Reader Rachel asks
Today I’m consumed with the question: even though it’s so staged, corny and shameless that it causes me actual physical pain, why do I keep watching The Bachelor?
The Avid Bruxist answers
If I had TV*, I would watch it because doesn’t a size-2 girl with straight, white teeth and shiny hair—a person with no cellulite whatsoever—get rejected each episode? Good stuff.
*I don’t have TV. I mean, I have a TV set and DVD player that my friend Angie lent me when she moved temporarily to Spain, and I NetFlix the hell out of some shows, but I don’t get, y’know, channels. Somebody told me recently that I could just connect my computer to my TV set and, voila, programs! Here’s why I’m NOT going to do that: I grew up without TV. I came from parents who thought TV rotted the mind. And my folks were right, of course, but the complete prohibition of it creates TV JUNKIES. Exhibit A: there was a time in my childhood when the gods sent HBO(?!) to our 13-inch, black and white TV, and my siblings and I absolutely gorged ourselves on “Fletch” and “The Legend of Billie Jean” when my parents weren’t around. We must have watched each of those movies 25 times. (I can go note-for-note with Pat Benatar on ‘Invincible’.) To this day, I have no governor on my TV consumption. If I were to have unlimited programming, I’d probably be watching a rerun of Maury when Mr. Povich and his gang showed up to film the episode “It’s Official…I’ve Grown into My Couch”.
brilliant avidbruxist. brilliant.
And that Goldie Hawn movie, ‘Protocol,’ too. It’s not an ostrich, it’s an emu!
dear avid bruxist,
my friend says the economy is going to collapse and i should buy silver coins and hide them under my bed. but my bed is on the floor. what should i do?
Hmmm. “It’s not TV. It’s Schadenfreude.” Would also explain my fascination with “Hoarders.”