Second date with FOT last night went pretty well. Some of you (Dan, Cat, etc.) will be pleased that he picked up the check, I said I’d chip in, and when he said, “Nah, I got this,” I shut up and let him pay for dinner.
I’m not sure whether we have “it” or not, but we had a good time, so there you go.
I have been fantasizing a lot. But not about FOT.
And not about my girl-crush. (Sorry, Margo.)
About
On our first date, FOT told me his co-worker had found a puppy and was trying to find the little guy a home, and I asked FOT to send me a picture or two. I KNOW, I’M A DUMBASS. SHUT UP.
Before I even saw him, I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine mine mine. The words “baby” and “pit bull” have a similar effect (though in a much more pleasant way) as “mayonnaise” and “burpees” for me. I lose all strength and integrity. I will lie, cheat, and steal to get my hands on them. (On the baby pit bulls, not the mayonnaise and burpees, of course.) Mammalian crack cocaine.
Then I remembered
And my bank account. And I knew I shouldn’t do it.
That’s when FOT sent me the pictures.
I lost my ever-loving mind. I was all, “DON’T CARE ABOUT MONEY WILL SELL MY BODY MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE.” I wanted to stick my face right in his neck and stroke those silky ears.
I started thinking I’d do it, you know. One more dog. What? Mr. Wonderful and his Doberman certainly aren’t banging down the door to fill up the dog-shaped space in my house. I’d fill it myself. No big whoop.
Well, guess who’s turned up lame now?
I picked Redford up from his babysitter yesterday, and she told me he was limping. Oh boy is he limping. Today the vet prescribed him some pain meds and told me to keep him from exercising. (Good luck with that.) If it doesn’t improve in a few days, he’ll have to have an x-ray. Could the solution be surgical? Yes.
So I’d just like to extend both middle fingers right now to the Universe for teaching me that lesson (Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Date’s Co-worker’s Foster Dog) in the nastiest way possible.
(And ten thousand people are dead in Japan, so I’m gonna shut the fuck up now.)