Ass-Clown

I was still effing sore from all the ridiculousness that was yesterday’s WOD when I walked in the gym tonight. Every pull-up felt like I was hoisting a corpse. Plus Coach Rich made us do box jumps and bear crawls for the group warm-up. I looked at him half-way through and panted, “Are you sure this isn’t the metcon?” (That’s metabolic conditioning for you non-CrossFitters.)

The strength segment was presses. That was fine. But jeez maneez, the second part was 3 rounds of:

Well, I snatched thirty-five pounds, which was twenty less than Rx, and HSPUs are, shall we say, a tad beyond my capabilities at this point. I put my knees on a box, derrière in the air, and do them like that.

And of course, the running. Bleah. Blech. Blechity-bleah. I’m so slow. So…

…slow.

I’m slow anyway, but I knew I’d be extra-specially so today since I was already plumb wore out.

The 200m turn-around spot is at the second oak tree up the hill from the gym, which sucks until you head back and then it’s not as sucky. Even I feel OK coming down that decline. I’m not speedy or anything, but I don’t feel like I need to drop to all-fours.

The only problem is when I do a late WOD, and it’s dark, and the street lights are on. It’s not that I’m scared or anything. It’s that there’s this low stone wall, see, and—OK, let me explain.

This is what my ass normally looks like from the side. (I may have done a little graphic lipo on my stomach and thighs here.)

Point is, I have major junk all up in my trunk. This is well documented.

But when I’m running down that hill in front of the gym, and the street lights are on, the way my shadow lands on the stone wall makes my butt look

like this.

The hot guy who stole my sister-wife, Kristen, away at the Valentine’s Day shindig was running behind me at one point (because he was that close to lapping me). And before the WOD, I noticed he wasn’t actually a hot guy. He was a ridiculous specimen of male beauty. Beardy and tatooey and muscly and blue-eyed.

Yikes. I did not want him to catch even the slightest glance of the carnival fun-house shadow of my posterior on that wall.

So I ran.

I ran like my legs were steel springs.

I ran as fahst as a leppid.

…Of course, I’m absolutely sure that Hot Man’s entire focus was on me, not himself, during the WOD. I’m pretty sure everybody’s focus was and is always on me. Because I am the center of the universe.

(I’m very self-absorbed sometimes, have you noticed?)

(But to be fair, my ass’s shadow does make it look like planets orbiting it would not be out of the question.)

816 thoughts on “Ass-Clown”

  1. Simply want to say your article is as surprising. The
    clearness in your post is simply great and i can assume
    you are an expert on this subject. Well with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date
    with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

  2. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the page layout
    of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.

    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with
    it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures.
    Maybe you could space it out better?

  3. Hi, I do think this is an excellent web site. I stumbledupon it
    ;) I may return once again since I book marked it.

    Money and freedom is the best way to change, may
    you be rich and continue to help others.

  4. Fantastic blog! Do you have any hints for aspiring
    writers? I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
    Would you suggest starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally
    confused .. Any suggestions? Cheers!

  5. I blog quite often and I really thank you for your content.
    Your article has really peaked my interest. I will take a note of your site and keep checking
    for new information about once per week. I subscribed to
    your RSS feed too.

  6. Hello! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after looking at many of the posts I realized it’s new
    to me. Regardless, I’m definitely delighted I came across it and I’ll be book-marking it and
    checking back regularly!

  7. First off I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to
    ask if you do not mind. I was curious to know how you
    center yourself and clear your head before writing.

    I have had a tough time clearing my thoughts in getting my
    ideas out. I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally wasted simply just trying to
    figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints?
    Many thanks!

  8. Hi there! Someone in my Myspace group shared this site with us so
    I came to look it over. I’m definitely loving the information. I’m bookmarking and will be tweeting this to my followers!
    Outstanding blog and brilliant design.

  9. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but
    after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to
    me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  10. Howdy would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with?
    I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this
    blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you recommend
    a good web hosting provider at a honest price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  11. Instant access to millions of digital products you can brand and sell as your own ? ! ? Expansive kids’ product collection ! ? Hundreds of thousands of professionally written eBooks ! ? Fully customizable guides and workbooks ! ? PowerPoint and presentation templates ! ? Infographics and visual templates ! ? High-definition logo templates ! ? Print-on-demand T-shirt designs ! ? Video editing assets and motion graphic ! ? Graphic design resources ! ? Social media content packs ! ? Trending digital products across multiple niches ! ? Business and productivity templates ! ? Digital art collections ! ? Music producer assets ! ? Cyberpunk-themed collections ! ? Advanced 3D printing files ! ? Planner & journal creator ! ? ChatGPT prompt collection ! ? Fitness and wellness mega bundles ! And much more to explore here : http://unlimited-ai-tools.advertising4you.co.uk

Leave a Reply to bom.so Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *