Author: avidbruxist

So, you know I’ve been having some fun with Google Analytics, but I also spent some time recently looking at other analytic software reports, such as Awstats.

It was all a little beyond me with the hits and visits and pages and whatnot, but I could kinda make out what they were talking about.  Until I got to the “Search Keyphrases” section:

Search Keyphrases (Top 10) Full list
5 different keyphrases Search Percent free download .22 caliber gatling gun 1 20 % layla jade torrent 1 20 % big women wearing girdles 1 20 % men wearing ladies girdles 1 20 % layla extreme torrent 1 20 %

Ha ha! Remember that post I did about that man, Layla, who wore ladies’ girdles and wielded a .22? And also about extreme torrents?

Me neither.

For about five minutes last Thursday evening, I did laughter yoga. You might have heard it referred to as laughter meditation. Supposedly, the body can’t differentiate between real laughter and fake, so you get all the physiological benefits from just going through the motions.

When I first heard about it, I imagined us lying around in different poses, going, “Ha…ha ha…ha ha ha.”

Ugh.

And we did start out by walking in a circle saying, “Ho, ho, ha-ha-ha.” But after that, it got genuinely hilarious.

We made laughter milkshakes, pouring this imaginary cup into that imaginary cup, and back, and then drinking it down: “Hahahahahahaha!” After that, we mixed up another laughter milkshake, but didn’t like it so we threw it in someone else’s face: “Hahahahahahaha!”

We argued with laughter, moving through the room ha-ing angrily at each other and made up with sweet hahas.  We stood in two lines facing each other and watched the laughter race cars go by: “ha ha ha hahahaHAHAHAHAhahaha ha ha ha…”

And my favorite part—after each exercise, we went:

“Very good! (clap)

Very good! (clap)

(arms overhead in a V) YAY!”

I had been feeling anxious and nihilistic before we started, but I was nearly peeing myself by the end of it.

Laughter yoga: AVID BRUXIST STAMP OF APPROVAL (bonk)

What’s the opposite of a nonstick pan?

A non-nonstick pan?

A stick pan?

Whatever it is, that’s what I’ve got.

Hey, North Carolina, in particular the Triangle, I love you too! Buxton, I don’t know who you are, but thanks for stopping by. Go ‘head and set a spell.

You’re second on my list, New Jersey.  And by ‘New Jersey’, I mean ‘Dan’. Hi, Dan. Love you.

You know, Cartersville, Georgia, I appreciate your 30 visits, but your 22 seconds per visit is making my bounce rate look foul. Don’t make me cut you.

New York, what? I can’t get no love from upstate?

Lovin’ the look of that big orange dot over Lexington, Virginia.

The only sugar I’m getting from Massachusetts is Sandwich.  Thank you, Dad. No thank you, everybody else I know in Massachusetts.

Springfield, Illinois, you don’t come around much, but your nearly-three-minute-long stay and your 6.75-pageviews-per is making me feel you.  Let’s see if we can make this work.

Same goes for you, Knoxville.

Austin, you think you can just hit it and quit it? Sixteen seconds is all you want from me.  Yeah, well, I don’t need you either. Go on, get out of here!…(Wait, come back. I’ll be good.)