R, sitting on the toilet: “Hey Mom, look, my feet look just alike.”
My sister: “Yeah, well, the two halves of your body are symmetrical.”
R: “No, I mean in terms of comparative dirtiness.”
Category: Fambly
Wherein I tell stories about my clan.
My Father, Part 2
One day a couple years ago, my dad got up, got dressed, and started his morning futzing. At some point mid-day, he started bitching about how he couldn’t find his wallet. (NB: My father can’t find anything. Ever.) After a while, my mom asked him where and when he had it last.
“Right in the back pocket of my jeans last night!” (He was wearing yesterday’s jeans again, of course.)
My mom went over to a pair of jeans that had been draped over a chair and pulled Dad’s wallet out of the back pocket. “Here it is,” she tells him.
Dad looked down at his pants and said, “Well, what jeans am I wearing?”
Mom took one look and replied, “Mine.”
My Father
Two nights ago….
Dad: I just wanted to call and wish you ‘Happy Birthday’ for tomorrow.
Me: Tomorrow’s not my birthday.
Dad: What day were you born?
Me: *September* 24.
Dad: Well, I guess I’m the first to wish you a happy birthday this year.