A lot of people at CrossFit are into eating “paleo”—that is, no processed stuff, low-carb, etc. Indeed, a bunch of them periodically do this 30-day program called Whole30, which is super strict:
- meat
- vegetables
- nuts & seeds
- a little fruit
- no dairy
- no grains
- no sugar
- no alcohol
- no legumes
- no potatoes or other “nightshades”
Now, I get it. I mean, hunter-gatherers didn’t pluck their daily rations from the Cinnabon tree; they didn’t follow roaming herds of Auntie Anne’s Jumbo Pretzel Dogs. I also understand that humans are the only mammals that drink milk after infancy and the only mammals that drink the milk of another animal (rare exceptions excluded). And I’m clear that refined sugar is bad for you for many, many reasons.
But legumes? Really? I guess I just have a hard time believing that something that grows out of the ground could be that terrible for you.
Before you’re all, “Cocaine grows out of the ground!”, just stop. I’m not eating dehydrated garbanzo beans that are then re-hydrated and smashed into paste. Oh wait. That would be hummus, right? OK, well, they’re not mixed with kerosene and sulfuric acid and acetone and I’m not snorting them and, yes, I looked up cocaine processing. By the way, did you know that the Eloria Noyesi moth larva feeds exclusively on coca plants? You’re thinking what I’m thinking, right? That’s probably one productive fucking larva.
I digress.
One of the CrossFit coaches said that what she had assumed was arthritis her whole life disappeared when she did Whole30, and my joints are redonk, so I’ve been considering trying it.
Of course, it would be difficult for me considering my food issues. On the Whole30 website, they say, “Don’t you dare tell us this is hard. Giving up heroin is hard.” Clearly that statement was written by somebody who’d never experienced an eating disorder. Food is my heroin. So imagine you’re addicted to heroin and you want to quit, but you can’t go cold turkey because you have to shoot up at least three times a day to live. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you “trying to recover from a compulsive eating disorder”.
In addition, I might’ve mentioned that I can’t really cook. That would make the program difficult.
Plus there are some foods, which I consider healthy, that would be traumatic to give up.
Really just one food: peanut butter.
But the Whole30 people effuse, “You don’t need peanut butter! There’s an alternative. A delicious alternative. It’s called Sunbutter. It’s so delicious you’ll never want to go back to peanut butter.”
That shit is nasty.
So until I learn to cook and find a real alternative to peanut butter, Whole30 schmole30.
Dear Amy,
Who the hell are these people? I’ll bet W30 ain’t free, either. Since they have declared you an athlete, you should run away, fast and far.
Let me know when you want real information about food.
A vegetarian
No, Granddude, it doesn’t cost anything. Up there, what I wrote, that’s it. That’s the program.
The creators give workshops and sell meal plan booklets and t-shirts, but Whole30 is just eating what’s on the list and not eating what’s not. I’ve read a lot of their stuff–they are intelligent people, and they’ve done their research. They whole-heartedly believe that eating according to the program for 30 days will change your life. (After the 30 days, you re-introduce foods one at a time and pay attention to how they affect you.)
I think it’s a good idea; I just don’t think I can do it.
Many of us at CFD don’t really like Whole30’s brand of fascism. Mark Sisson has real advice for real people and he cites his fucking sources. http://www.marksdailyapple.com
Good to know, Phil. A friend recommended Mark Sisson’s book to me. I may just have to go to Durham Public Library and check myself a copy out.
I stopped reading at item #8.
the caveman diet makes sense in a way. i saw this guy on several shows, including stephen colbert, which gives him some cred. on the other hand, he goes barefoot in nyc.
ick.
i say, do it as much as you can for 30 days and see how you feel.
i’m with Phil – total fascism. the whole9 folks have the best intentions, but their approach is so strident it strays into ‘crazy’. mark sisson and robb wolf are way more down to earth in my opinion (check out robb’s book “the paleolithic solution” – it’s actually quite funny!).
however, i did a whole30 almost a year ago when i started bootcamp. it was a really interesting experience and taught me a lot about how my body reacts to certain foods. definitely worth it for me.
if you want to do something like it, just do it your way – keep the peanut butter! i recommend jif & skippy natural pb (which do have a tiny bit of sugar per serving, but it’s real sugar, not HFCS, and no hydrogenated oils). maybe try cutting out sugar & grains for 30 days – see how you feel. then cut out dairy for 30 days. it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. figure something out that works for you if you’re interested in seeing what the fuss is about.
and please feel free to drop me a line on any cooking questions, i’d be happy to help in any way i can!
I still have quite a bit of deer in my freezer. Let me know and I’ll throw you a leg. I’m going hog hunting next month, I’ll bring you a ham. Then you can get real cave(wo)man!
Thanks, Shayne. Probably if I just went off refined sugar for 30 days, I’d be Superwoman.
Joe, def throw me a leg of venison and a ham. Also, do you have any mutton?
Love me some mutton!
Actually, for that diet to work, you are supposed to kill each one of those things with a rock before you are allowed to eat it — even the sunbutter.
Wait, Bruce, I just invested in a tiny bow and arrow, specially designed for hunting sesame seeds. NOW you’re telling me I have to do it with a rock?
I agree, Sunbutter is nasty! Almond butter is a little better but not much.