Actual Conversation from Tonight’s Dinner Party

(Not at my house, natch.)

Friend: This is delicious, [hostess], and speaking of which (turning to me), let’s talk about your blog.

Other friend: What about it?

Me: I’ve been trying to do some cooking.

Friend: (laughing) Ugh, what WAS that ham and lima bean and mozzarella thing?

Me: (hanging head) I’m TRYING.

Friend: You just need to learn a few basics, like soup and chicken.

Me: I tried to bake some chicken. It didn’t work.

Friend: What did you do?

Me: I coated it in a chicken spice and put it in my toast-r-oven at 400.

(peals of laughter from all parties)

Friend: You can’t cook chicken in a toast-r-oven!

Me: Why not? It’s a toast-r-OVEN. Gah!

Friend: How much chicken did you put in there?

Me: Four breasts.

(more peals)

Me: WHAT?!

Friend: So what happened?

Me: I couldn’t get it up to the right internal temperature, so I had to resort to the regular oven, but then it just turned to rubber.

By the way, that was two weeks ago, and it’s still in my fridge. Why do I believe that my cooking, like fine wine, will improve with age?