ?ill deliver y?ars of
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