The Formula

Thrice in my life, I have fainted. Long about the third time, the cause/effect relationship was easy to identify. Here it is.

If I am:

  1. standing
  2. on a moving train
  3. in the morning
  4. without having eaten breakfast

I will faint.

Weirdest thing. I get all woozy. My vision narrows to nothing. And then I find myself supine on the train floor with a bunch of startled passengers wondering if I’m preggers or ODing. Or my sister does her best to carry me off the T, but I manage to get my shoe caught between the train and the platform and fall onto the marble floor.

Anyway, point is, it’s a formula; these circumstances lead to my faintage. Now I can avoid the situation by, say, eating breakfast or taking a cab. (Or moving somewhere with a really poor public transportation system therefore having to drive to work. Ah, done.)

I just wish it were easier for me to delineate other cause/effect relationships.

Like, for example, the one that led to my epic fucking temper tantrum at the gym tonight.

Is it that if I:

  1. spend two days untagging myself from Fight Gone Bad photos on Facebook because I am just goddamn enormous,
  2. eat two pieces of sheet cake at my principal’s goodbye luncheon,
  3. take a two-hour nap,
  4. watch all the other females in class do some semblance of handstand push-ups while I still struggle with the hands-on-floor/knees-on-box/ass-in-the-air variety,
  5. and finally, not be able to do any double-unders during the WOD (seriously, after getting 32 in a row last week, tonight I was getting two or one or none),

then I will have a big ol’ crying fit and storm out of the gym without saying goodbye to anyone?

Is that the formula?

Did I figure it out?

‘Cause if that’s it, maybe I can circumvent the Grand Tanty by drinking a cup of coffee or not eating Harris Teeter bakery products.

Or maybe I’ll just send out an invitation next time: Come to Amy’s Low Self-Esteem Day at CrossFit Durham!!

It was probably pretty entertaining to watch.

75 thoughts on “The Formula”

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