Twice when I was growing up, maybe a couple years apart, I choked on food. Both times, it was a navel orange segment that I hadn’t bothered to chew enough. Both times, my mom noticed that I was about to die, reached in the back of my throat, pulled out the offending citrus, and flung it in the trash.
And went back to needle-pointing a Christmas stocking. Or braiding bread dough into Challah loaves.
In my adulthood, I asked her, “Mom, how could you not totally freak out when your baby’s airway was cut off?”
She paused and then said, “Well, I always thought there could be only one drama queen in a relationship, and your father had that pretty much covered.”
There’s something to be said for this. My mom and dad are opposites in many ways. Mom has a sort of practical/functional slant to her smarts (her PhD is in public health); Dad’s brain is more theoretical (his, ancient history). Mom’s never met a stranger; Dad’s a proud misanthrope. Mom’s parenting style was a little more laissez-faire; Dad was always fiercely protective, ready to swoop in and save the day.
My sister and brother-in-law are interesting complements as well. When I didn’t call after meeting FOT the first time, my sister started worrying. “I hope something bad didn’t happen on Amy’s date,” she said to her husband.
He cocked his head at her and said, “Maybe her date went really well.”
One time E got my sister a little figurine of Tigger standing behind Eeyore, the tiger yanking backwards on both of the donkey’s cheeks.
Wait a minute…
My brother-in-law : Tigger :: my sister : Eeyore.
But you have to have something in common, of course. My parents have been together 40 years, my sister and bro-in-law 21. They didn’t get there being diametrically opposed in every way.
So what do you absolutely have to share with your partner? And how much different is good?
I ask because I’m emailing with a guy from OKCupid right now who claims to be a positive nihilist (that sounds like me), loves food (um, mm-hm), and won’t get out of his car at his destination if Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin'” is on the radio (whoa! hello, kindred spirit!).
But he smokes “sometimes”, drinks “often”, and doesn’t want children.
I’m thinking I could tolerate (a) and (b), but (c) probably means no-go, right?