Month: March 2010

Fun with Google Analytics

Hey, North Carolina, in particular the Triangle, I love you too! Buxton, I don’t know who you are, but thanks for stopping by. Go ‘head and set a spell.

You’re second on my list, New Jersey.  And by ‘New Jersey’, I mean ‘Dan’. Hi, Dan. Love you.

You know, Cartersville, Georgia, I appreciate your 30 visits, but your 22 seconds per visit is making my bounce rate look foul. Don’t make me cut you.

New York, what? I can’t get no love from upstate?

Lovin’ the look of that big orange dot over Lexington, Virginia.

The only sugar I’m getting from Massachusetts is Sandwich.  Thank you, Dad. No thank you, everybody else I know in Massachusetts.

Springfield, Illinois, you don’t come around much, but your nearly-three-minute-long stay and your 6.75-pageviews-per is making me feel you.  Let’s see if we can make this work.

Same goes for you, Knoxville.

Austin, you think you can just hit it and quit it? Sixteen seconds is all you want from me.  Yeah, well, I don’t need you either. Go on, get out of here!…(Wait, come back. I’ll be good.)

Inhale Exhale

“Amy, this is your neighbor Barbara.
Call me back. It’s about your dogs. Bye.”
Oh my god ohmygod OHMYGOD
Options: calls: recent
Number restricted
Barbara, why didn’t you leave your number?
Was it Charlie?
Did that meth-head finally take a break
from mowing his lawn after dark
and take out his pistol
and shoot my babies?
Deep breath:
Inhale exhale one.
Inhale exhale two.
Oh god.
Someone let them out of the fence
and a Ford F-150
(inhale exhale three)
doing way more than 40mph
tore them limb from limb.
Inhale exhale four.
God, grant me the fucking serenity
to accept the fucking things
I cannot fucking change.
Inhale exhale five.
Who would have let them out of the fence?
No!
Someone took them!
Someone saw
their pit bull jaws
and snatched them away
to bully their way to dollars.
Inhale exhale six.
It takes one hundred
deep breaths
and untold catastrophic fantasies
to get from my school
to my house
to find that my dogs
had been digging
a hole
in my yard.
Fuck you, Barbara.

Why I Do My Job, Part 4

TIME TO BRAG. Some of the fifth graders participated in an essay contest, the topic:  favorite employee of our school system.  A couple of my kids from last year wrote essays about me!

Hunter was a great student—bright and inquisitive, but not afraid to tell me when she didn’t understand something, also pleasant, humble, and tough.

Here’s the text:

Ms. Amy Scott is the world’s most intelligent, fantastic, and caring teacher!!! Not only does she make sure you that have work that is fun, but also challenging, she gives you personal help when you are struggling. Ms. Scott helps you even if you’re the only one who doesn’t get it. When she was teaching us about bilateral and rotational symmetry, I just did not understand which was which and what was going on! So I asked Ms. Scott if she could help me, and she didn’t just try to make me understand right then and there, but got out all of the materials and taught me while everyone else was reading. And to this day I remember that- and symmetry!

Also while I was in Ms. Scott’s class, she got me interested in one of her favorite things- words. We learned a Latin root every day, and thought of words with that root. My vocabulary definitely broadened! Ms. Scott’s love for words inspired me to want to take Latin in middle school. We also played word games- Boggle and Draw Four- that taught me lots in a fun way! I learned so much, that I eventually beat MS. Scott (WOW!)!

Some other kids and I passed a pretest once, and before giving us different work to do, Ms. Scott showed us our mistakes first, and had us fix them. I really admire her for that, because sometimes teachers just assume you understand, and you don’t. Ms. Scott always answers your questions, even if it takes some discussion and help from other students. I still remember having some very long discussions, and it was always worth it.

Towards the end of the year, Ms. Scott started an “exercise program” for the class. We all were given tables that had dates, and places to write down how well we did in that event that day. The whole thing was immensely fun- we did handstands, step-ups, splits, running, and more! And guess who did it all with us? Ms Scott!!!! The best part was that we were trying for OUR best-not anyone else’s. We cheered everyone on, and applauded for everyone. We also helped each other with things we couldn’t do. It made everyone feel important, and let us all have a fun time!!!

I know that Ms. Scott really cared about all of us, too. When her dog died, she was devastated. But she came in anyway to give us the E.O.G.s because she didn’t want us to have to test with a stranger.

I believe Ms. Scott is the best teacher ever because she didn’t feel like a teacher-more like a friend. She was happy almost all the time, and laughed a LOT. I always felt safe to ask questions in her classroom, and to share my thinking. School was fun, and something to look forward to. I’m very glad that I was in her class. I miss her, and last year a lot. Ms. Amy Scott is definitely the BEST TEACHER EVER.