Since I can’t deal with the douchebaggery that is Pat Robertson, I must Mad Lib him. Here, you try:
“Something [past-tense verb] a long time ago in Haiti, and [plural noun] might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said during a(n) [noun] on the Christian Broadcasting Network.
“They were under the [body part] of the French … and they got together and swore a pact to the [noun].
“They said, ‘We will [verb] you if you’ll get us free from the [nationality]’.”
“True story. And so the [same noun as line 2] said, ‘okay, it’s a [noun].’ They [past-tense verb] the French out.
“The Haitians [past-tense verb] and got themselves free … ever since, they have been cursed by one [noun] after the other.”
“Something fucked up a long time ago in Haiti, and Christians might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said during a diarrhea attack on the Christian Broadcasting Network.
“They were under the bowels of the French … and they got together and swore a pact to the Truth.
“They said, ‘We will advertise you if you’ll get us free from the colonizing bastards‘.”
“True story. And so the Truth said, ‘okay, it’s a God-given right.’ They freaked the French out.
“The Haitians sacrificed and got themselves free … ever since, they have been cursed by one Evangelical Christian after the other.”
Excellent work, Deborah! You are currently in first place.
“Something closed a long time ago in Haiti, and blacks might not want to talk about it,” Robertson said during a seizure on the Christian Broadcasting Network.
“They were under the ears of the French … and they got together and swore a pact to the Ramones.
“They said, ‘We will understand you if you’ll get us free from the El Salvadorans.’”
“True story. And so the blacks said, ‘okay, it’s a mystery’ They smoked the French out.
“The Haitians freaked and got themselves free … ever since, they have been cursed by one moronic televangelist after the other.”