Bottom Chef

My friend, Melinda, is awesome for many, many reasons. One of which is that she introduced me to CrossFit. Another is that she’s hilarious. And a third (this list is not exclusive) is that she will often take a picture of the dinner she has made and post it on Facebook. It’s always something like braised lamb shank with balsamic marinade and poached leeks.

Or something, I don’t know. I just made that up. I don’t know what you marinate lamb in, and I’m not sure what a leek is. Or if you poach them.

The point is, it always looks and sounds yummy. It makes me hungry and jealous.

Jealous because, as I’ve mentioned, I don’t really know how to cook. I tried with my CSA produce, and you know, I was going to the farmers’ market regularly there for a while. But I’m sort of willful; I don’t like to follow recipes. I just want to be able to throw things together, deliciously.

That keeps not working out for me.

I bought a ham at the farmers’ market. It was like a frickin’ salt-lick. So I mixed it with some frozen lima beans. That tasted like crap, so I chopped up some fresh Chapel Hill mozzarella.

Gross.

At my school, before Thanksgiving, we had a Stone Soup assembly. A day before, each grade level brought an ingredient (carrots, potatoes, onions, garlic, celery, broth, and seasonings), and students and parents chopped and prepared and threw everything into crock pots. It was delightful! I thought, I can do that, so I went to the grocery store and bought all the stuff and

it tasted like smooshy, wet nothing.

On the rare day that I do manage to make something remotely edible, like my London broil with roasted vegetables, it’s never visually appealing.

Nobody likes pink food, unless it's frosting.

I can saute a shrimp in butter. So I do that occasionally, but when I shred some zucchini and toss it in, it comes out all mushy.

Shrimp with a side of mush.

One time, I made delicious home fries with onions and red peppers!

Yay! Victory is mine!

And then I thought, “I can’t eat that many potatoes by myself. I’ll make a tortilla de patata!”

So I tossed in four or five scrambled eggs and cooked it until it was leather. Completely inedible. I didn’t even feed it to the dogs. That’s how bad it was.

Alas, I’m not sure I’m meant for this “cooking” thing.

78 thoughts on “Bottom Chef”

  1. Nice post. I was checking constantly this blog and I’m impressed! Extremely helpful info particularly the last part :) I care for such information a lot. I was looking for this particular info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  2. Excellent read, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing some research on that. And he actually bought me lunch since I found it for him smile Therefore let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!

  3. Do you have a spam issue on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation; we have developed some nice practices and we are looking to exchange methods with others, be sure to shoot me an e-mail if interested.

  4. Neosurf’s rise in popularity among Australian users is a testament to its adaptability and effectiveness in meeting the specific needs of online gamblers.
    Our content is for informational/entertainment purposes only – NOT financial,
    legal, or gambling advice. Blackcoin.co a
    candy96.fun fully independent review platform with no ownership ties to any casino operator or software provider.
    Physical retail purchases typically carry no additional fees beyond the voucher’s face
    value.
    10-digit PIN codes are used for Neosurf gambling deposits. The minimum (and maximum) limits for this payment method
    differ in each country. Let’s explore together what Neosurf gambling is like and share an up-to-date list of the best casinos that accept Neosurf as
    of 2025. In addition, the casino sites we recommend
    candy96.fun use the best online security standards, such as SSL and
    128-bit data encryption.

Leave a Reply to fdertol mrtokev Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *