Ask the AB: How to Tip Your Waitress

In this segment of our broadcast, I like to answer questions asked by the audience. Also questions asked by no one, as is the case in this one. This particular post is dedicated to waiters/waitresses/ waitrons/servers/people-who’ll-be-taking-care-of-you-tonight and contains a few brief lessons on how to tip them.

Step 1: Tip them.

That’s right. We live in America. I don’t care if you’re from another country, or your mama raised you thrifty, or in your American subculture “we don’t tip”. Tip the damn waitress.

Maybe you think you don’t need to. Waiting tables is not that hard, right? Well, other than being personable, remembering orders, entering them into a computer, dealing with kitchen staff (which can be a challenge, cain’t it, Margo?), delivering food and drinks, making sure the customers’ needs are met, and being on their feet all night, you’re right. Nothing to it.

Step 2: Tip them 20%. 

That’s right. We live in America. A standard tip is now 20%. If the service is truly shitty, talk to the manager. Otherwise, look at the total on your bill, shift the decimal one place to the left, and then double that amount.

Maybe you think you don’t need to. They get a paycheck after all. Yes. Guess how much the hourly wage for a server is in NC. Two dollars and thirteen cents an hour.

$2.13

Employers are allowed to do that because it’s assumed waitstaff will receive tips. (See Step #1.)

[If at your Sunday brunch you think, “It’s a buffet! They don’t have to do that much!”, remember they still have to be there, and they’re still getting paid $2.13 an hour.]

Step 3: Tip them cash.

I know, I know—we live in America. We like to pay with plastic. Pay the tip in cash.

Maybe you think you don’t need to. But sometimes, when the customers have been drunk and belligerent, and the kitchen has screwed up a couple orders, and the servers have had to bus and reset all their own tables the whole shift because the busboy got busted for having a pound of weed in his Tercel, that wad of cash is the only thing that’ll make them get out of bed and serve your ass again the next day.

There you go. You didn’t ask the Avid Bruxist, and I graciously answered.