Single-wides and Double-scoops

I told him, “I want a goldang white picket fence.”  I told him, “If I’m gonna move into a goldang single-wide with you and Tabitha and Travis Jr., you’re gonna put up a white picket fence that I can look out at and say, ‘That there’s my white picket fence.'”  I mean, if I’d of known seven years ago what I know now, I never would of left the Dairy Joy with him that night.  He was all, “You’re purdy” and “Come for a ride” and I did, and Lord Jesus, what a ride it’s been.  I can’t even set foot in that Dairy Joy no more.  First of all, that Bronco wadden even his—it was his daddy’s—and on account of them not speakin to each other after that fishin mishap, that was my first and last ride in it.  Travis drives a Escort.  When it runs.  Which is not too goldang often.  Next up, the money he used to buy me that double-scoop Oreo sundae, it runs out.  He only got $450 from the city for gettin his thumb caught in the elevator door at the courthouse. Tell the truth, they shouldn’t of paid him a dime cause, for starters, that elevator didn’t hurt him none.  He took a blue magic marker to his thumb before he got that picture took.  And second of all, he was at the courthouse because he owed the county $518 for speedin tickets!  The way I see it, they should of just deducted the four fifty from that and asked for the rest.  Anyhow, he thought he was gonna get some big settlement so he told his boss over at the Hostess factory to shove it and by the time he went snivelin back, Dwayne had already filled his position.  So ever since two weeks after we met, we been livin on what I make down at the old folks’ home.  I used up all the money I’d saved for that secretarial program down at the community college, just gettin our bills paid.  That’s why I told him, “Buddy, you hain’t given me nothin but heartache and gonorrhea so I figure you owe me one white picket fence.”  Anyhow, I preciate you listenin to me like that, but I see you got other tables to get to.  I’ll have a double-scoop Oreo sundae.  Thank God for this Dairy Queen.

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