Sometimes I get really dedicated to Very Important Hair Removal. Now there’s one thing I’ll never do, unless maybe I start a porn career. (My doctor friend: “It’s mucosa! Would you ever shave your tongue?!” Exactly.) But I do wax my eyebrows, trim the ol’ nostril cilia, and use a
on my leg and armpit hair.
And then there’s the mustache. The mustache that my friends swear they can’t see, and I usually don’t either, until I’m sitting in my car with the late afternoon sunlight pouring in, and I flip down my visor mirror, and GOOD GOD, I LOOK LIKE GERALDO RIVERA.
And I can’t help myself, I head for the wax. This is a bad move, a stupid move, because it always ends the same way. Whether I wax it myself, or I have it waxed by a professional, no matter what kind of wax I use, or if I pluck it with tweezers, or if I steam my pores open first, or even get it threaded at the mall, I always spend the next five to seven days with tiny whiteheads on my upper lip.
What’s worse? A mustache that can only be viewed on sunny days between 4:00 and 6:00pm in my vehicle or a week’s worth of lip acne?
The mustache, right?
(Everybody pretend you don’t see my lip acne for the next week, K?)
Never noticed a thing tonight other than your killer hula hooping skillz, yo.
Yesssssss! My distract-them-from-the-lip-acne-with-hoop-tricks strategy worked!
I seriously can NOT believe you use that thing. I remember interrogating you about that several years ago when I saw it on your bathroom counter. Unreal. You are one tough cookie.
Convinced to send away for it with my babysitting money, I bought one of those things from an infomercial when I was a teenager. It had a money back guarantee. I returned it with only a few of my root balls stuck in it’s terrible, gnashing metal teeth.
You are the only person I’ve ever heard of who didn’t demand their cash back after one experience with the horrible poison dart throwing contraption. It would feel much less painful to get a detailed map of Durham tattoed across your body than to use that epil machine. Aack.
I do! I love it! I mean, it doesn’t hurt that bad anymore, and I use it maybe twice a month. The only thing that sucks is you don’t get that silky-smooth, just-shaved feeling.
Blot blot blot with the wax strip. It doesn’t seem like it’s doing anything but that solved the whitehead problem. Just in case you go back to that method.