Hey, North Carolina, in particular the Triangle, I love you too! Buxton, I don’t know who you are, but thanks for stopping by. Go ‘head and set a spell.
You’re second on my list, New Jersey. And by ‘New Jersey’, I mean ‘Dan’. Hi, Dan. Love you.
You know, Cartersville, Georgia, I appreciate your 30 visits, but your 22 seconds per visit is making my bounce rate look foul. Don’t make me cut you.
New York, what? I can’t get no love from upstate?
Lovin’ the look of that big orange dot over Lexington, Virginia.
The only sugar I’m getting from Massachusetts is Sandwich. Thank you, Dad. No thank you, everybody else I know in Massachusetts.
Springfield, Illinois, you don’t come around much, but your nearly-three-minute-long stay and your 6.75-pageviews-per is making me feel you. Let’s see if we can make this work.
Same goes for you, Knoxville.
Austin, you think you can just hit it and quit it? Sixteen seconds is all you want from me. Yeah, well, I don’t need you either. Go on, get out of here!…(Wait, come back. I’ll be good.)