RetrobruxOMGSchool’sOutBvvvvvvvvvvt

SCHOOL’S OUT. SCHOOL’S OUT. SCHOOL’S OUT.

Also, I QUIT MATCH.COM. Wahooooooooooooooooo!

I’ll have to find my man some other way. Thinking I might build a trap.

With all my dating woes, people frequently ask what I’m looking for in a man, and remarkably (considering how generally wordy I am), I’ve never been able to put it into words, you know? I mean, I want funny, but funny’s not enough, as evidenced by a recent two-date sequence. He has to be physically attractive too, but my taste in what’s physically attractive is (1) not all that conventional (I ain’t got no problem with bald, and sometimes a big nose just works) and (2) varies widely (lithe rock climber, sure; Viking with a mead gut, also good). He should be smart but not an übernerd. Kind but not a pansy. I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW.

But then yesterday, I was stopped at a stoplight, and I saw this.

IMG_5646

Pretty sure I could be down with any man who says, “Amy, you and your parts come first.”

Thanks, Sport Durst.

**********

Three years ago, I discovered that I was NCGS. That’s like NCIS but infinitely less badass.

Two years ago, I was unsure of everything. Man, things don’t change much.

Any dude who wants to get with me must be definitively pro-gay, as I learned a year ago.

Some of the things you may have missed on Fat CrossFitter: I was OK with scaling. Then I wasn’t.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

Sorry About All the Protected Posts

I’m kinda working through some shit. Don’t worry. You’ll get to read every last juicy detail in my tell-all memoir.

In the meantime, remember you can check out my other blog, the Fat CrossFitter. I’m equally ridiculous over there, just with a lot of numbers and stupid vocabulary like “metcon” and “snatch-grip deadlift”. What even.

And I installed a comments plug-in, but then I didn’t know how to see the comments?, but then I totally figured out how to do that too so we can chit-chat! I’m pretty much a computer programmer now. Larry, Sergey, don’t let the-boon-that-is-me slip through your fingers.

Oops, Late-Night Retrobruxist Friday 5/31/13

Ran across a blog post today titled Worst End of School Year Mom Ever. I can relate. I think most teachers feel like bad teachers at the end of the year.

Forge Mom's Signature

Main reason: standardized testing. It’s The Worrrrrrrrrrst. Bad for kids, sure, but as I tell the kids: “At least you get to DO something. I just have to SIT THERE.” In fact, read I Got Middle Schooled for a little taste of what teachers and proctors go through. It’s horrifying and hilarious.

***********

Three years ago, I shared my experiences with anti-depressants. The magic bullet I mentioned was amino acids—a monster truck load of them per day—which I took for several years, and they definitely helped. But they were super-duper-expensive and not-at-all covered by my super-duper-crappy health insurance. I weaned myself off them within the last six months, and I think I’m doing OK. I have my moments, but between CrossFit, food choices, and workin on mah shit, I’m maintaining a pretty healthy level of sanity.

Two years ago, I found the All-Time Worst Prospect on OKCupid. Seriously though.

A year ago, a shocking news story broke.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

 

Retrobruxist Friday 5/24/13, or I Am Rad

June 5. That’s when I cancel my Match subscription. Twelve more days.

The only reason I’m keeping my nose above water is my friends. My friends are pretty great.

Not Scary Spice

He added, “We are all rooting SO HARD for you.” And I know they are.

Dan NJ wrote: Since it’s been at least a month since I said so- can I remind you of the Avogadro’s number of awesome particles that make up, and emanate from, you?  These particular elements represent a periodic table of Amy’s awesomeness, and are subdivided into categories such as brilliance, loveliness, kick-assedness, nice-assedness, and noble gases.  (The last one is pure speculation on my part…)

And a little faerie (possibly named Megalu) writes pro-me statements on the sticky notes on my desk every time she comes over, which I find later and stick to my computer monitor.

IMG_5456

IMG_5455

 

And all these words of encouragement serve to remind me that, no matter what happens in my love life, I most definitely have love in my life. Thank you, friends, and I love you all.

**********

Three years ago, I cheered you up with some stellar knock-knock jokes.

Some people love my teaching stories; others enjoy the tragically delicious dating stuff. But there are those who just really revel in the fact that I’m, to quote a friend, “bad at lawnmowers”, e.g. this post from two years ago.

You know how Google’s informal motto is “Don’t be evil”. I wish that sentiment could be codified into all companies’ bylaws. Alas, as I mentioned a year ago, insurance companies are nothing but dens of thieves.

What you may have missed on Fat CrossFitter: Who gets to define my fatness, and my two cents on the problem with progress.

Happy Retrobruxist Friday, y’all.

 

Swordfish

A couple years ago, I started password-protecting stories about my students so I wouldn’t get dooced, and occasionally I lock down a post about a boy and/or a dirty thing I do. My friends have the password. So does my dad, so he gets to read about the dirty things.

Awk-ward.

Anyway, I have a lot of friends, and I’ve made friends, friends who wanted the password, so I gave it to them. A person here, a person there, and it’s gotten a little unwieldy.

It’s not that I regret giving anyone the password—basically, I just need a list of who has the it, so in case somebody blabs, I’ll know whose bed to short-sheet. Or at least which 30 beds to start with.

So it’s time to reset. New password. Ready? And the password is—

Jk, you have to send me a message to get it.

(Dad, you can still have the password/read about the dirty things. Even though it’s awkward.)

Persona, Personae

As y’all know, sometimes I write about CrossFit, and I try to make it a story, not just a recap of my workout, but for people who don’t do CrossFit—I don’t know—it could be boring.

At the same time, folks who are interested in reading about CrossFit may not give a crap about my cooking mishaps or disastrous love life.

So!

I’ve created a tumblr called Fat CrossFitter. (Twitter feed here. Facebook page here.) I’ll link to some of my old CrossFit posts but also tell new stories about when I’m up in the gym just workin on my fitness. And I’ll make sure to update everybody with PRs on my HSPU and my new 1RM on HBBS, and OMG, WTF? LOL, I kid you!

Anyway, if you want to hear about the trials and tiny victories of this Fat CrossFitter, well, there you go.