Mostly Naked on the Internet

I once read an article that said that 86% of females feel bad about themselves within the first five minutes of picking up a “women’s magazine” like Cosmo. (There’s a standard deviation of {+/-infinity} on that statistic because I can’t actually remember what the article said. But I recall that it was a big percentage/short time.)

I identified as one of those statistical females. So I stopped reading those magazines. This was about 8 years ago, and I still don’t look at them. It has helped.

But you know, you don’t have to be flipping through Vogue to find unreasonable body standards in the world.  They’re around us all the time. Movies, TV, the music industry. Shit, there are toys on the market that’ll mess with a little girl’s mind and make her not love herself because her stomach’s not concave like the doll’s or her hair is not flaxen like the doll’s or her cooter doesn’t smell like strawberry bubble gum like the doll’s.

Our stupid culture has told me for a long time my body’s wrong, and despite being educated and of fair-to-middling intelligence, I’ve believed it every single step of the way. My ass is too big; my thighs are too dimply; my arms are squishy; my belly pooches out; I have cankles; my stretch marks look like the Rand-McNally of the Washington, D.C. environs; my boobs don’t defy gravity; my chin has a chin.

Cut to the end of last week when this photo started popping up in my Facebook feed:

You seen it?

Look how thin and taut and angular and boob-y and shiny the women in the Victoria’s Secret ad are. Silky tresses for daaaayyyys. Exact same height. Skin colors like on the townhouse exteriors in The Promenades at Spryngdale neighborhood, or whatever homogeneous enclave is two miles from your house.

And, to a woman, they are identical from the neck down.

I don’t know a goddamn soul who looks like that in real life. All the women I know look like the ones in the Dove ad (WHO I THINK ARE GORGEOUS): tall ones, short ones, busty ones, flat ones, curvy ones, straight ones, ones shaped like blueberries, ones shaped like pencils, and ones shaped like Coke bottles. Some carry their weight between shoulders and waist, and others from the hips down [raises hand]. Long hair, short hair. Skin of every color on the palette.

And this ad, or maybe this juxtaposition of ads (because I never would’ve noticed the total freaky-deakiness of the VS ad without the other), made me feel so much better about myself. I mean, I know Dove is a business, and businesses are in the business of making money, and this whole Social Mission blah-di-blah is probably just a really slick marketing ploy. I hope not. But even if it is, I don’t care because I feel so much better about myself after seeing this ad.

I. Look. Like. Them.

In fact—am I really going to do this?

…

Yes, yes I am. Fuck it. Hey, look at me, mostly naked on the internet (that’s a bathing suit… I just couldn’t do undies):

Now I’ve become one of those assholes

who takes pictures of herself in the mirror.

Here’s the back view:

Ha ha ha! So much junk!

I look at these photos, and while none of the Dove models is quite the chubster I am, my shape would totally fit in their ad. Because they’re all different shapes. And heights. And hair colors. And skin colors.

I’m sick of hating my body. I’m going to be 37 next month; this needs to end. The fact of the matter is, that roll of back fat you see up there and those stacked marshmallows I’ve got for arms and that hip-to-knee cellulite (which you can’t really see well in the photos but it’s totally there—high-five, iPhone camera!… Note to self: Buy Apple stock)? That fat and those marshmallows and that cellulite are my body, and that body carts this gal around and provides a venue for this blog to germinate and gives me orgasms and lifts heavy things. I am that body. That body is me.

Here are the parts I need to remember:

(1) There is no “normal woman”; we’re all different;

(2) yelling at myself about my body has never succeeded in effecting change;

(3) there will be people who look at me in these photos and go, Ew; I don’t have to be one of them; and

(4) somebody out there is going to like this body exactly the way it is.

But only when I do it first.

So this is my Love My Body/Real Beauty campaign. This is me. I am this. STFU, Amy, and stop being mean to yourself.

549 thoughts on “Mostly Naked on the Internet”

  1. My “bad body thought” trick is to counter every bad thought with at least two “thank yous” as in: “thank you for big strong arms that let me cradle the babies;” “thank you for nimble fingers that can still play the piano (even if I hardly ever have time to practice); “thank you for being able to kneel over my beloved garden;” thank you for strong back and legs to haul mulch around in the wheelbarrow;” “thank you….”

    Reply

  2. Amy, you are amazing, body and mind. Besides, you know those Victoria Secret photo shopped models feel just as self-conscious on the inside as the rest of us.

    Reply

  3. I love this blog post on several levels. I shall name them now:

    The “a woman in full, claiming her power” level
    The “I shall use my wit and charm for good on the internet level”
    The “epiphany of universal truth” level
    The “there’s Amy in a bikini level”

    but mostly on the “you said it good” level.

    I love all parts of Amy Scott. Especially this bloggy part.

    Reply

  4. cooter smells like strawberry bubble gum?

    sorry, i almost couldn’t get past that part. you know i love you, amy, and thanks a million for the picture, but hey, you GOTTA get out of NC

    Reply

  5. You look Fab. More importantly, you seriously brave to post a bikini shot on the internet. For years, my body issue was being too thin. I wanted curves like you have. I anxiously awaited the a visit from the boob fairy. I hated being built like a ten year old boy. It took decades, but I finally learned to accept who I am…. that my physical shape does not determine who i am. And anyone who only judges me based on my looks isn’t worth my time.

    Reply

  6. Amy, you are gorgeous inside and out! Total props for this post! Love it! But, I am pretty sure my pookie smells like rainbows and butterflies!

    Reply

  8. You are fantastic! I love your thoughts and the way you look. Keep being the wonderful, funny, brave and beautiful person you are.

    Reply

  10. I LOVED this post. So right on.

    Also, seriously?! Girl, you got it GOIN’ ON. Gorgeous curves! Some of us, while happy with our small boobs and hips, are still rather envious of yours.

    HOT.

    Reply

  11. Amy…..thank you and your beautiful body and beautiful brain and your beautiful heart…..thank you for this. xoxo

    Reply

  12. Hey! I was one of you dates long ago. The nerdy physicist. I remember you wrote a blog and it was pretty funny so I looked you up. Awesome! Glad you are still looking great and, most importantly, still writing! I’m engaged and graduated now but it was a long slog. Best!!!

    Reply

  23. There are some interesting points in time on this article however I don’t know if I see all of them heart to heart. There is some validity but I’ll take maintain opinion till I look into it further. Good article , thanks and we would like extra! Added to FeedBurner as nicely

    Reply

  25. I just could not depart your website prior to suggesting that I actually loved the standard information an individual supply to your visitors? Is gonna be back often in order to check out new posts.

    Reply

  26. Good day very cool blog!! Man .. Beautiful .. Amazing .. I’ll bookmark your web site and take the feeds additionally…I’m satisfied to find numerous helpful info here in the submit, we want work out extra strategies on this regard, thank you for sharing.

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